Relocation
by Asher Tye
Summary: Shadow has been booted from the Ark and must find away to survive on earth. Lacking somewhat in the skills necessary to live peacefully amongst humans, Shadow turns to his friends for advice and examples... A pity all of his friends are slightly nuts.
1. Rent is due

Relocation

by Asher Tye

Disclaimer: I do not own Shadow, Sonic, Amy, Tails, Eggman, Rouge, Knuckles, the Chaotix, Omega, Cream, or Big. Sega owns them and I am using them without permission for this non-profit story. Downtown Ebony Hare is owned by Archie Comics. I do own Silver Fox and if you want to know anything about him you'll have to read his story. As it is he's only a minor play in this story. Also, since referring to him as Dr. Robotnik gets confusing with the references made to Gerald Robotnik, I will be using the game name Eggman. Also I would like to thank my friend Darkdesire1202 for inspiring me to write this.

Summary: Based on the game, it would seem Shadow chose to live out his life on Space Colony Ark. While this might seem fine, the colony is still government property… and rent is due.

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Ark. The secret space station constructed by a joint effort between the government of Station Square and the scientist Gerald Robotnik. More than fifty years ago, it was the scene of tragedies that very nearly resulted in the destruction of Earth. Only a few months ago, it had played a key role in preventing the planet from being conquered and its population consumed by alien invaders. Now, though, it served a very different purpose.

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Inside the main communications center of the station, Shadow the Hedgehog had set up what could be considered a dining area. Obviously, the Ultimate Life Form had yet to get any experience with the annoyance of telemarketers. At present the black hedgehog sat with his legs propped up on the console, a steaming bowl of ramen noodles in his hand as he munched. All around him, the refuse of six months worth of meals lay strewn about.

It had been a pleasant six months for the living experiment. It had been somewhat of a surprise when the President had agreed to let him remain on the Ark, but it was no less than he deserved. Shadow had spent the months just exploring, looking around and remembering the past he finally knew. Slowly, the nightmarish memories of Ark's invasion were being replaced by much more pleasant memories of his time with Maria and Gerald. And he'd found it interesting to discover some of the things the station had housed in its heyday, things Shadow had not even known were present. His solitude had only been interrupted three times. The first two times had turned out to be simply a case of industrial spies looking for anything they could sell back on Earth. A good thumping had sent both groups sprinting back planet side to get away from the "Demon Hedgehog" as they had put it. The third incident had been more amusing. Some idiot had had the bright idea to use the Ark as a base for his criminal operations.

"I'm takin' over this Station so clear out!"

Those had been the first words the black and white furred hare had said as he'd stomped into the station. Shadow had nearly died of laughter as he'd caught his first look at the pompous mobster that looked like he'd stepped out of one of those ridiculous gangster movies Eggman kept to amuse himself when he wasn't plotting conquests. The hare had not found it as amusing and had ordered his cronies to "fill him full a' lead!" He'd later rethought his orders when Shadow had grabbed him and threatened to give him a tour of the station's outer hull… without the benefit of a spacesuit. The mobster couldn't move fast enough to get back to Earth, and consequently to jail, as a result.

#_What was his name again? Oh right, Downtown Ebony Hare.#_

A sudden, incessant beeping knocked the hedgehog from his musings. Upon the console, a blue light flashed, indicating that there was an incoming transmission. Frantically he looked around the console, silently cursing his creator for not instilling him with enough sense to actually pay attention when the system's operation had been explained to him the first time. He also cursed whoever had decided the stupid console needed so many buttons, dials, and switches. Finally, the Ultimate Life Form was able to establish his side of the communications link, and was quite surprised at what he found on the other end. He had expected either the President or Commander Sherridan to be on the other end, especially since they were supposedly the only one's who knew what communication frequency Ark used. This woman, though, was definitely neither of them.

She had a pinched oblong face with her hair done up in a tight bun that seemed to pull the wrinkled skin on her face too much. A pair of horn-rimmed glasses sat on her face, along with a brown mole on her lower lip.

"Excuse me, excuse me," the woman said in a somewhat shrill voice that made Shadow want to quiver. "Is anyone there?"

"Uh… Hello?"

"Yes, hello, I'm looking for a Shadow Robotnik the Hedgehog?" Cautiously Shadow looked around him.

#Exactly how many hedgehogs does this woman think live on Ark?# Shadow thought to himself before answering.

"This is Shadow."

"What? Oh bother, something is wrong with the connection, I'm not receiving any video… Is there something wrong with your camera?"

#Camera?# Shadow looked around the console, searching for anything that looked like a camera. He found the thing covered by a discarded can of soup. Carefully he wiped the lens clean.

"Ah that's better," the woman said. "My, it seems you've been having yourself a bit of a party, doesn't it?" Shadow scowled at the woman for noticing the strewn trash.

"Was there a reason you called? I did think this frequency was restricted or something…"

"Oh it is, it is, but given the situation, I felt it was better to contact you in person. My name is Matilda Brown and I represent The Office of the Executive Budget for Station Square." Shadow's eyes widened. Again he had not been expecting this. "I'm not sure if you are aware of this, but do you recall an incident involving an alien invasion by the group 'Black Arms?'"

"Of course I do, I'm the one who stopped them." At this point Shadow saw Ms. Brown lift a rather thick pad of paper into view of the camera as she began reading from it.

"Right. And you may also recall the events revolving around one… Biolizard was it?"

"Yes…"

"And before that was the revival of the water monster Perfect Chaos as well as numerous…"

"Uh, does this perhaps have a point that has to do with me?" The woman looked up from her notepad, a look of consternation on her face at being interrupted.

"Well I don't know if you realized this, but all of these disasters came at a pretty bad time for the government, particularly Black Arms' invasion. We were still trying to pay off repairs to the capital from Perfect Chaos's attack. In short we seem to have come into a rather large debt."

"Ah huh…"

"As the head of the Budget Oversight Committee, I should tell you that we are looking for every way to bring this runaway debt back under control before our government is forced to raise taxes to a rather unfair rate, or shudder declare complete bankruptcy. That was when Ark came to my attention." Shadow suddenly felt butterflies in his stomach. "Do you know that the cost for maintaining Ark, and yourself, occupies almost one eighth of this country's yearly budget?"

"Why is that a problem? You people were all gung-ho to bankroll this station fifty years ago when Gerald built it."

"Yes but as I said, we've had some rather bad luck since then. Also, fifty years ago Ark was home to a number of scientists and researchers using their talents to further mankind's knowledge. Now, though, you are Ark's sole occupant. Now, I know that, given you efforts on our world's behalf as well as your link to Ark itself, the president has given you his permission to live up there, you must understand that there is no country on Earth that could assume such a debt as running your station without some return on its investment. That said, I'm sure you understand why we can no longer allow you to live up there for absolutely nothing."

"Come again?"

"Starting this month we will be sending you a bill for the amenities and utilities we provide you." Shadow had never heard of such ridiculousness.

"And how do you expect me to pay; squeeze lumps of coal into diamonds?"

"Oh come now, Mr. Hedgehog. Dr. Gerald Robotnik was a very rich man and I find it hard to believe that he left you nothing." It was true, Gerald had indeed been a very wealthy scientist. That was how he'd been able to pay for half of Ark's construction. As far as Shadow knew, even then there had been plenty of money left in the good doctor's accounts. Idly, Shadow had looked into what had happened to that money, and had discovered that with no other relatives, it had all gone to Eggman (which explained where he'd gotten the money to start up his criminal career). The President had offered to help the black hedgehog retrieve his fair share of the money but, as someone who was not naturally greedy, Shadow had declined. Now he was wishing he hadn't.

"There, there was money, but it's not in my possession."

"Really… Well I'm sure you'll think of something. I the meantime, I assume you're going to want a copy of the itemized billing statement?"

"Uh, I guess so…"

"Very well then, it's coming." Shadow watched as the printer began to put out papers as the bill printed.

#Maybe this won't be so bad…# Shadow thought. An hour later, as the bill finally finished printing, he was no longer thinking at all. His jaw had dropped as he'd read each item; as well as the rather large number next to it.

"This is INSANE! No citizen would have the ability to pay this every month!"

"Well I'm sorry if it seems that way to you Mr. Hedgehog, but I can assure the price is no bigger than necessary. This is what we spend each month to keep that station you're using as a trashcan operational."

"I couldn't pay this even if I had Gerald's orginal fortune!"

"Now, now, there's no need to get angry. If you are unable to meet a payment this month, we can easily create a payment plan for you."

"And if I can't pay next month?"

"Well then we will start to have a problem." Shadow gripped the bridge of his nose as he closed his eyes, a headache suddenly forming.

"Look, the President said I was allowed to live up here…"

"And no one is disputing that. You have my word that there isn't a single person in my office or any government office that would ask you to leave. But as I said, it is most unfair to expect taxpayers to spend such an exorbinant amount of money on one person's home, even if he did help the world during the an alien invasion."

"'HELP the world?' I didn't 'help the world' I saved the world, and I'm starting to think that might have been a mistake."

"Now, now, there's no need to talk like that."

"You keep saying that…"

"The bottom line is that you have a rather large bill that you should begin budgeting for. If you cannot pay then I'm afraid we'll have no choice but to discontinue your services, which will, unfortunately, make the station a less than comfortable home." In truth, all Shadow actually needed to survive was the ambient Chaos energy that surrounded everything. Anything else was actually a luxury. But just because he didn't need things like power, oxygen, water, and etc. didn't mean he was all that keen to live without them.

"So you expect me to either pay this phone number you've got masquerading as a bill total, or live forever in what basically amounts to a floating tomb?"

"That's a somewhat crass way of looking at it, Mr. Hedgehog, but I guess it is a somewhat accurate analogy."

"Then I choose option three."

"What?"

"I love Ark. It's the only place I've ever called home. But only a fool remains someplace that will obviously become more of a problem than he can handle. So…" Shadow reached behind him and pulled forth the yellow Chaos Emerald. "I'll leave the keys under the door mat. CHAOS CONTROL!" There was a yellow flash of light and then Shadow was gone.

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_The NERVE of those people! I save the world not once, not twice, but three times, and they expect me to give them money to live in MY HOME! Forget this; there's gotta be plenty of space to live in on Earth. There's just one problem…_

_I have no idea how to live on Earth. Dr. Gerald never really planned on me having to learn how to do this on my own, so I have no memory of how to deal with this. Wait… that blue hedgehog, Sonic. He's been living on Earth all his life and he doesn't seem too unhealthy, so he must be doing something right. It's time I found out just what he does…_

To be continued…

Maybe not the funniest chapter in this series, but it will also probably be the longest. Stay tuned as Shadow begins his quest to find the perfect living space for himself.


	2. Life on the Road

Relocation: Sonic

By Asher Tye

Disclaimer: See first chapter

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As it turned out, Sonic was not an overly difficult hedgehog to find, even for someone like Shadow who didn't get down to Earth too often. All he'd had to do was look for the biggest and loudest events going on, and Sonic was there. Sure enough, the grand opening of a new roller coaster ride at Twinkle Park, and the accompanying rock show, was enough to attract the hyperactive hedgehog. Shadow had found his cobalt quarry on said roller coaster; not in one of the cars, but actually racing along the tracks himself on an apparent collision course with one of the ride's trains.

For a being like Shadow, scaling the structure of the ride was child's play and the black and red hedgehog was soon keeping pace with the fastest thing alive.

"Shadow! Long time, no see buddy. What brings you planet side? Finally got lonely?"

"Hardly Sonic, but I would prefer not to discuss it in such a public setting."

"Huh? Oh that. No prob, Bob." Suddenly, Sonic grabbed Shadow's arm as they approached a turn in the track; even as the train also approached the turn. Before they could collide, Sonic jumped from the track taking Shadow along for the ride, a move that took the Ultimate Life Form for somewhat of a surprise. Before he knew it, both hedgehogs were behind a wall, effectively out of sight from the partying park goers.

"Okay, so what's up?"

"Well…" Shadow proceeded to tell Sonic of his troubles with Ms. Brown. When he finished, the black hedgehog looked to Sonic, only to notice Sonic was very busy biting his lower lip and his cheeks were puffing out. Unable to hold it any longer, Sonic dissolved into a fit of heavy laughter.

"So they just expected you to pay… pay… exactly how long has it been since you had a job?"

"It's not funny Sonic!" Shadow growled at the hysteric hedgehog.

"Oh dear sweet Chaos yes it is. That's gotta be the dumbest idea I ever heard. But you… I hate to say it but what exactly did you expect? I mean it's gotta cost millions to keep Ark runnin'. Surprised it took those bean counters in the government this long to figure out what they were loosin'."

"Well I'm glad my getting kicked outta my station has provided you with so much amusement. One can only wonder what would happen if I told you about the time I got sucked out the station airlock when I was twelve!" Shadow began to stomp off only to be grabbed once again by Sonic. "That's really beginning to become a bad habit for you to have Sonic."

"Don't go, don't go, I didn't mean to be rude," Sonic said, fighting to reign in his laughter. "It's just such an absurd thing. I mean, you're the Ultimate Life Form, arguably one of the most powerful people in the universe, and what gets you… taxes!" At this point Sonic once again fell into a laughing fit. This was cut short, however, as Shadow planted a foot in the hedgehog's stomach. Sonic wheezed once or twice as he fought to regain his breath. "That was a cheap shot."

"You're a cheap hedgehog. Now are you gonna stop laughing at me or what?"

"Fine, fine, fine, I'll stop. So I guess you're in the market for a home."

"Yes, and that's the problem," Shadow said sheepishly, an embarrassed look coming to his face. "I haven't got the foggiest idea how to live down here." Again Sonic bit his lower lip, again his cheeks puffed out, and again he fell over laughing.

"Brain like a super-computer but he doesn't know how to find an apartment! Too rich!" Again Shadow kicked him. Finally Sonic managed to get himself completely under control, though he now had a bruise on his stomach, and had agreed to help Shadow with his current problems. The first suggestion from the cobalt hedgehog was that they attend the party that was going on in celebration of the new Twinkle Park roller coaster.

"I don't know if…"

"Oh loosen up Shadow. After a rough day like this, you just need to relax and have some fun." Privately Shadow wondered if Sonic would say that if the goody-two shoes knew exactly what Shadow's idea of fun was. Still, he needed Sonic's help, and if participating in this event made the hedgehog more receptive to Shadow's needs, what would be the harm. And so, Shadow attended his first rock concert.

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It was one in the morning when the concert ended, and Shadow was somewhat relieved that it had. He'd realized he did not like rock and roll; it was way too loud, and the idiots "dancing" around the stage had gotten on his nerves worse than Sonic could.

Now the two hedgehogs traveled the roads of Station Square, zipping in and out of the traffic as they simultaneously worked to avoid both pedestrians and vehicles. As they approached the city limits, Shadow idly wondered whether Sonic was going to find a place to stay for the night or just keep running.

#Still, with his speed, even if he lived hundreds of miles away it might just be an afternoon's jog for him to come here, even if it was just for a party,# Shadow thought to himself. Still, when Sonic passed the last few buildings in the city and entered the Speed Highway Zone, Shadow's feelings of uneasiness did not go away. After passing through two towns in a little under thirty minutes, Sonic finally stopped in front of a roadside motel. Inside the reception area, behind the desk, sat a somewhat overweight woman with long blonde hair and a freckled face reading a magazine. Silently Sonic moved to the wall opposite her and drew what looked like a pipe from his backpack. Shadow soon realized that the "pipe" was actually a rolled up poster that Sonic quickly had tacked up to the wall. The poster showed Sonic in his classic thumbs up pose with the words "Hero of Earth" emblazoned underneath him. Once the poster was secured, Sonic walked up to desk and cleared his throat.

"May I help you?" the woman said in a disinterested voice without even bothering to look up from her magazine.

"Yeah I'm wondering if I can get a room for the night." Finally the woman looked at the hedgehog, who had positioned himself in the same pose as his poster.

"Do I know you, you look awfully familiar."

"Well, I'm not a hedgehog who likes to brag…" The woman's eyes widened as she compared Sonic to the poster on the wall.

"Oh my Gawd, are you… could you be… Sonic the Hedgehog?"

"That's what my mama always called me," Sonic said smiling his biggest, flashiest smile. Shadow watched in fascination as the girl suddenly went from complete indifference to total infatuation as she fawned over her celebrity visitor. Almost instantly the remaining hotel staff appeared to shake hands with the famous hedgehog and before Shadow fully comprehended what was happening, an offer was being made for Sonic to stay in the best room for free.

"Well I wouldn't wanna be a freeloader or anything…"

"Nonsense, nonsense," said the night manager. "After all the times you've saved the world, the least we can offer you is a room in our little establishment."

"Are you hungry Sonic?" one of the staff members asked. "I'd be more than happy to see what we have in the kitchen. I saw some hotdogs and a can of chili in there, so we can probably get some chilidogs for you." Sonic's smile got even wider at this.

"Excuse me sir, are you looking for a room too?" came the voice of the receptionist, her voice sounding distracted as she tried to help Shadow while still paying as much attention to Sonic as possible.

"Uh yes, I guess I need a room for the night."

"Cash, credit, or debit?"

"Huh?" The woman blew and exasperated breath.

"How do you intend to pay sir; with cash, credit, or a debit card?" she asked again, her voice holding an undo amount of harshness in it. Shadow's face fell somewhat. The whole reason he'd had to LEAVE Ark was because he didn't have any money. Helplessly his eyes started to turn towards Sonic, only to find that the hedgehog was on top of the situation.

"Oh I shoulda said earlier doll, this is Shadow. He's traveling with me and it'd be awfully big of ya if he could stay with me."

"Oh he's your sidekick." Shadow's quills quivered in anger at being called that. Fortunately no one was paying any attention to him at that point. "Wait I thought your sidekick was a fox?"

"Tails doesn't travel so much since he got that workshop of his. He's like a kid in a toy store and I just don't have the heart to uproot him," Sonic explained. "Shadow's just a friend in need of help setting himself up."

"I'm sure it will be fine if Mr… Specter was it?... were to stay with you," the manager said. Once more Sonic flashed that oh-so-pleasing smile of his.

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"That was pure exploitation, you do know that right?" Shadow finally said as the two entered their room for the night. Twin beds dominated the space with a large dresser sitting in front of the opposite wall, a small TV sitting on top of it. Between the beds sat a nightstand, a single lamp sitting on it the only source of illumination for the room, along with a small digital alarm clock. Off to the side of the entrance a small bathroom stood. If this was the Motel's best room, Shadow didn't even want to know what the others were like.

"What was?" Sonic said as he flopped on one of the beds, his backpack discarded to the floor.

"You totally set up that situation with that poster and the whole 'I'm so humble' act you did."

"Oh that," Sonic said. "Well if you feel bad about it, feel free to pay for the room. As for me; I don't have any money right now." Shadow most certainly didn't feel bad about Sonic's stunt, but he did feel it was somewhat irresponsible.

"And what would you have done had that receptionist simply not cared who you were?"

"There's another motel a mile up the road," Sonic said matter-of-factly.

"And you would have just pulled this little scam of yours there and hoped it worked?"

"I resent you calling it a scam. I can't help it if people recognize me and just wanna give me stuff." Shadow heard a click as Sonic turned on the room's TV, flipping straight to the sports channel.

"Recognize you my foot," Shadow said angrily as he dumped himself on the second bed. On TV, the announcer's voice suddenly died as Sonic muted the television.

"Okay what is your problem? I woulda thought you'd be happy to have an actual bed for the night. We coulda just pressed on and camped out in White Jungle you know."

"My problem is that irresponsible attitude of yours. Exactly how long do you think you can trade on your good name? What are you going to do when you get old or if Eggman suddenly decided he didn't want to rule the world?" Sonic's eyes widened as Shadow said this. Suddenly he started shuddering in terror as he leapt onto Shadow's bed, gripping the black hedgehog in a terrified hug.

"Oh, oh deary me you're… you're right Shadow! What would I do with my life? How… How would I survive? Help me… Help me Shadow; let me learn your ways so that I may survive!" Finally Sonic couldn't hold his charade anymore and broke down laughing again. "Oh that was priceless." Shadow shoved Sonic hard, sending him flying back to his own bed as he grunted in disgust.

"Fine, treat this like some stupid joke, Sonic. But mark my words, you're headed for a fall if you think you can keep getting through life on posters and a smile," Shadow said as he lay down and turned his back on his roommate. Sonic suddenly stopped laughing as he looked at Shadow.

"You know what your problem is Shadow?" Sonic asked. When he didn't immediately answer his own question, Shadow turned his head to look at him.

"Oh this should be funny. Okay Sonic, what is MY problem?"

"You don't have any idea how to live," answered Sonic with a sense of finality in his voice. "Sonic Rule #1: Don't take life too seriously; you'll never get outta it alive."

"Who said that?"

"Some rabbit I knew a long time ago. But it's good advice. If you waste time worrying about every single thing in life, you end up missing out on it. You should just sit back and enjoy the ride when you can."

"And what if there's nothing about the 'ride' to enjoy?" Sonic laughed at Shadow's words.

"Well of course you won't see the good stuff with that attitude. You gotta lighten up dude. I mean what's the worst that can happen if you take it easy and relax once in a while?"

"I get kicked out of my space station."

"You're going to have to let that go at some point if you wanna hang out with me, 'kay pal. I mean you asked me to help you learn how to live on Earth, right?"

"Right."

"Well I only know one way to live so I'd kinda appreciate a little less cynicism on the subject, especially since you haven't even tried it for a full day." Shadow considered his friend's words for a moment.

"Fine," Shadow said in a sigh. "I'll try not to be so negative. I mean, it's not like you can be completely wrong here, otherwise you wouldn't still be here, would you?"

"That's the idea. Now get some sleep, we have to leave early tomorrow."

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"Bonzai!" Sonic yelled as he leapt from the branch of one of the gigantic trees that filled the White Jungle Zone. As he tumbled through the air, Sonic began to orient himself so that he was falling head first to the roots below. As he approached one of the branches sticking out from another tree, Sonic reached out a hand and grabbed on. The addition of the hedgehog's weight bent the branch for a few moments before it snapped back up, sending Sonic flying back up into the canopy where he landed on one of the many slippery vines that wove between the trees.

Shadow had taken a different route, freefalling down the trunk of the tree before curling himself into a ball and rolling down. He smacked into the watery lake the tree was standing in and for a few precious seconds remained underwater before he was shot upward once again by the curvature of the tree's roots, successfully landing on the same vine as Sonic had.

"You do know that this little trek through White Jungle has been made about four times longer than it should have been with all this jumping around we've been doing, right?"

"Is that a problem?"

"Only if we have somewhere to be. Do we have somewhere to be?"

"Well originally I was gonna head to the Carnival Night Zone, but then I remembered that the weather forecast from last night said a snowstorm spread some fresh powder on the Grand Glacier zone. Since I can't make it onto the Floating Island for another six hours, I was wondering if it'd be worth it to hit Grand Glacier for a while and see how many snow bunnies I can find. Then I remembered you were with me and thought maybe you'd enjoy a trip to the Starlight Highway. It's situated in the upper atmosphere and if we time it right maybe you can get in a look at Ark for a few minutes. After that, I thought maybe we should take a spin around Megalopolis instead, I hear that some of Eggy's badniks have been causing problems for the locals. Petty stuff like vandalism and disturbing the peace, but I thought maybe it might be fun to teach 'em to play nice with others. Next, I thought maybe we should just jet back to Westopolis and see if we can root out any more of those Black Arms bums the military's still trying to flush out. Then…" Shadow's hand grabbed Sonic's lips, holding them still to halt the cascade of words that had been flowing.

"Is this the way your mind works, you run through each and every option you have until one suits you?" Shadow asked as he released Sonic's lips.

"Not all the time. Sometimes it's just whatever one strikes me first; other times it's just the one that seems the most fun to do," Sonic answered with a goofy smile on his face.

"Okay, so since my being here couldn't have been foreseen, what exactly did you plan to do today had I not shown up?"

"I wanted to go to Carnival Night Zone, but like I said, the Floating Island won't be over anything I can use to get onto the island for six hours, so I thought…" Once more Shadow covered Sonic's mouth.

"Okay, since you seem awfully keen to get to this carnival place, how about I just use Chaos Control to teleport us there and save some time."

"Nah," Sonic said almost immediately. "Sonic Rule #2: the journey is just as important as the destination."

"Huh?"

"If you just pop anywhere you wanna go, you loose the fun of traveling. I mean what if we decide to head to Grand Glacier. Say you just pop us there with Chaos Control. Sure we save time and get a few more hours to board the mountains, but what if one of the towns between here and there were in trouble and needed some help. Or better yet if they were holding a chili dog eating contest. We'd totally miss out on it 'cause we ignored the journey."

"But eating chili dogs was never part of the plan. And there's always the much bigger chance that absolutely nothing is going on between here and the glacier and we'd just be wasting time."

"So? Is your time really that valuable? I'd think you had enough of it to spare."

"This is from the guy who can't stand to stay in the same place for more than a few seconds before whining about it?"

"That's just 'cause I bore easy, it has nothing to do with spending time on the little things. After all, spending time on the little things is how I met Tails. Now, you coming or not?" Sonic asked before racing off in a northern direction. With nothing else to do, Shadow followed.

As it turned out, Sonic had been right about something cropping up in their path. It turned out a village was being terrorized by a gang of bikers and Sonic had interceded on the populace's behalf. The gang had, of course, retaliated and Sonic and Shadow had been forced to teach them a lesson. Shadow had found the group of humans' combat abilities to be laughable and had been sorely tempted to end the entire affair with a single Chaos Blast, if only it would not have wrecked the village Sonic was defending. When the fight was over and the cowards had fled, the villagers invited them to a feast in their honor. Shadow observed with some disgust how Sonic roughly devoured every hapless chili dog that came his way, wondering how the hedgehog's innards had not dissolved from the abundance of spicy food they were forced to contain. For himself, the black hedgehog imbibed in some noodles one of the townsfolk had offered him. As the people partied, Shadow once again found Sonic tugging at his arm, pulling him away from the crowd, a look of discomfort on his face.

"What is it Sonic?"

"Time to hit the road," Sonic said. For a brief moment Shadow wondered what would make his companion want to leave a party in his honor; at least until he followed Sonic's eyes to see what had him so uncomfortable. Three teenaged girls were giggling and waving at him from a distance. While this in and of itself wouldn't have gotten Sonic worried, Shadow noticed three young men giving the hedgehog some fairly nasty glares. Though it was more than likely the two hedgehogs could take the scorned lovers easy, Shadow knew enough about society to know that this would put a severe damper on the celebrations. A quick salute from Sonic and they were off like a shot, oddly enough headed in a southwest direction. Shadow continued following Sonic for several miles before finally asking the obvious question.

"I thought we were going to the Great Glacier… Isn't that to the north?"

"I heard about this jammin' nightclub over in Central Station. I figure if we jet over there we should be able to make it by tomorrow morning. Then we can jam all night long tomorrow night."

"What about Casino Night… this is another one of those 'new and better' options that always seem to be flying into your mind isn't it?'

"Yeah."

"So I take it we're not going to Casino Night Zone then."

"Why you think someone'll miss us there?"

"No I just wish you'd pick a path a stick with it. And so help me Chaos if you say this has anything to do with those cockamamie rules you keep spouting at me."

"You still need to lighten up," Sonic pointed out as he began to skip over the roofs of cars traveling with them. "And my rules are not 'cockamamie.' DETOUR!" Suddenly Sonic turned off the road and into the forest. Once more Shadow found himself playing follow the leader as Sonic bounced and twisted through the forest, a look of annoyance on his face.

#This is getting tedious. How did Tails stand living like this?# Shadow thought as he and Sonic took a leap from a cliff.

"Sonic!" he called out to the falling hedgehog.

"Something up Shadow."

"Look I don't mean to sound rude, but this isn't working out."

"What?"

"This isn't working…"

"I heard that part. What's wrong?"

"I've been with you all day and I don't feel any closer to fitting in on this planet."

"Who said you'd get that from me?"

"You said…"

"I said I'd help you learn to live on this planet Shadow. But if you can't tell, I'm not exactly the 'fit in' type. Matter o' fact I stand out better than almost anyone else I know."

"And what about living here? All you've shown me so far is how to find one annoying party after another."

"And what about getting you a room last night?"

"Somehow I doubt that'll be of much use to 'Mr. Specter.'"

"Yeah, Tails said about the same thing," Sonic said as he began to orient himself for a landing. "So maybe you just weren't meant to live the Sonic life. Not really a surprise if you ask me."

"So I take it you don't think you can help me anymore?"

"Not unless you've suddenly changed your opinion on my life." For a brief moment Shadow considered Sonic's words.

"You're right. I'd never be comfortable trying to copy your life." Shadow pulled out his Chaos Emerald. "Thanks for all of your 'help,' Sonic, but I think I'll continue my search elsewhere."

"See ya, Shadow, and don't be a stranger."

"CHAOS CONTROL!" And with that Sonic was all alone as he hit the ground, speeding merrily on his way.

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_Sonic is nuts, that's all I can say. I don't know what it was that possessed me to ask him for help. I can't live like that; all the endless noise and activity. I liked the peace and quiet on Ark. Maybe that's what I need to recreate to be happy, peace and serenity. That echidna fellow seems to like it pretty solitary, living on that island all by himself. What was his name again? Fists? Nails? Knuckles! That was his name. Maybe he knows something to this life on Earth thing._

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To be continued….


	3. Landlord in the Sky

Relocation: Knuckles

By Asher Tye

Disclaimer: See the first chapter. Sorry this took so long, between moving school and everything else I had no time to actually right (see what I mean, I'm a mess).

**Ri2: Glad you like the story. As far as Knuckles letting Shadow live with him, you're probably right, he wouldn't. But then again, never underestimate the effectiveness of a bribe. As to the looseness and randomness of Sonic's life, Sonic really doesn't strike me as someone who plans too much. From the game I thought it was actually just a coincidence he happened to be in Westopolis when Black Arms attacked.**

**DarkDragonKyra: Thanks for telling me the story is funny, I was a little worried that it went too long. **

**EvilRobotZombie: Yeah, it's funny how difficult it is for people who lead extraordinary lives to get used to living normally. I imagine it's even harder for someone who lived as sheltered as Shadow.**

**Styrofoam Anvil: Wasn't he also frozen for most of those fifty years? Ah well, life on the road really isn't everyone's cup of tea. Personally I just think he doesn't like change. As to his getting kicked off the Floating Island, you'll have to read on to see what happens… **

**WindRyu Hyroko: Sorry this took so long, but I hope this is worth the update.**

**AGodofIrony: I really haven't decided on how I'm gonna end this. It's just more fun using a cynical Shadow and seeing how fast each character's little quirks can drive him nuts. Still I suppose if I keep doing that he might get kicked off-planet. (Interesting way to raise the money for Ark though)**

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"Chaos is power, Power enriched by the heart…" Knuckles chanted as he sat atop the Master Emerald, his eyes closed and his legs crossed as he did his daily meditations. Nearby, Shadow sat in a similar position, though he was currently grinding his teeth in sheer boredom.

#_I didn't come here so Knuckles could teach me how to sit and speak!# _Shadow fumed as he watched the echidna. When he'd come to Angel Island, Knuckles's first response to the black hedgehog's request had been very basic:

"GET THE FRELL OFF MY ISLAND!"

And so began a full hour of Shadow being forced to dodge Knuckles's fists as he attempted to convince the Guardian to help him. In the end it had come down to the fact that as long as Shadow was "living" on Angel Island, at least two of the chaos emeralds would be under the echidna's watchful eye. And so Shadow had become one of the very few people on the entire Earth privy to location of Knuckles's lair. Not that that was saying much.

Shadow had come up with a theory as to the guardian's unfriendly and grumpy personality, and it all centered around the fact that Knuckles basically slept on a solid slab of granite with a thin sheet to cover himself. And it was lumpy granite to boot. As to his guest, Knuckles had offered only the floor and a curt "You better not snore" comment. It had been the most uncomfortable sleep of Shadow's life, which was saying something considering he was the Ultimate Life Form.

#Maybe I should just forgo sleep while I'm here,# Shadow thought to himself. As with food and water, sleep was actually more a luxury than a necessity for him. They had gotten up before dawn so Knuckles could begin his morning patrol of the island. Well, truthfully Knuckles had gotten up and fully intended to just leave Shadow to fend for himself for his first day on the Floating Island. Since the black and red hedgehog was not about to get abandoned, he'd followed along, moving just as swiftly and silently as the echidna. Apparently if he was going to learn anything from the Guardian, he'd have to take the initiative and watch.

The patrol had started with what Shadow had deemed a fruitless attempt to survey the island's boundaries. Though the darkness of night did nothing to impede his own vision, the black hedgehog had great difficulty believing Knuckles's eyes were good enough to make out much beyond the island's edge, particularly if someone were trying to avoid detection. Still, as with Sonic, Shadow had kept his observations to himself. Patrolling the interior of the island proved to be more productive, though, as Knuckles came upon a young tapir trapped in a quicksand trap, no doubt left by Eggman.

"So you not only guard the emeralds, you guard everyone on Angel Island?" Shadow had asked.

"Everyone who belongs here," came the pointed reply. Shadow made a mental note not to depend of Knuckles for any quicksand related help. When the first rays of light began to appear on the island, the duo found themselves at the Altar of the Master Emerald and Knuckles had immediately moved onto the giant gem and closed his eyes. This, of course, had prompted the second conversation between Shadow and Knuckles of the day.

"What exactly are we doing here?"

"Gaining communion with the Master Emerald, what does it look like?"

"Is there any particular reason you'd want to do that?"

"Because it allows me to harness my chaos powers and calms me down enough not to pummel idiots who ask stupid questions during my meditation period." Shadow had taken the hint and fallen silent, simply observing the echidna as he seemed to become just as solid and unmoving as the granite that made up the altar. Upon reflection, it made sense that Knuckles would do something like this. Unlike himself, the echidnas were naturally occurring Earth creatures, so they'd probably had to develop a way to store and utilize chaos energy.

_#Obviously this sitting and meditating malarkey is meant to attune his body to the emerald so he can store its power. I'll have to remember to be more conservative in using my powers, lest I draw unwanted attention from the multitudes who obviously can't use chaos energy.#_

So they had been there for almost two hours with Shadow growing steadily more impatient. Just because he was not as hyperactive as Sonic did not mean he enjoyed being in one place for too long a time. Finally, at exactly two hours after sunrise, Knuckles's eyes opened as he stood up.

"Fully charged?" Shadow asked in a voice he hoped sounded less like mocking than it did. If it didn't, apparently Knuckles took no notice.

"Please don't make it sound like I'm a battery," Knuckles said, his voice somewhat less hostile than it had been earlier that morning. Maybe meditating really did make him calmer. "Now then, time for breakfast."

"I was wondering when we would get to that part," Shadow said. "So what's on the menu today?"

"I believe we shall be dining off the buffet," Knuckles said as he lifted a giant rock from the ground. Underneath a multitude of grubs, centipedes, and other assorted creepy-crawlies squirmed and writhed at the sudden intrusion of light into their dark, dank world.

"You're joking right?" Shadow's question was answered as Knuckles daintily peeled the fattest, slimiest grub Shadow had ever seen off the bottom of the rock and popped it into his mouth, happily chewing it up. "You're not joking."

"What'd you expect, we were going to visit one of the 'many' burger joints on the island? Try some; you won't know if you like it until you try it." Shadow highly doubted this statement, but he wasn't going to be accused of being afraid of bugs. Carefully he grabbed a grub, albeit a much smaller one than Knuckles's, and began to try to put it in his mouth. Each time he pulled back, a shiver running up his spine as he saw the wiggling creature.

"Don't be cruel Shadow, if you're going to eat it, eat it, don't just keep frightening the poor thing." Closing his eyes, holding his nose, and pretending he was holding a fat noodle, Shadow shoved the grub into his mouth. The shiver in his spine returned as he felt the helpless insect wiggle against his tongue and gums. Carefully he positioned the grub onto his teeth and bit down. Immediately he began to gag as the juices of the grub hit his tongue and he spit the whole thing out, sputtering as he did so. Knuckles looked at him with disappointment. "Ah man, why'd you pick that one if you were gonna spit it out again. He was young and probably all juicy."

"That was the foulest thing I ever tasted. How can you eat that junk?"

"What is with you hedgehogs? Tails and most of the Chaotix can stomach a few bugs. Sonic's the only one who keeps turning up his nose and now I find that you do to."

"There weren't many bugs up on Ark, so I go used to eating REAL food," the hedgehog said pointedly. "There has to be something on this island to eat that doesn't crawl and… wiggle."

"Of course there is. This island is full of nature's bounty if you're willing to look," Knuckles said as he walked over to a group of bushes. A spiked hand pulled back the branches and revealed several purple berries. "See, food everywhere." Shadow grabbed a handful of the berries. "Just make sure you avoid…" Before Knuckles could finish, Shadow tossed the entire handful into his mouth. "… the green ones." Shadow looked at the Guardian with a somewhat alarmed expression.

"Okay, typically a warning goes before the declaration that this is food!" The Ultimate Lifeform exclaimed, a look of alarm on his face. "Now tell me what is wrong with the green ones because I just ate four of them!"

"They're poisonous." At Knuckles's words, the alarm on Shadow's face disappeared and he calmly went back to eating the berries.

"If that's all then we're okay, I'm immune to poisons and toxins."

"What?"

"Ultimate Lifeform… As in able to survive anything. One of the first things Gerald built into me was the ability to purify my body of toxins. How do you think I was able to fight off that paralyzing gas Black Doom used on all of you?"

"Fine then, eat the green ones 'till you're sick, or whatever. Breakfast time is almost over anyway."

"One grub and you're full?"

"No, I've only given thirty minutes to breakfast. Unlike some people, I have a schedule to keep and can't afford get thrown off it just because you need a babysitter." So saying, Knuckles trudged back over to the rock and lifted it again, continuing to feast on the insects beneath.

Just as the echidna had promised, breakfast ended soon thereafter and the echidna took off for another patrol of the island. Again they found themselves at the borders of Angel Island and this time Shadow was more willing to accept that this was a productive use of time. This time they caught sight of a plane making its way across the sky and Knuckles watched the vehicle with a growing tension, making sure it did not decide to alter course and land on Angel Island. Three more craft were spotted, and of them only one actually looked like it was headed for the island, a fact that began to agitate Knuckles until he noted the markings of the craft identified it as a mail transport, one of the very few visitors the echidna allowed to set foot on his island. Knuckles raced for the nearest take-off point and leapt into the air, spreading his quills as wide as possible to allow himself to glide towards the plane's destination. Shadow tagged along, utilizing a combination of his own speed and Chaos control to make sure the echidna couldn't "accidentally" lose him. When they arrived at the clearing that served as a runway, the plane had already landed and the hatch was opened on it. Already a crowd of the natives had gathered round as two men in official looking uniforms worked to distribute their cargo. Knuckles watched from a safe distance, more to ensure that chaos did not reign amongst the crowd than to keep the postal workers from causing trouble.

"Is it usually this bad?" Shadow asked.

"You wouldn't think so. Typically people come to this island to isolate themselves from the rest of the world, but I guess even hermits can get starved for lack of news," Knuckles answered. He gave a shrill whistle as an impatient, young jackal tried to climb onto the plane, no doubt intending to get his mail and packages for himself. When he heard the whistle, he took a quick look around before noticing the Guardian and moving back down to wait his turn. As each member of the crowd received his or her mail, they departed, which helped ease the frenzied atmosphere considerably. Finally when the last person left, Knuckles approached the plane.

"Mr. Echidna, nice to see you again," one of the pilots said; a comment that only received a grunt from the Guardian. "Thanks for stopping that jackal from getting on the plane. I've never seen anyone so eager to get his hands on a copy of a newspaper. Who's this?" Shadow had just walked up behind Knuckles and into view.

"Hey isn't that that hedgehog who stopped those aliens? Not Sonic… what was his name?"

"Shadow, it was Shadow," Shadow said flatly, more than a little upset that people were having so much trouble remembering his name.

"I thought I heard you were with Sonic…" Knuckles's eye-ridge lifted at that information, as Shadow had neglected to share with him that little tidbit.

"I was, now I'm not. Is that a problem?"

"Not if you don't want your mail it's not. Speaking of which…" The human reached back into the plane and pulled forth a bundle of magazines and letters. "Knuckles, here's your mail. Looks like you got that reply you were looking for from CompuDate…"

"I haven't got the slightest idea what you're talking about," Knuckles suddenly broke in in a very loud voice. "Why would I be interested in Compu-whatever? What is it some sort of calendar service?" Knuckles quickly shuffled the mentioned letter between his magazines. The men waved goodbye to Knuckles as he hurriedly walked off, Shadow shadowing him as he went.

"CompuDate?"

"If you wanna keep all your teeth I suggest you forget you ever heard that, got it Rocket Butt!" Knuckles said sternly. For the briefest moment, Shadow considered taking the echidna up on his offer. He was a guest after all and even a recluse like Knuckles should know to treat a guest. Still, Shadow supposed this was one of those respecting privacy things he was still having to deal with. As he recalled Gerald had gotten particularly steamed at him the time he'd found those magazines the doctor kept under his bed. "Come on, we need to finish patrol, it's almost time for lunch." Shadow followed the echidna, his stomach balking at the thought of watching him eat more grubs.

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Lunch ended promptly at noon and Knuckles immediately took his usual place at the altar of the Master Emerald, closed his eyes and waited. Anyone could have mistaken him for being asleep, and Shadow would have believed so too if he didn't see how tense the echidna's body was. Once more Shadow sat down.

_#Is this all he does all day?#_ Shadow thought to himself. _#I know he's supposed to be Guardian of the Floating Island but that doesn't mean he has to act like some sort of robot.#_ Shadow's thoughts were interrupted as he heard the sound of rustling leaves nearby. Evidently Knuckles heard it too as Shadow watched the echidna's head lean ever so slightly in the direction of the noise. When nothing actually presented itself, he seemed to relax again, in as much as he ever did. With nothing else to occupy his own time, Shadow began to practice throwing punches and kicks in rapid succession. He was positively amazed at how much energy he had. Obviously being this close to the Master Emerald gave him a substantial boost of energy. This became even more apparent when he launched his signature move, Chaos Spear, and managed to vaporize a half mile long line of trees.

"Hello!" Shadow said, very stunned. He certainly had not expected this.

"You moron!" Knuckles yelled as he leapt down beside the black hedgehog, looking at the damage caused with wide eyes. "Do you realize you've just clear-cut a path to the emeralds? What were you thinking?"

"It's not like I planned that you know. The Master Emerald must be putting out too much chaos energy. I guess I need to watch my strength around here."

"YOU THINK! It's gonna take me forever to move enough trees over here to cover that up."

"Move trees?"

"What, you think I can just leave a bare stretch of forest leading straight to the Master Emerald? What do you think I do every time Eggman shows up and burns, tears, or otherwise destroys the trees, buy some MiracleGro? It takes too much time for the trees to grow back naturally so I have to transplant them, which I have to do now thanks to you."

"How about I just Chaos Control them into their spots. It'd probably save some time over having to actually drag them back here."

"Yes I can just see it now. I let you do that and before I know it half the trees on this island have been teleported into the ocean, not to mention the altar, my lair, the Sandopolis ruins, Hydrocity's dam, and about half the local wildlife. No thank you. I'll do this the old fashion way, without any fancy-shmancy powers." So saying Knuckles began to trek through the forest, trying to find suitable trees to replace the once Shadow destroyed. Of course, uprooting just any tree was entirely out of the question. Not only did he have to choose trees whose absence wouldn't damage the forest too much, he had to find ones hardy enough to survive being uprooted and moved. It proved to be easier than expected to find the first candidate, however, as he came across a fairly young and strong specimen.

"Yeah, you should do nicely."

"Excellent, show me where you want it then," came Shadow's voice as the tree began to shake and rise. Knuckles grabbed for the ground as the black hedgehog used his chaos enhanced strength to mercilessly rip the tree out of the soil.

"What do you think you're doing!"

"You said not to use Chaos Control so I'm not."

"Do you have any idea what you've just done? You ripped that tree off of its roots! You killed it! Haven't you ever transplanted anything before!" Knuckles yelled.

"Oddly enough there wasn't a whole lot of soil up on Ark so no!" Shadow yelled back. "But pardon me for wanting to help!"

"I didn't ask for your help! All I wanted you to do was stay put while I took care of this!"

"That's all you ever want! If it were up to you I'd be a stone statue, just as cold and lifeless as that worthless altar you've got the Master Emerald on!"

"Well it seems like every time you move you cause more damage to my island so maybe being a statue would be an IMPROVEMENT! Everyone else on this island knows enough to just mind their own business and stay outta my way, why can't you get it."

"Because I'm not one of these pathetic hermits you've taken under your wing, echidna. I'm trying to learn how to live in the world and I need you to teach me. And so far all you've taught me is how to do is be a paperweight!"

"Life is chaotic, it needs order, and it needs structure, especially on this island. I provide that order on this island, and I provide that structure. I am here everyday, I visit each part of the island everyday, and I defend the master emerald everyday. I am the rock that stands in the middle of the stream, immovable and unchanging. WHAT IN THE NAME OF CHAOS MAKES YOU THINK I KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HOW TO LIVE IN THE WORLD?" Once again Shadow looked puzzled.

"What?"

"I live on a deserted island that flies through the air. I haven't got the foggiest idea how to interact with people in the long run and that's the way I like it." Knuckles held the bridge of his nose as he closed his eyes. "Look, if you wanna live here, that's fine. It's obvious to me you don't wanna steal my emerald. But that's where this relationship will end. I'm not looking for a sidekick or a junior partner; I protect and maintain this island alone."

"I see. If that's the case then explain why I'm here."

"You bribed me with a chaos emerald. But if you were expecting something more than just a landlord, I'd suggest you keep on looking, particularly if you don't think you can control your power sufficiently enough to keep from knocking out pieces of my island." Shadow's eyes closed as he considered what Knuckles had said.

"You're right, what WAS I thinking coming to you. It's obvious to me I won't learn anything I can use from you unless I want to live in the wilderness for the rest of my life and that's not appealing." Shadow reached behind him and once more pulled out his chaos emerald.

"Hey you promised that to me if I let you live here!"

"But I'm not living here anymore, so you're outta luck. CHAOS CONTROL!" Once more there was a flash of light and Shadow disappeared.

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_Knuckles is a blockhead. If I stayed there for very much longer, he and I would be beating on each other nonstop before the week was over. Still, he does make a valid point about my choices so far. Obviously I can't just look at who has had the most success; I need someone who's actually successful AND living amongst the population. And that means trying to find someone already established in the city…And the best candidate who meets those criteria is… Rouge._

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Sorry this took so long, I had a devil of a time what with moving and starting school again. With any luck the next update will be quicker. As always read and review, 'cause I always enjoy reading feedback.


	4. Bright Lights, Big Fight

Relocation: Rouge

By Asher Tye

**AGodofIrony: **Round and round Shadow goes, where he stops he doesn't know.  Thanks for the praise on the story, hope you like this chapter.

**IceDragon88: **Well thank you for the compliment, I do try to be as descriptive as possible when I'm writing without overloading a reader. I just got a little tired of writing strictly adventure and drama, so I figured I'd try my hand at comedy. (Shadow: I am a hedgehog, NOT a guinea pig!)

**Lavender the Echidna: **You never know with Rouge, for all we know she may be a down to earth, early to bed early to rise, dull and boring woman… And on that same note, Sonic might turn out to be Dr. Robotnik in a hedgehog suit. 

**Dark Dragon Kyra:** I have a theory about Shadow. Despite being the Ultimate Life Form and being able to live, well, anywhere, he has nevertheless gotten used to certain creature comforts such as running hot water, power, food that doesn't try desperately to escape you. So Knuckles's lifestyle of the eternal campout would very much have run him ragged before long.

**JaydiTheLadi:** Well here you go, enjoy.

Disclaimer: See the first chapter. But just a little warning about this chapter, since Rouge is in it, it does get a little raunchy (nothing wholly offensive but still). And now; on with the show.

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There were definite advantages to be in the Ultimate Lifeform. When he had created Shadow, Professor Gerald had imbued the hedgehog with super-acute senses. His eyes could easily tell you the color, length, and probable density of a hair plucked from a jacket. He could spot a stealth jet three hundred miles up in the middle of a moonless, starless night. His nose could pick up running water from a little over two miles away. And his ears could hear a pin drop even when covered up by an explosion. Typically he enjoyed such powers, especially since they were never considered by his opponents.

Now though, as he lay in his cot, he would have given almost anything to be struck deaf. He was currently taking up residence in the home of Rouge the Bat, thief, gem enthusiast, secret agent, and, what astonishingly few people seemed to realize, owner/operator of the Club Rouge. Unfortunately, the Club Rouge was also the bat's primary residence, a fact that was being made abundantly clear by the loud music blaring all around Shadow and shaking the floor and everything else that wasn't nailed down. (And a few things that were.) The mistress of the house was currently downstairs in the club, more than likely enjoying the ongoing party atmosphere of her establishment, which meant that Shadow was not able to voice his irritation as he would have liked. What made this particularly annoying was the fact that Rouge would be far less accommodating when she eventually went to sleep. Shadow vividly remembered the bloody nose of the mail carrier that had been foolish enough to ring her doorbell for her signature on the package. The only thing that had kept the bat from ringing the poor man's bell again had been the fact that she really was more interested in sleeping.

Finally having enough, Shadow threw off his covers, yanked on his shoes and prepared to descend into the bright lights and loud music that was the Club Rouge.

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The Club Rouge was not at all what one would expect of a nightclub owned by a vampire bat. For one thing, it was brighter inside than it was outside when the sun was up and no clouds were in the sky. Colors of all kinds danced and twirled across the walls and floor, projected by spotlights that hung from the ceiling. Occasionally one of the lights would hit the signature feature of the club; a giant hanging chandelier in which was housed innumerable gems of various colors, sizes, and shapes. Each time a light hit a jewel, a cascade of shimmering sparkles descended onto the floor. Shadow speculated that the chandelier was probably worth several million dollars, especially since Rouge only put gemstones of quality in the thing. It was a little known fact but Rouge was actually quite wealthy, so it wasn't always by stealing that she managed to add to her collection of gemstones.

#_If I had that much money, I bet I'd be able to return to Ark no problem,#_ Shadow thought as he descended the stairs marked private. Quickly he banished such thoughts from his mind. He did not have the money so it was pointless to dwell on what could not be. #_Still…#_

As he entered the club proper a large, well-dressed warthog stepped in front of him.

"Hey pal, I didn't see you come in and… Oh, it's you Shadow."

"Bruce, do you have any idea what time it is?" the irritated hedgehog asked the warthog, his ears ringing as the current song pounded in his ears.

"I don't set the hours here, the lady does. You're not thinking of starting any trouble now, are you?" The warthog began to appraise Shadow, trying to determine how best to stop him if trouble was imminent. Shadow almost laughed at the thought.

"No, no I'm not," he finally said. It would do no good to cause a scene in this place, no one would notice except Rouge and she'd probably find it very funny. Carefully Shadow began to search out the bat in question. It wasn't like it was hard to find her, just look for the largest group of drunken, swooning males being glared at by an equal number of angry and frustrated females. Sure enough, Rouge was sitting in a large booth surrounded on both sides by admirers offering her everything from drinks to mansions. And of course, Rouge was immensely enjoying the attention (and all the while pocketing the smaller trinkets offered her).

Without so much as second thought, Shadow approached the bat, paying no heed to anyone else. One of the onlookers tried to stop him, muttering something about waiting his turn, but a quick strike to the top of the man's head was enough to send him to LaLa land. Unfortunately, actually getting through the crowd of would-be suitors turned out to be more difficult than he'd thought, particularly since he had to do so without actually harming anyone. Finally Shadow had enough.

"CHAOS CONTROL!" In the blink of an eye Shadow disappeared and reappeared on top of the table Rouge was sitting at, tapping his foot in agitation. The bat calmly looked at him as though he were meant to be there, clearly unfazed by his antics.

"Shadow, I didn't know you were still up, I thought you were one of those 'early to bed, early to rise' type of fellows." Shadow's slender frame slid easily into the spot next to her, much to the aggravation of the human that had been there.

"I typically am, but sleeping anywhere in the vicinity of the Club Rouge at night seems to be more than even I can accomplish."

"Ears are too sensitive, right?" Shadow looked at her with something resembling astonishment. "What, you think you're the only one on the planet with ultra sensitive hearing?" Rouge pulled a pair of earplugs from… somewhere, and handed them to Shadow. "These should help." Shadow gladly took the proffered earplugs and inserted them. Much to his relief the music of the club became a lot more bearable for him.

#_I won't have to destroy those loudspeakers after all,#_ he mused.

"Hey baby how come you don't give presents to all of us," came a lecherous voice next to Shadow, accompanied by alcohol-laden breathe that was thick enough to cause the hedgehog's eyes to water.

"Shadow is a houseguest and it is a hostess's responsibility to look after her houseguest." Immediately an inebriated marmoset tried to crawl over the hedgehog in question.

"Oh how do I get that privilege. You could take care of me and I'd be VERY apprecia…" The male stopped as Shadow, in NO mood to be crawled over, punched him in the gut. This proved to be a mistake, however, as the overly drunk marmoset released the contents of his stomach onto his attacker.

"ARGH!" screamed Shadow as the disgusting goo settled on him.

"That's why you never punch a drunk in the gut when he's on top of you," Rouge replied nonchalantly.

"Yeah, thanks for that little bit of insight, Rouge, you and Knuckles really have great timing when it comes to these 'life lessons.' At least Sonic had the sense to state a lesson was coming."

"Sonic's had more practice raising children. I'm not the mothering type, so what do you want," was the retort Rouge gave, sounding more amused than anything else. Clearly she was enjoying the somewhat humiliated expression Shadow had. "Go to the restroom and wash that gunk off of you, okay, I don't want to start a mess in my club the custodians won't clean up. They already think I'm crazy." This time Shadow found it much easier to get by Rouge's little fan club, as even drunks were loathe to come near him with what he had on.

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Some forty minutes later, Shadow exited the bathroom trying with great difficulty dry his quills using the flimsy paper towels. Though for the most part the vomit seemed to have been stripped from his fur, the smell and feel told him very plainly he would be taking a VERY long, VERY hot shower to get the remainder off of him. Tossing the soiled towel into the nearest garbage receptacle, Shadow turned his attention back to his batty hostess's table. He was quite surprised to see that the crowd of males that had formerly surrounded her were gone, replaced by what looked like a broad, short bulldog in a fairly expensive suit, flanked on both sides by a rather nasty looking giraffe with a scar on his long neck and a human with a face that somehow seemed more rat-like then the face of an actual rat. What got Shadow's attention most, though, was the fact that Rouge's face no longer wore the amused smirk she often held when she was in her night club, but instead was the face of a woman who was quickly becoming fed up with her company. Silently Shadow moved up to listen.

"I told you before, Carby, the answer is NO!" Rouge said with great finality.

"Oh come now Rouge, you were made for this job," said the bulldog who was obviously Carby. "All you do is the ol' fly and snatch, and you can even keep anything we don't want."

"How 'gentlemanly' of you Carby, but the answer is still no. You still haven't paid me in full for the last two jobs I did for you. And so help me Rat-Face if you snigger at that I'll drop you from my chandelier!"

"Perish the thought Ms. Rouge," Rat-Face said his face as innocent as he could make it.

"Rouge, please listen to me, I'm merely asking for a small, shall we say, favor. If you perform well, we can all reap the benefits of it."

"Don't make it sound like I'm one of your hired flunkies Carby. I am strictly freelance which means if you don't pay, I don't play."

"Hey buddy, you got a problem or just lookin' for one?" The giraffe angrily said as he noticed Shadow for the first time. "Stickin' your nose in other people's business is a good way to get it broke." At this point the giraffe began to shove a finger into Shadow's chest. "Why don't you just take your spiny, little goth butt and Aahh!" Shadow had grabbed the giraffe's proffered digit and began to twist very hard, forcing the larger animal to his knees.

"Pointing a finger at me is an even better way to get IT broken," Shadow said as he put on his coldest face. "I've been having a very bad night so far and I would very much appreciate a little consideration. Is that too much to ask?"

"Why you stupid jerk," Rat-Face said as he reached into his coat to pull out a small gun. In less than a second the weapon was in Shadow's hand. Rat-Face attempted to charge the hedgehog, only be blocked by his boss's arm.

"Rat-Face, Jeremy, where are you manners. Have you no respect when in the presence of a hedgehog that has saved the world," the bulldog said as nice as you pleased. "My apologies for my associates' extremely poor manners Mr. Sonic." Immediately the mask of cold indifference fell from Shadow's face as his eyes burned and his teeth clenched as he stalked up to the bulldog.

"My name is SHADOW!" he said in a hissing voice that did a very good job of being heard by everyone within a twenty foot radius of him. The only thing that knocked him back to reality was the small snap of a bone breaking as he realized he still held the giraffe's finger in his hand.

"Looks like he'll have to get that set," Rouge said, her voice betraying no sympathy for the injured goon. "I guess this is as good a time as any to introduce you to my club's newest resident."

"A pleasure to meet you," Carby intoned, completely unfazed both by Shadow's outburst and the injury to his man. "Perhaps it is you who will be able to talk some sense into Ms. Rouge concerning my business proposal."

"Seems she already has sense enough to me. If you'd neglected to pay me as promised, I most certainly wouldn't help you either." At this, Carby let out a loud breath.

"I was hoping to use this as something of a thank you for all the work you've done for me in the past, but it seems now I must rely more on it being an effective bribe," the bulldog said as he reached into his own pocket. He pulled forth a long, velvet covered box and placed it on the table before Rouge. The vampire opened the container with a single hand and immediately her eyes lit up. A jeweled necklace with a diamond the size of a golf ball sat inside, its string similarly ornamented with other jewels of varying colors. Instantly Shadow recognized one of these "lesser" jewels was in fact a powerstone, which made it the most valuable on the necklace. Idly he wondered if Carby knew this.

"I don't think I'll call this a bribe, gentleman, so much as payment with interest," Rouge finally said after examining each stone (and taking a significantly longer time studying the powerstone). "This is not to say this job won't cost you big as well. After all, both Shadow and I make for quite the pricey team."

"What!" came three male voices as giraffe, human, and hedgehog tried to process what had just been said.

"With all fairness, Rouge, your talents speak for themselves, but I fail to see how Mr. Shadow here could qualify as a safe investment."

"I guarantee you Carby, pay my price and with Shadow's help; the target will be in your hands by morning."

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"Explain to me again how I got suckered into this," Shadow said as he and Rouge observed the building they were to break into from a nearby rooftop. The job, as it turned out, was to steal a golden gauntlet that was currently on display at the Central City Museum. Supposedly, it was the right hand of a powerful god of an ancient civilization and had over forty-seven jewels from emerald to topaz set within it. Legend had it that the disciple who wore the artifact and spoke the ancient spell inscribed on its surface had the power to transform into a golden colossus that could topple any army. This was why the gauntlet had been named the Giant's Hand. It was also extremely valuable and collectors were willing to pay an absolute fortune for it, which was why Carby wanted it in the first place.

"You said you wanted to know how to make a living on Earth. Well this is how I make my living," Rouge said as she looked at the building through her binoculars. "Besides its high time you started paying me back for all those ramen noodles you eat."

"And here I thought you were being nice to me because I was a house guest. Okay, so what's the plan?"

"Typically I take a day or two to scout a place before I strike, but this museum's old hat. The curator thinks that security can be patched up just by throwing money at problem areas, which means there's always a weak spot where the patch doesn't… line up right."

"Ah huh, and if we cut out the little metaphor, this means?"

"Changing the lock doesn't work if the door's hinges are missing."

"You know, I could just Chaos Control us inside, right next to the Giant's Hand if need be." Rouge cupped the hedgehog's muzzle as she leaned close to his face.

"Yes you could do that… and likewise it'd be much easier to lift during the daytime when its defenses are weakest. But you have to understand, the greater the challenge, the nicer the reward is." Suddenly Rouge did a back flip of the building they were on and flew towards the museum. Stunned for the briefest of moments, Shadow leapt after her, clicking together the heels of his shoes to activate their jets. A second click increased their output to allow him a limited form of flight.

"Do you have to be so noisy when you fly?" Rouge admonished when Shadow caught up with her on the building's roof.

"Pardon me for not having bat wings."

"That's all right, we can't all be perfect."

"So how do we get in?"

"Last time I was here, I cut the skylight's alarm wire to get in."

"So I take it we won't be using that," Shadow said as he began to walk away from the window.

"Remember what I said about locks and hinges? Well it doesn't do much good to fix the alarm," Rouge lifted one of the skylight's windows calmly, "if the window is no longer connected to it." Shadow looked closer to see that the contacts that should have risen along with the window and caused the alarm to go off were still sitting quite tightly on their wire as though the window had not been moved. "It was the other window I used last time, so they had no reason to check this one when they patched up the security system." Rouge carefully laid the pane of glass on the ground.

"Okay, color me impressed," Shadow said as they both entered a massive room containing huge skeletons that looked to belong to giant lizards, the dinosaur exhibit. Rouge's claws dug into the wall as Shadow found a perch to get on that kept them above the range of normal cameras. Unfortunately, the museum seemed to have acquired some of G.U.N.'s beetle robots as one began to move through the room they were in, a light shining in front of it as it searched for suspicious activity. Immediately Rouge slid behind a support column while Shadow leapt silently from his perch and into the giant skull of what appeared to be one of Biolizard's relations.

#_Was this where the doctor go the inspiration for that monstrosity's form? Glad he chose something less cumbersome to model me after.#_

As the robot left, Shadow prepared to come out only to find the cavity he was in become much smaller as a certain bat entered the skull.

"Good reflexes Shadow, I was afraid you'd try something macho like blowing up the beetle," Rouge whispered.

"Power has its uses, but stealth is needed here. So now what do we do?"

"The beetles complicate things, but not too much. When I visited the museum a few days ago, they were keeping the Giant's Hand in the Mysteries of the World exhibit. That's on the second floor, so we have to get from here to those balconies." As she spoke, Rouge pointed to said balconies. In order to house the skeletons, this room was actually two stories tall, with the building's second floor terminating with four balconies that allowed patrons to get a higher view of the exhibit. "The real problem is the cameras once we get into the corridors. I can crawl along the ceiling but you…"

"If those cameras have the ability to spot me, I deserve to get caught. But what about the beetles?"

"Beetle sensors have a serious flaw, no real night vision. Stay away from their lights and don't move as they pass and they shouldn't see you."

"And if they do?"

"Then we haul but to the Giant's Hand and get out before the cops come, I'm not letting my reputation go down just because you're clumsy." With that Rouge took to the air again, leaving Shadow to wonder just how trustworthy his partner was… and how he could get a set of wings too. Carefully the hedgehog watched as the cameras moved back and forth and then, seeing his chance, he began to grind down the spine of the dino he was on. The tail had been curved upward and, as luck would have it, was pointed almost directly at the balcony Rouge had gone for. As Shadow leapt from the tip of the tail, he began to twist in mid-air, touching the bottom of his show to activate its suction function. This, combined with his own speed, would give him ten seconds to run along the wall to safe ground. Once he'd met up again with his partner, Rouge signaled him to be quiet before climbing up onto the ceiling. For a brief moment Shadow feared the ceiling would not hold even the slender bat's frame, but soon she was crawling along it at an alarming speed. The hedgehog decided to give her a nice head start before crossing himself, that way he'd be nearby just in case there was trouble.

Once more watching the cameras, Shadow took off the instant they were turned as far away as possible from him, stopping directly under the closet camera. A second later he sped off and underneath a second camera. Again and again he did this until he'd made his way through the corridor; mere seconds ahead of Rouge.

"This place is even creepier at night," Rouge commented as she landed by her partner, and Shadow had to agree. It seemed as though the whole "Mysteries of the World" thing was meant to house all the odds and ends the museum had that didn't quite fit anywhere else. A ceremonial monkey's hand, several ornamented skulls, tapestries depicting gory battles, and frightening carved statues of ancient gods, spirits, and who knew what else sat upon pedestals and in cases that seemed dedicated more to enhancing their mystique than dispelling it.

#_Why are humans so obsessed with gory and horrific images of the past,#_ Shadow thought as he looked at a tapestry depicting a tribe of what were obviously humans slaughtering what looked like a group of echidna. It was highly doubtful the tapestry was accurate as, if Knuckles was any indication, Shadow didn't believe echidna warriors would ever run from a battle, even one they weren't winning.

"Oh Shadow, if you could tear yourself away from that little reenactment of 'blood and glory,' I've found the Giant's Hand," Rouge said. Shadow followed and they found the gauntlet sitting on a pedestal under a glass case.

"I think that's the same thing I found the Chaos Emerald in last time I was here," Shadow said as he approached the case, fully intending to repeat his actions then. Thankfully, Rouge's hand stopped him.

"And do you remember what happened after you took the emerald? You had half the G.U.N. mobile units on your tail. The only thing that stopped them from everyone was the fact that Sonic was in town and they thought you were him," Rouge pulled out what looked like compact from her suit. "Let's try to avoid that little headache this time."

"You use a compact? Isn't that a little cliché?"

"Maybe so, but it's a lot smaller and lighter than an aerosol can." So saying, Rouge blew the powder in the small kit towards the case and several red beams of light appeared around the case and as the powder settled to the ground, the beams vanished once more. "Did you get that?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Because you're going to get that gauntlet, without tripping any of those sensors," she answered. Shadow looked at her skeptically for a moment, and then cautiously approached the case. The truth of the matter was that he could see infrared, but that wasn't something he was especially eager to share with Rouge. Slowly he extended his arm, weaving it through the beams slowly until he was touching the glass and pedestal.

"Chaos Control," Shadow whispered before both he and the pedestal disappeared, only to reappear outside the borders of the security grid.

"Kinda takes away the challenge, doesn't it?"

"This isn't teleportation you know, I'm warping time and space and I still have to put this back where I found it; a task that leaves an exceptionally small margin for error." Shadow removed the glass case and prepared to take the gauntlet when Rouge grabbed his hand.

"Uh, uh honey, that thing has a remote pressure sensor on it," Rough explained, pointing to an almost imperceptible panel sitting underneath the thing. "Fortunately, I thought ahead. Again, from seemingly nowhere, Rouge pulled forth a bat shaped statuette. As Shadow pondered where exactly she was keeping all these things, Rouge deftly switched the figurine for the Giant's Hand. Suddenly, a frown crossed her face. "Something's wrong here."

"What?"

"If this thing is supposed to be made of gold, why doesn't it feel like cold metal? It feels more like… plastic. And that's not even counting the problem I have with the jewels." Without warning Rouge crushed one of the "emeralds" in her hand, proving it to be made of cheap glass.

"Did someone get it before us?"

"Worse…" Rouge said as she leapt at Shadow, knocking them both away as a spray of bullets shattered the glass case and destroyed the figurine.

"Well whaddya know, the dame's got brains after all," came the irritating voice of the rat-faced man from the club.

"A set-up?" Shadow asked Rouge as they ducked behind another exhibit, already knowing the answer.

"Obviously." Rouge shouted out to the gangster. "What's the matter, Carby not trust me enough to do the job; did he have to send in the fourth string?"

"Boss Carby's sick of all the disrespect you keep showing him, and frankly so am I. Prancing little socialites need to remember their place when they're out playin' tough girl, especially around the real tough guys."

"So what, is this the part where I say I'm sorry?"

"No, this is the part where you and your little boyfriend take the rap for the theft of the Giant's Hand and spend the rest o' your lives up the creek when it doesn't show up. Of course, that's only if you survive." Another spray of gunfire chipped away more of the exhibit the two thieves were hiding behind.

"Okay, so now what's the plan for getting out of here, lady?"

"Out of here? Shadow, what makes you think I have any intention of leaving without that artifact? Or without teaching that loser and his goon squad not to mess with Rouge the Bat?"

"Why is it I get the feeling another one of those 'life lessons' is about to be demonstrated?"

"Never let anyone use you as a stepping stone, Shadow," Rouge said, "unless of course that 'anyone' is a certain gorgeous pink and white bat." Suddenly, Shadow found himself being tossed out from behind the hiding spot amid a spray of bullets. Fortunately, his reflexes were much faster and he was a good four feet away before the bullets struck the ground. Mentally he made a note to have a long talk with Rouge about her planning skills. Shadow sped in the direction of the closest gunmen, a female human, using a mixture of speed and Chaos Control to avoid the bullets. She might have been a good shot under normal circumstances, but against Shadow, she went down in less then fifteen seconds as he knocked her cold. Before he could even turn though, more bullets came flying at him as two more shooters took the woman's place.

"Shadow Rifle," Shadow said as the named gun appeared from its hyperspace storage place and in his hand. Quickly he fired a volley of six shots, striking the gunners down. Suddenly, the rifle was kicked out of his hand as a hawk attempted skewer him on a set of razor-sharp steel talons. This attack was foiled, however, by a swift kick to the beak courtesy of Rouge who had taken to the air when all the attention had shifted to Shadow. "Finally decided to join in, did you?"

"You looked like you could handle yourself."

"Well now I'll handle you," said the hawk as he leapt for Rouge. The bat backed away in the air as her adversary slashed wildly with his talons, anger making his strikes wilder and easier to dodge. Suddenly, Rouge tossed up her compact right in the path of a slash. As could be predicted, the moment the metal talons struck the plastic compact, it shattered, releasing a cloud of fine powder in the astonished avian's face. Immediately he started hacking and coughing and that was the point Rouge chose to attack, driving her knee into her fellow flyer's gut hard. As he reeled from that attack, Rouge flipped above him, bringing the heel of her boot down right on his head and sending him crashing into Shadow's waiting fist.

Rat-Face was not happy. He'd thought six cronies would be more than enough to deal with Rouge and some hedge-rat and now there was only him and two others left. Quickly he pulled out his cell-phone to call Boss Carby.

"Boss we got problems."

"Don't tell me that cheeky little bat's giving you difficulties."

"It's not just that boss, that hedgehog she was with is also causin' us grief."

"You mean you can't handle Rouge and some Sonic wannabe."

"Who are you calling a wannabe," Shadow said as he grabbed the cell and crushed it in his hand. "I really hate cowards who try to ambush people, especially cowards who are insulting." The hedgehog's eyes seethed with hatred as he glared at the human, his every muscle tight in burning fury.

"Look it wasn't even my idea…"

"And that makes it all right! That gives you the excuse to shoot people in the back!" Rouge could tell where this was headed and that her friend was about to loose it. Despite saving the world, it was very likely Shadow would not be allowed t come and go as he pleased if the general public realized just how destructively powerful the hot-tempered hedgehog was.

"It's time to calm down now Shadow, it's not like their plan actually worked you know. And we certainly can handle some rent-a-thugs without breaking a sweat."

"So you're saying we should just let them off the hook!"

"No, I'm saying if you kill them, you blow any chance of living without the cops, the military, G.U.N., and the general public trying to stop you." For the briefest of moments Rouge didn't think she was reaching him, but he did visible begin to calm down.

"You're right, you're right. I was losing it for a second there," a deep breathe, "I'm sorry."

"Hey, no harm no foul," Rouge stated.

"So does that mean we're square too?" Rat-Face asked hopefully.

"No," Rouge said matter-of-factly as she delivered a sharp kick to Rat-Face's face that knocked him cold, as well as scattered a few teeth. In the distance, sirens could be heard indicating that someone had called the cops.

"So what do we do with them?" Rouge walked over to an old covered bed and pulled down the tasseled rope that held the cloth on. She then indicated for Shadow to help her and they began tying the goons together.

"We leave then all wrapped up like nice little presents for the police to play with," Rouge said as they finished tying the thugs up. "Now, let's get out of here before we have to answer any embarrassing questions."

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Ten minutes later found the pair standing on the roof of the building across from the museum, watching as the police loaded Rat-Face and his cronies into a transport. As the night wind whipped through Shadow's quills, he turned to Rouge.

"So what are you gonna do about this Boss Carby creep? I can't imagine he'll be too happy that you sent his buddies to jail."

"Despite what you may have heard Boss Carby is a very low ranking crime boss. When word gets out that he tried to double-cross me, and more importantly raised my rates, he won't be able to get out of town fast enough." Rouge drew a finger across her throat to emphasize her point. "And the best part is they'll be falling all over themselves to try to bribe me into thinking they're completely trustworthy."

"Please don't tell me you had this all planned."

"Planned? I think that might be giving this scenario a bit too much credit," Rouge answered as she began to walk back across the roof. "Did I know Carby was going to betray me tonight? No, I honestly thought he was going to wait until he had the Giant's Hand in his hot little hands. But you have to know how to play if you're going to live dangerously like I do. Don't worry; you'll pick it up in no time."

Briefly an image came to Shadow's mind of him sitting in Rouge's club like some Bond-type villain listening as some two-bit pickpocket tried to convince him to help take over the world. A shudder went down Shadow's spine at the thought.

"Sorry but I'm not interested. I'm done with the whole 'life of adventure' thing. All I want is to have a normal relaxing life where I can enjoy myself, preferably without having to eat bugs for breakfast." This last part Shadow said under his breath, though Rouge still heard it.

"Shadow, is this your overly dramatic way of saying you're leaving?" Shadow nodded. "Well I can't say I'm happy to hear about it. With your talents you could definitely go far in the underworld and we'd be pretty much unstoppable. I don't think even Sonic or Knuckles could stop us."

"Still I don't have time for a partner who's miserable about the work he does. If you don't want to stay and be a master thief, you might as well find someone else whose life you can emulate." Rouge thought for a moment. "You know, that Amy girl seems pretty down to earth, you might see if she's interested in a roommate."

"Fine. Well than, thanks for all your advice, and I guess I'll see you around sometime." With that Shadow leapt from the roof, reaching around for his chaos emerald. "CHAOS…" But there was no emerald to grab. Immediately the Ultimate Life Form glared at the bat. "ROUGE!"

"Oh calm down, I thought it'd make an excellent momento of our time together," the thief said as she tossed the pilfered gem back to the falling hedgehog. Shadow twisted in the air to catch the emerald in one hand.

"CHAOS CONTROL!" And in a flash of brilliant light, Shadow was gone.

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_That thieving bat! How dare she take my emerald! I take back all the nice things I said about her!_

_Still, I can't say I don't appreciate her help, even if it was a little backhanded. If I remember correctly, Amy was that pink hedgehog girl who mistook me for Sonic back on Prison Island. She seemed nice, if a bit touched in the head. And she certainly doesn't strike me as the type to live a hectic lifestyle (at least not if she doesn't perceive Sonic in danger). So maybe I'll give her a shot. It can't be any worse than the other three yo-yos I've gone to for help…_

Famous last words, eh? See you next update.


	5. Dream Large, Think Pink

Relocation: Amy

By Asher Tye

**Ri2: **Glad the heist was cool, I actually had this vision of it that involved Shadow reducing the museum to rubble, but this turned out to make more sense for someone looking to live a normal life.

**Dark Dragon Kyra:** Shadow looks too different to really be mistaken for Sonic, especially by a fangirl like Amy, IMHO. The first time it made sense since she didn't know of any other hedgies on Prison Island. But that is a good idea none the less. It is gonna be awfully interesting to see how long he can take being her boxercising companion. And glad you liked the yo-yo comment; I've actually been waiting for there to have been enough people he's tried for it to fit.

**K.O.D:** I think anyone who carries around a giant anime mallet for protection AND is very successful with it has to be a little loopy. Let's just hope she doesn't swing that thing and walk in her sleep, otherwise Shadow might have to pull some more all nighters.

**AGodofIrony**: Well, hope this didn't make you wait too long. 

**JaydiTheLaydi**: Well I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint…

**EmperorJaden:** ::Looking slightly singed after being flash-fried by lightning, exhales puff of black smoke:: And now you know why we don't play with electricity. ::faints:: 

**Private Somebody:** I was actually waiting for someone to comment on the ramen thing, so thanks for that. And thanks again for the compliment about Shadow being believable, that's pretty interesting considering this story started out as an attempt to put him in one UNbelievable situation after another. Hope you like this chapter.

**JudasFM:** Sorry for how long this took to update, hope you enjoy this chapter too. 

Disclaimer: See the first chapter.

Author's Note: Please forgive me if this sounds like a rant against shopping or malls, it is not intended to be. Also, sorry this one is so late. In all actuality this chapter has been about 95 complete for more than four months, but it is surprisingly hard to find a reason for Shadow to leave Amy behind. As it is, the ending here may seem a bit slipshod, but hopefully I can do better later.

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_#Who the devil could that be at this hour,#_ Amy grumbled in her mind as she struggled out of her bed to answer the knock at her apartment door. It was six in the morning and the female hedgehog was not used to getting up before the sun, a fact evidenced as she drew out her Piko-Piko hammer. Quickly she looked through the peephole, saw three large finlike quills and an immediate sense of giddiness filled her.

_#It's Sonic, he's finally come to admit his true feelings for me!#_ The pink hedgehog almost did a happy dance as she envisioned the Hero of Earth kneeling before her, a huge ring with a chaos emerald in his hands as he spoke of how happy their life would be if she would only consent to forgive him his past foolishness and be his forever. Of course the only thing wrong with the picture was that Amy could still see herself with her quills in rollers and a robe on. Trust Sonic to be too impatient in his love to wait until a normal hour to propose to her when she looked her best. Still he could be forgiven. Putting away her hammer, Amy opened the door, a huge grin on her face.

"Oh I knew this day would come when you would come into my life. I've been dreaming of it for so…" On the other side of the door stood, not Amy's blue beau, but the stoic form of Shadow the Hedgehog. "Oh, it's just you," Amy said, her voice resounding with disappointment.

"Well it's nice to see you too, maybe I should knock again to re-experience your warm sense of hospitality," Shadow said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Sorry, I thought you were someone else," Amy said as she turned and went back inside the apartment leaving the door open. Shadow, taking this as an invitation to enter, followed, closing the door behind him.

"Let me guess; is this person cobalt blue with a mouth faster than his feet?" Suddenly, Amy whirled back on Shadow.

"Look if you're here to kidnap me for Eggman or something, do you mind if we take a rain check. I've got a very busy day tomorrow and I really don't have the time to put my life on hold for his next great 'Take over the World' scheme."

"I'm not here to kidnap you; I'm here because I have a problem." So saying, Shadow recounted what had happened to him about Ark, as well as his adventures with Sonic, Knuckles, and Rouge. Amy listened to his story silently until he finished.

"That's awful, and now you've got no place to go?"

"No, so I was hoping…"

"That I'd let you crash with me, at least till you got on your feet?" Shadow nodded and Amy closed her eyes to think. "Okay, you can stay, but you gotta help with some of the work around here."

"No problem."

"That couch folds out into a bed. Sonic sleeps there when he stays over so I know it can handle a hedgehog. I'm going back to bed so don't wake me up until around ten, okay?"

"Fine, I just have one question."

"And that is?"

"Do you usually invite kidnappers into your home like they were houseguests?"

"Would closing the door have really stopped you from coming in?"

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"Get a move on Shadow," Amy said as she charged headlong into the mob of people. Behind her, weighed down by about twelve boxes, Shadow bit his tongue to stave of the angry curses he wanted to throw at her. Amy's busy day had turned out to be participating in a massive shopping spree. The local mall had been planning to have a "20 Off Everything" sale, but due to some poor communication, the advertisements had all said "80 off." Though the managers and suppliers had tried to correct the mistake, the damage had been done and now the shopping center was expected to follow through with its promise. The downside of this was that the sale had become limited to a two day only event, which meant that the place was now packed with every man, woman, and furry in the city trying desperately to obtain this or that item at a phenomenally low price. Having no money, Shadow was supremely disinterested in taking part in all of the "fun," but Amy was another story entirely.

As Sonic took to fighting Robotnik, as Tails took to mechanics, as Rouge took to gemstones, so too did Amy possess an indelible love of shopping, an activity she approached as a general would a war. And as with any general, she used every resource at her disposal to obtain victory, and Shadow was most definitely a powerful resource. All day long he had found himself having to use his Chaos Control teleportation techniques to move himself and Amy from one hotspot to another and then to the front of the checkout line, much to the anger of the other shoppers. All this occurred while Shadow's arms were filled with whatever it was Amy had purchased (he had lost track of all the items' names). When his arms became too full, Shadow teleported back to the apartment to deposit the new purchases next to the old. Thus had Shadow the Hedgehog, the Ultimate Life Form, been transformed into the world's most useful shopping cart. Idly he wondered if it would be rude to just Chaos Control himself to the other side of the planet and away from this little pink maniac.

"It's just not fair, Mavis, that little pink hedgehog being able to get herself to the cashiers like that." Shadow's ears perked up as he picked up the conversation.

"I know Betty, the mall really should have provided more of those robot hedgehogs for everyone to keep it fair.

"I'M NOT A ROBOT!" Shadow screamed at them as he trundled past.

"Oh! They have the new Amanda Lancer CDs in. Shadow, get me right next to the display."

"You know Amy… Chaos Control… this is not exactly what I thought you meant when you said you had a busy day today."

"Oh lighten up Shadow… THAT'S MINE YOU CREEP," Amy brought her hammer down on the hand of a teen unfortunate enough to be reaching for the CD Amy had been looking at, "you need to learn to have a little fun." Casually she tossed the aforementioned CD into the small basket that hung from her arm.

"I could have found fun like this by going and picking a fight with the remainder of the Black Arms," Shadow snipped. Suddenly he found himself being prodded from behind by what felt like a stick.

"Move it or loose it sonny," an elderly man huffed at him, striking the hedgehog's backside again with his cane. "I ain't got time to be wasting staring at you all day."

"Look gramps, don't think just because you're old I won't… YEOUCH!" Shadow never had a chance to finish his sentence as the elderly man's cane sharply collided with his shin. Immediately the black hedgehog dropped the packages he was holding and grabbed his injured leg, his eyes gazing upon his attacker with what amounted to a death glare as he envisioned sending the geezer through a wall. Heedless of the daggers that were being stared at him, the old man went on his way.

"Shadow, what happened?" Amy asked as she finally noticed the state of her friend.

"What happened? I was attacked! And when I get my hands on that ugly old fogy who hit me, he's gonna need a lot more than a cane to get around!" Immediately Shadow regretted saying this. It was something Knuckles or Sonic would have said. But still, there was just something about this horrible, chaotic place that was driving Shadow to the edge of his sanity. Whatever it was, Amy seemed to pick up on it too as she put her hands on her hips and spoke.

"Look if you need a break, fine. Teleport my stuff home and then meet me in the food court. I'll even buy you a bowl of those awful noodles you like so much, how does that sound?" At the prospect of ramen Shadow's ears perked up. A nice warm bowl of noodles would certainly go a long ways to calming his nerves, and it would certainly help to be able to get out of this nuthouse, even for a few moments. Quickly he gathered up the bags and boxes he'd dropped (soundly bopping someone on the head who had tried to make off with one of them) and, in a flash of light, he was gone.

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Shadow tapped his foot impatiently as he looked at the Noodle Hut, its line getting longer as five more people joined it. He'd teleported straight to the mall's food court and waited for Amy, all the while keeping an eye on the soup that was being ladled out to others not himself. In truth he had only been waiting for five minutes, but really, how long did it take to buy one CD and then get to the food court? Tired of waiting, the Ultimate Life Form began to search for his newest life tutor, fully intending to give her a piece of his mind. He hadn't gone more than a few feet before the sound of crying reached his ears. No, not crying, it was more like wailing, and the pitch and tone marked the sound to be coming from a child, probably a young one. Realistically Shadow knew the chances were fairly good the child was only screaming because a) it was hungry, b) it had gotten a "boo-boo," or c) Mommy wasn't going to by it the new favorite toy it so desperately needed to feel complete. Still, something within him made him travel in the direction of the noise. Perhaps it was pity, perhaps it was a sense of kindred, or perhaps it was just that growing up with Maria as a model for his behavior had made him too nice.

As he walked, Shadow noticed how the other mall patrons seemed to be moving faster and faster AWAY from the source of the noise. It always amazed Shadow how adults who called themselves "good" and "friendly" would turn the coldest shoulder of all to anyone who needed their help during what they had so righteously designated their "me" time. Chaos forbid that any unpleasantness should interrupt them in their search for knickknacks. Shadow soon reached the source of the crying and was quite surprised at what he saw. There knelt Amy hugging a screaming bear cub who was busy streaming tears onto Amy's blouse. Something told Shadow he wasn't going to be eating ramen any time soon.

"There there, it's all right. Big Sister Amy is here and she's gonna make everything all right," Amy cooed at the cub as she held him close.

"Mo… mo… Mommy!" the cub continued to wail.

"Amy what's going on?"

"Oh Shadow, I'm so glad you're here. I left the music store and found this poor little guy standing outside looking scared. When I asked if there was anything wrong, he just started bawling and wailing for his Mom. I think he got separated from her in all the chaos of the sale."

"I wouldn't be surprised," Shadow said in what may have been a harsher tone than he intended. He certainly wasn't unsympathetic. He had once gotten lost on Ark and, while he hadn't shed a single tear or screamed, he had been somewhat afraid he wouldn't be able to find Gerald or Maria. (To be fair, this was only a week after the whole airlock incident and he wasn't too inclined to open strange doors at the time.)

"We have to find his Mom," Amy said with resolute firmness as she lifted the still whimpering cub from the ground.

"And how exactly do you intend to do that? I've never seen this cub's mother and I'm sure you haven't either."

"So we'll talk to mall security. I'm sure they'll be happy to help." So saying Amy began to walk off, Shadow in tow. The crowds seemed to part for them as Amy made her way to the security kiosk, proving that a walking pincushion on a mission got priority over shopping any day of the week. Finally they arrived at the kiosk wherein sat a skinny male crane with a phone on his ear.

"Excuse me sir, this is… What is your name sweetie?" Amy asked the bear.

"Br… Br… Brewster."

"Ah, Brewster, that's a real nice name," Amy said as she gave him a little tickle under the chin. "Anyway this is Brewster and he seems to have misplaced his parents and we were hoping you could help us find them." Shadow stared incredulously at the crane as, instead of listening to Amy's story, he continued to TALK ON THE PHONE. A loud rapping sound came as Amy banged her hand on the desktop, finally attracting the guard's attention.

"I'm sorry sir, I guess you must not have noticed us," Amy said in as polite a tone she could muster. "I have a lost child here and I need your help finding his parents."

"Look girlie, you're going to have to be patient, I got more than enough on my plate as it is," the crane answered as he went back to his phone conversation.

"This kid is lost and you're not going to help us?" Shadow asked venomously, his anger rising as he did so.

"It's like I told your girlfriend here, the mall cut back on people today to cut losses and half my guys who WERE scheduled didn't show up. Now if you want you can wait here until the mall closes. If this kid's parents have noticed he's missing they'll undoubtedly stick around. Then it'll be a lot easier to find them."

"I'm not his girlfriend I'm Sonic's girlfriend," Amy said angrily. "And I'll have you know that this mall doesn't close for another six hours. How would you feel if you child was missing for SIX hours."

"I do not have any children and, from the looks of this predicament, I am very glad. Now, if you'll excuse me." So saying the crane turned around and placed a finger in his ear as he continued his phone conversation. Silently Shadow cracked his knuckles as he prepared to give this security guard the same treatment he'd given Black Doom, when he suddenly found himself holding Brewster. The reason for this became apparent as the phone and much of the kiosk's desk were crushed by the power of Amy's largest Piko-Piko hammer. His eyes wide, the crane turned back around to face the deadly serious face of Amy Rose.

"Now that I have you complete and undivided attention, let's just retry our little conversation one more time, shall we? When I say 'Sir, I need your help finding this little boy's mother,' you say 'Yes miss, I'll do everything I can to help this darling little boy. Here have a lollipop.' Then you turn around and get in touch with all your buddies to find her, got it?!" Stiffly the crane nodded but did not move much else. "WELL?!" This was enough to get the bird in motion as he grabbed his walkie-talkie.

"J-J-Joe, you there? Pick up, pick up. We've got a small emergency," Amy brandished her hammer at this, "big… BIG emergency over here at kiosk three. I need you to get all the boys working on finding a lost mother, a Mrs… Mrs… What's the kid's last name?"

"Bruin," Brewster said, no longer sobbing now that his problems were actively being solved.

"Mrs. Bruin. I know you're busy Joe but I have a situation here. Well call her over the PA system if you have to. No I can't do it, my phone…" Amy brandished her hammer, "is malfunctioning. Yeah crummy technology, I know. Look if you could just get that message out over the PA. And have some of the guys start looking around for a distraught female bear. Yeah I know we're short handed here Joe, I work for the same outfit you do, but this is VERY important. Okay, okay, fine." A few seconds later, an announcement came over the PA system, calling for a Mrs. Bruin to come to Security Desk Three for her son. "There, you see, everything's taken care of," the crane said.

"Excellent, now what about that lollipop?"

"Lollipop?" The crane scratched his head before remembering what Amy had said for him in his part of their conversation. "Uh, the truth is, we don't really have any lollipops here so…" Amy, Shadow, and Brewster all favored the guard with a death glare and, in an instant; the bird had left his station, presumably to hit up the nearest candy store for lollipops.

It was about a half hour later that Shadow noticed a rather large Kodiak bear wearing a purple dress roughly shoving her way through the crowd, making a beeline for the desk.

"Mommy!" Brewster cried happily as he reached up to his mother.

"Oh my precious, precious little baby," Mrs. Bruin said in reply as her massive arms swept wide to scoop up her cub from Shadow's arms. "Oh don't you ever, ever leave Mommy's side again, I was so worried about you I was ready to tear up the entire mall."

"I'm sorry, Mommy, I was listening to the music at the store and then I couldn't find you."

"Oh I suppose it's my fault too, I should never have left without making sure you were with me." Suddenly the woman looked down to finally notice Shadow and she smiled. "And you must be the helpful little hedgehog who found my son for me. Oh I can't thank you enough, I really can't."

"Actually," Shadow stated, "Amy found him, I'm just a friend who tagged along for the day." The smile beamed over to Amy as well.

"Well then I guess I have two hedgehogs to thank. Oh if only there were more people like you in the world."

"It was nothing really. We just did what any good people would do," Amy said as Mrs. Bruin kissed both her and Shadow on the foreheads.

"Nonsense, I insist you accept something as a token of my gratitude." Suddenly, Amy's stomach rumbled. "Oh you poor dears, have you eaten anything today."

"We were actually getting ready to take a lunch break before my friend found your son," Shadow stated, emphasizing that it was Amy who found him, just incase the large sow decided to kiss them again.

"Well then, that settles it. You simply must let me buy you lunch, a thank you for all your efforts on my son's behalf."

"Oh that really isn't necessary."

"But I insist and I won't take no for an answer," Mrs. Bruin said as she lifted both of the smaller animals from the ground and carried them with her arms, Brewster clinging to her hand.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"Mmmm, this is delicious," Amy said as her spoon dug into the mountainous sundae that stood before here. Shadow just stared, wondering how anyone could eat as much food as the pink hedgehog did and still maintain so small a figure. Amy had had seven slices of a large junk pizza and about two pitchers of coke and was just now starting on the "Super-Bombastic, Mega-Elastic, Supercalafantastic Sundae Supreme" she had ordered for desert. Mrs. Bruin smiled as she and Brewster finished up the large pizza they had ordered.

"I'm glad you like it sweetie," she said. Then she looked over at Shadow who had barely put a dent in the small cheese pizza he had ordered. "But dear you've barely had any of yours. Are you not feeling well?" The truth was, Shadow was sulking. When Mrs. Bruin had offered to buy lunch, he had hoped they would go to the mall's food court so that he could finally get his hands on some of the ramen noodles. Instead the matronly sow had taken them to a nearby pizzeria she knew of that she claimed served the most heavenly pizza on Earth. Shadow very much doubted that the bearess had the travel experience to back that up, and had been prepared to excuse himself when Amy had quietly pointed out just how rude it would be to leave their gracious hostess after she was being so generous.

"It's okay, I'm just a slow eater I guess," Shadow said politely as he took a forced bite of his pizza. "Sorry, if I'm keeping you."

"Oh no, not at all, dear," Mrs. Bruin said as she took a napkin and began to wipe Brewster's sauce covered muzzle. Shadow bit his lip as he felt a sharp kick to his knee from Amy as reproach. Finally, lunch was finished and Amy and Shadow bid a good-bye to Mrs. Bruin and her son as they separated to continue their respective days.

"It's so nice when a story has a happy ending," Amy said.

"I don't see what was so happy about it, I never did get my ramen noodles," Shadow retorted.

"You know, Sonic doesn't focus so much on the negative like that," Amy said as they entered her building.

"Well guess what; unless I turn blue at some point in the next few seconds, I'm not Sonic." The two hedgehogs entered the apartment, carefully sidestepping the boxes and boxes of new items Amy had purchased from the mall. "Geeze, do you think you got enough stuff here?"

"I won't know until I go back tomorrow," Amy said nonchalantly. Immediately Shadow's spine went ridged.

"Why the devil would you want to go back to that place after all the trouble we went through today?"

"Because I'm not done yet."

"You're crazy. I'd never go to that madhouse if I had a choice."

"Well if you want you can stay home tomorrow. You could clean and sort everything we got today. With your powers it shouldn't be any problem whatsoever. That way this place will be all nice and neat for my new stuff when I bring it back."

"I don't know if you've noticed this or not, but my title is 'The Ultimate Life Form,' not 'The Ultimate House Maid.'" Amy stared at the black hedgehog with a bemused smile on her face.

"Okay, okay if you don't want to go shopping and you don't want to clean, tell me exactly what it is you were planning on doing?" This time it was Shadow's turn to give Amy a look, albeit a blank one.

"I… don't know," Shadow finally confessed.

"So what's the problem?"

"I DON'T clean."

"Sonic would…"

"Do I look like Sonic, Amy, do I?" So saying Shadow flopped down on the couch, finished with the argument.

"Fine, do whatever it is you want I'm going to bed," Amy said in a somewhat dreamy trance, as though something unexpected had crossed her mind.

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The next morning found Shadow watching the news as Amy prepared for the second part of Shoppapalooza, as it was being dubbed by the media. Admittedly he was feeling just a little guilty about loosing his temper with Amy, Shadow was considering cleaning up the apartment. After all, it was only by her charity that he had a roof over his head right now. Even as he thought this, Amy came out of her bedroom, adjusting the headband on her head.

"Shadow, I've been thinking. You just got here and immediately I put you to work. I mean you deserve some time to get settled and adjust to life here. So why don't you just take it easy and after I get done shopping, I'll take you out to a nice restaurant to celebrate, okay?"

Caught off guard by this sudden niceness, Shadow could only put out a stuttering in "Yeah… sure… why not." Amy walked past him to leave, when suddenly her nose wrinkled.

"Ugh, when's the last time you had a bath?" she asked as the hedgehog's unpleasant body odor hit her nose.

"The last one was aboard Ark," he stated nonchalantly, not really caring who heard it. "I've been on the road so much since then I guess I just forgot about it."

"Yeah well if you expect to go out tonight, I suggest you go to the bathroom and try to scrub as much of that foul smelling grime off of you as you can," Amy said, tossing him a plastic bottle. "I got you some shampoo of your own to use. I figured you wouldn't want to walk around smelling of lavender."

"Uh… No I wouldn't," Shadow said as he caught the bottle.

"I thought not. Have a nice day and I'll see you when I get back." And with that, Amy left.

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Much to her own chagrin, Amy discovered that there was relatively little left in the mall at present that she wanted. Most of the good stuff she and Shadow had carted away the day before or had been swallowed up but by the throngs of people who had forced the mall to remain open through the night. So, the female hedgehog had settled for getting herself a treat at the ice cream parlor. She took a lick of her ice cream cone as she inserted her key into the lock of her apartment's door, a smile on her face as she entered.

"WHAT THE & WAS IN THAT SHAMPOO!?" Shadow screamed at her as he stood dripping in the bathroom doorway with a towel wrapped around his waist. While half of his body remained coated in black, red, and white quills, those quills on the other half of his body had turned a solid cobalt blue color that was distinctly similar to another hedgehog's coloring.

"What's the problem?"

"YOU TURNED ME BLUE!" Shadow continued to shout. Suddenly, a loud rapping could be heard on the ceiling as the upstairs occupants voiced their displeasure over the noise level. Immediately Shadow jumped up and struck the ceiling. "OH SHUT UP YOU OLD FOSSILS!"

"Shadow, you need to calm down."

"I'm BLUE! Why am I BLUE?"

"Well you said you were trying to blend in, and a black and red hedgehog is going to stand out a lot."

"And a blue one won't?"

"Blue is a MUCH better color for boy hedgehog's than red and black. It inspires trust. Your old colors make you look so… unsociable."

"I AM unsociable," Shadow barked. "I am an unsociable hedgehog, and I like advertising that fact, it keeps idiots away from me."

"You didn't seem so unsociable with Brewster and his mom yesterday," Amy said matter-of-factly as she walked into the kitchen to begin dinner.

"So because I'm not some heartless shopper, I'm automatically 'Mr. Nice Guy?'"

"What do you mean 'heartless shopper?'" Amy said, latching onto what she now perceived as an insult. Shadow, however, was still blue and unwilling to allow the female hedgehog to feel slighted.

"I mean the type of person whose vapid obsession makes her blind to how anyone else might take something so insulting a change in fur color the wrong way."

"Listen buddy, I was just trying to help. If you don't like the suggestion I made, you are welcome to leave."

"Yeah, well maybe I should before you start calling me Sonic!" At Shadow's statement, Amy looked aghast. "Oh don't give me that look; it wouldn't be the first time you mistook me for him."

"I make one mistake thanks to bad lighting…"

"We were out in the sun in the middle of the day!"

"…and no one lets me forget about it," Amy continued as though Shadow had said nothing.

"Well maybe if you people would stop making that mistake, I'd stop reminding you of it," Shadow yelled! "My name is Shadow, not Mr. Spectre, not Sonic, not 'Hey you fuzzball,' and I really would appreciate it if you people would stop trying to compare me to everyone else, ESPECIALLY HIM!!!" Sonic (Oops! I mean) Shadow stomped over to the door and with a mighty slam left.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

_What in the world? How did that happen?_

_One moment, Amy and I seem to be getting on fine, the next, I'm yelling at her and leaving. _

_Well, obviously that was a bust, which means now I need to find something else to do. Perhaps what I need is a job, that way I don't have to put up with weird roommates. I'm sure there's someplace, somewhere in this city that could use a hedgehog of my talents._

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Yes I know, the ending's not that good. I'll probably go back and redo it when I think of a better one.

Anyway, since the theme for the next chapter is getting the earning power of a job, I could think of no better instructors for Shadow than the only ones in the Sonic Crew who actually have a job: the Chaotix. With any luck Shadow won't hurt those nuts too badly.


	6. No fur, No problem

Relocation: Chaotix

By Asher Tye

**Maverick 1812:** To be truthful, I never even thought about using a ShadAmy reference, but then I always saw Shadow as something of a loner when it comes to romance. Glad you like the story so far, hopefully this next chapter will be just as funny.

**Dokami-San:** Always happy to get another reviewer, hope you enjoy it as we continue.

**Legend-j14: **Is this update soon enough for you? Enjoy.

**Amyrosey: **I don't know, I think had Shadow stayed with Amy indefinitely, he might have gotten into more than a few fights with her neighbors upstairs.

**Ri2:** I wanted to give Amy something more to be than just the standard Sonic obsessed fangirl, so I created the mall scene to make it very clear she had her own moral code of right and wrong. As to the Chaotix, well, read on…

**JudasFm:** Glad you liked it, hope I can provide some more funny lines in this episode.

**AGodofIrony**: Well you may want to let out those laughs this time around; otherwise you might cause yourself some internal injuries

**Private Somebody:** Ah, if only life were as simple for Shadow as Ninja + Shadow Free Ramen 

Disclaimer: See the first chapter.

Author's Note: Mr. Sandoval is a fictional creation and in no way has a connection to anyone in real life in perpetuity and throughout the universe. I profusely apologize to any Mr. Sandovals out there that are currently employed as supervisors in any fast food restaurant. Thank you.

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It is said that the world is filled with boundless opportunities waiting for an enterprising young hedgehog with the skills to recognize and exploit them. If you are intelligent and talented, you will have no trouble landing a job that is both a compliment to you skills and worthy of your expertise. These words had actually been part of the subliminal learning program Dr. Gerald Robotnik had used to give Shadow a basic foundation of knowledge before finally awakening his Ultimate Lifeform from incubation. It could be argued that this was meant to serve as encouragement for Shadow when he finally had to move amongst Earth's population and care for himself; a bit of optimistic wisdom passed from a father to his beloved son.

And yet as Shadow stood before a cash register wearing an apron and a hair net over his quills, he couldn't help but want to ring the good Doctor's scrawny neck.

"Look, it's like I said before," the black hedgehog stated in a dangerously neutral voice before exploding, "WE DON'T SERVE CHICKEN SANDWICHES HERE!!" The customer he was talking to, a greasy fat mid-lifer dressed in a gray turtleneck with puffy curly red hair, placed his hands upon his hips in anger.

"You are being incredibly rude young man," the customer said in a voice that sounded like his nose was stopped up. "I am a customer and the customer is always right. Your job is to get me, the valued customer, what I want."

"But what you want isn't even on the menu," Shadow said through clenched teeth. "If you would just… Hey you kids, stop jumping around the table! …would just pick something else, we could get it for you and then everyone can get on with their lives."

"Look you, I'll have you know I have a heart condition that's very unstable. My doctor's told me to stay away from fatty foods like burgers…"

"Stop jumping around!" Shadow interrupted, yelling at three children who were trying to use the dinning room of the fast food joint as a jungle gym.

"Excuse me, excuse me," the red headed customer said, snapping his fingers in Shadow's face. "I am talking here, kindly pay attention and maybe you wouldn't be doing your job so abysmally."

"Listen, if you have a heart condition, then I hate to tell you this but you are definitely in the wrong place for lunch."

"That's why I want a chicken sandwich…" Shadow closed his eyes as he held the bridge of his nose to stem the tide of a headache that was quickly developing.

"Then go next door; they specialize in chicken sandwiches, that's all they sell!"

"And their prices are outrageous! I will not be bullied into paying higher prices simply because you are too lazy to make a healthier sandwich."

"One: chicken sandwiches, particularly those made with FRIED chicken like you want, are just as fatty, if not fattier, than a burger. Two: as I keep on telling you, this place does not sell chicken so there is no price for it. And three, and most importantly: WE DON'T EVEN HAVE ANY CHICKEN HERE TO BEGIN WITH!!! AND IF YOU BRATS DON'T STOP JUMPING AROUND LIKE THAT, I'LL KICK YOU OUT OF HERE MYSELF!!!"

"HEY!" A woman in a gray power suit yelled, stalking up to Shadow in an angry huff. "Those are my kids, I am their mother, and I am the only one entitled to discipline them, do you hear me? You are not their parent so you don't have any right to yell at them."

"Ma'am, they are breaking the rules…"

"Then you tell me, YOU do not yell at them." Shadow was starting to see red, but desperately he tried to keep his voice even.

"At the time, ma'am, I didn't know you were even here. Beyond that, maybe it would help if you kept them a bit more under control."

"How dare you talk to me like that. I want to see a manager this instant."

"Me too," chimed in the red haired customer. As luck would have it, Shadow's supervisor, having spent the entire lunch hour rush in the back doing who knew what, chose that moment to put in an appearance.

"Is there a problem here," Mr. Sandoval asked? Shadow opened his mouth to speak only to find himself flatly ignored by his supervisor in favor of the two irate customers.

"This… this troglodyte you have working your register has gone out of his way to insult me," the woman claimed.

"And he is refusing point blank to take my order," the red-head added.

"Mr. Hedgehog," Shadow had wisely decided to withhold his real family name when applying for the job, "need I remind you that customers are the lifeblood of our business? How can you expect us to remain profitable if you are busy choking that blood off."

"Mr. Sandoval, I can explain. I wasn't trying to…"

"Your explanations are irrelevant. Do you realize how much money and time you've cost the company by failing to treat these customers in a friendly and respectful manner? Look, I'll take care of this mess; you go help Rick take care of the floors." That said, Sandoval turned his back to Shadow and began to converse politely, not with the two customers Shadow had been arguing with, both of whom had left after venting themselves, but with a new customer. Angrily, Shadow grabbed the mop and bucket and moved onto the dining floor. All around him the floor was inundated with discarded ketchup packets, spilled drinks, lost French fries, and the like, enough to make even the Ultimate Lifeform cringe in disgust. And, over in a booth hidden in the corner, Shadow saw the legs of the aforementioned human Rick as he slept soundly. More than a little put out by this behavior, the black and red hedgehog stomped over to the slumbering human, roughly shaking him awake.

"Nyah, wha… Specter? What are you doing, man?"

"No, the question is 'What are YOU doing?' You're supposed to be mopping the floor you twit; now Sandoval wants me to do it."

"So do, leave me alone. I'm busy."

"No you're not, you're sleeping." At this point, Rick sat up in the booth.

"Shut up, you stupid rat, you wanna get us in trouble?"

"US!? How are WE going to get into trouble when YOU are the one who is…"

"Is there a problem here," Mr. Sandoval asked as he walked up to find out what the commotion was?

"I'll say there is, I was leaning over trying to get some of the muck out from under this table, and suddenly Specter here comes and starts yelling at me."

"My name is not Specter, it's Shadow, S-H-A-D-O-W, SHADOW."

"Mr. Hedgehog, may I remind you there are people here trying to eat, and you are ruining their dining experience. Now why did you feel the need to yell at Mr. Smith here?" Shadow closed his eyes and gathered his thoughts.

"He was sleeping on the job, as in not working when he was supposed to, as in I'm doing MY job and HIS job so he can keep a paycheck."

"Something you will not have if you continue to cause problems. Mr. Smith here claims he was simply cleaning out the bottom of the table. If he were sleeping, why didn't you come and get me and tell me about it?"

"It didn't occur to me that I might need the Manager to get him working again." Sandoval let out an exasperated sigh.

"A business is like a body… Shadow. There are the fingers, the arms, and managing it all is the brain. When the fingers start acting on their own however, instead of working together with coordination from the brain, the whole body begins to suffer." For a few brief moments Shadow looked at the human with a look of utter confusion on his face.

"Are you actually trying to demean me into being a good boy," he finally asked? "You do understand that in a body, the brain has pretty much total control over the fingers, right. There is no secondary impulse that allows the fingers to disregard the brain's commands for a better course of action. Here though, you've got several creatures with brains, and you're just casually telling them to shut them off?" Sandoval's face became somewhat pinched with anger.

"The bottom line, this is your second strike. One more and you're out." With that, the manager turned on his heel and left.

"Great, he's switched from biology to baseball," muttered Shadow as he restarted his mopping.

"Hey mister," a high pitched voice said from behind him. Pointedly Shadow ignored it; he had no time for another annoyance. The owner of the voice, however, was not about to give up so easily. "Hey mister! Mister, Mister, Mister! Mister with the quills and the mo-o-op!"

"What?! What, what, what, what!?" Shadow screamed, whirling around to face this annoying kid. Suddenly, he found himself confronted by a smiling bee that looked oddly familiar to him.

"Well whaddaya know, da kid was right, it is Shadow," came another voice, this one gruffer, but no less familiar. Shadow looked up to see a large crocodile and a purple chameleon sitting at one of the tables.

"I suppose he has to be at some point in his life," the chameleon sarcastically remarked before turning to Shadow. "So what are you doing here?" Not to be outdone by the chameleon in terms of sarcasm, Shadow held up the mop with an annoyed expression on his face.

"So you work here do ya?" the bee began. "Why? I mean I suppose everyone needs a job. We're detectives; that's our job, but I thought you were living on Ark for GUN. Or didja get bored and come down here to see us again? Or are those black aliens coming back to attack? Or are you here to…"

"That's enough Charmy," the crocodile said as his hands clamped down on the bee's lips. Suddenly, a light of recognition came to Shadow's eyes.

"Now I remember you, you're the Chaotix. Vector, Espio, and Charmy, right?" Shadow asked, pointing to each member in turn.

"Correct, though I must admit, I find it somewhat odd to find you here myself," Espio said in his characteristically neutral voice.

"What happened? Ya get booted outta Ark or something," Vector asked as a large sweatdrop appeared on the back of Shadow's head. Maybe there really was something to the Chaotix's powers of observation.

So as not to be bothered any more by an overly curious bee-boy, the black hedgehog decided to give out the watered down version of how he'd come to wear a paper hat and a hair net.

"Well dat seems like a huge waste," Vector said after listening.

"I thought so too, but apparently saving the world doesn't make up for the fact that I don't even have a diploma to my name. These losers are the only ones who would hire me."

"Shucks, I'll hire you," the crocodile stated.

"And just how do you intend to do that, Vector, we barely have enough to buy lunch, much less pay Shadow a salary he could live off of."

"Well gee, don't make us sound desperate or anything, Espio," Vector said sarcastically. "But think of all the money and new clients he'd bring in. Business will skyrocket once they find out we got an honest to goodness super-being backing up our team." At this point, dollar signs appeared in Vector's crocodile eyes as he envisioned the four of them swimming in money.

"Or it could run away screaming when it finds out our newest addition has a penchant for obliterating whole sections of the city at the drop of a hat," Espio countered with his typical cynicism. Vector's response to this was to strike Espio on the head, knocking the poor chameleon down.

"So, whaddya say Shadow? Care to ditch the fast paced world of fast food and join us as a detective? We may not have much but I can promise you'll have a roof over your…" Before Vector had even finished his pitch, Shadow was ripping the net from his head and sending his wet and dirty mop flying like a spear to hit Rick, who had fallen back to sleep in the booth, square in the face.

"Let's go," Shadow answered, taking the lead as the quartet left the restaurant. Once outside, however, Shadow stopped in his tracks, a thought crossing his mind. "Wait for me a moment, okay?" The black hedgehog turned on his heel and walked back into his former place of employment.

"Whaddya think he's doing?" Charmy asked his two older friends, both of whom could only shrug their shoulders.

"I QUIT!!!!" Came the roar of Shadow's voice from inside the burger joint, a sound that was quickly followed by a different roar as a Chaos Blast ripped the eatery's insides to pieces. A large sweatdrop formed on the back of each member of the Chaotix's heads.

"Oh, this is going to be fun," Espio commented.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"Welcome to your new home," Vector said as he opened the door to the Chaotix's office with one hand while placing the other on Shadow's shoulder. The black hedgehog had great difficulty trying to determine whether this was a friendly gesture on the part of the giant reptile, or an attempt to keep Shadow from bolting the moment he saw his "new home."

Dump seemed an appropriate word to describe the place the three detectives had taken him to. The walls were peppered with sharp, slit holes, the origin of which turned out to be Espio, who used the walls for target practice with his kunai knives. Vector apparently liked to try his hand at being an electrician as a ceiling fan currently was lying on a table along with a TV which looked like it hadn't so much been dismantled as dismembered. For Charmy's part, the young bee seemed to have an affinity for growing plants; lots and lots of plants. The problem was no one seemed to have clued the little bee into the fact that plants needed to be in pots rather than in large piles of dirt scattered about the floor. Still, he seemed to be fairly good, all the plants were flowering at the moment. Discarded pizza boxes, burger wrappers, and other assorted, semi-empty food containers completed the décor of the room.

"Well, let me take you on the grand tour," Vector said as he ushered his new employee inside, Espio closing the door behind them. "This is the reception area/living room. Over there is the kitchen/dining room. That door leads to a closet I think we stuffed some extra files into. That door there leads to Espio's room; I wouldn't go in there if I were you. That's my room, and that walk-in closet over there serves as Charmy's room since he's so puny."

"Hey!" came an indignant squawk from the offended bee, causing Vector to chuckle.

"The sofa over there's a fold out, just in case a client needs a place to crash for a day or so. Sorry we can't give you a more private room, but once the money starts rolling in good enough, we can upgrade. Heck, if business gets good enough, maybe we can move into Ark with you," the crocodile said in a cheery voice, oblivious to the somewhat disturbed expression on the hedgehog's face. The thought of ANY of these messy creatures doing to his space station what they'd done to this place sent a shiver up his spine. Mentally Shadow made a note to break away from them before that little scenario could even attempt to play itself out. "Oh yeah, before I forget, this door here is the bathroom. But I gotta warn you, the plumbing in this place is just a little bad. You may have to turn the water on and off a few times before you get actual clear water." Never before had Shadow wanted so desperately to just go home. Sadly, pathetically, miserably, for the time being, this place was his home. It was almost enough to make the black hedgehog cry.

"Hey, if you want, you can watch some TV with me Shadow," Charmy offered, perhaps sensing his new roommate's distress.

"And if you're hungry, I think we still have some pizza left over from that deep dish we had three days ago," Vector added, a toothy smile on his face. At the mention of food, a thought suddenly crossed Shadow's mind that made him feel somewhat better.

"Actually, I'd rather have ra…" Suddenly, two pairs of hands clamped down on his mouth as both Charmy and Vector began shaking their heads violently at him. Across the room, Shadow could see that Espio was standing completely still, a funny twitch in his eye as his head jerkily turned to look at the trio.

"Wha… what d-d-did he s-s-s-s-say?" the chameleon asked through gritted teeth.

"Ah, nothing Espy, nothing at all," Charmy said.

"Guy just wanted to get some… some… REST! That's it, he wanted some rest," Vector chimed in. "You know how it is, long day, moving into a new place, it can wear a guy out. Charmy, how 'bout you go get the spare bed sheets so Shadow can make up the couch huh?"

"Sure that's a great idea," Charmy said in a voice that sounded overly cheery, even for him. "Hey Espio, mind helping me?" Not waiting for a response, the small bee grabbed his purple friend's hand and hurriedly led him into another room. Once they were gone, Vector rounded on Shadow, a look of deadly seriousness on his face.

"Okay, the big, big, BIG rule in this place is this; we never EVER mention ramen noodles in the presence of Espio." Shadow looked at the croc, an unfamiliar confusion in his eyes.

"He's a ninja, right? Shouldn't he love ramen noodles?"

"His sensei loved them. That's all they had while Espio was training with the guy. Ramen, ramen, ramen, morning, noon, and night, for years. Nonstop. This had made him become understandably unstable when the subject is mentioned, which is also why we don't eat a lot of Japanese food." In truth, Shadow didn't understand it. He'd be quite happy to have ramen noodles served to him for every meal for the rest of his life.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

As things turned out, Shadow's presence amongst the Chaotix did have an effect on their business, though not quite the one Vector had predicted. Since the detective agency did not possess the necessary funds to advertise themselves very well, the crocodile had come up with another idea; set-up a scenario to showcase Shadow's, and by extension the Chaotix's, abilities. And, since setting up one's own scenario meant you got time to prepare accordingly, this was the reason Shadow now found himself standing in a tree in the park wearing a collar and cape, he was fairly sure had belonged to Dracula at one point, and his quills covered in sparkly glitter (Charmy's idea). As ridiculous as he felt, the black hedgehog had to wonder how Espio, who was currently wearing a yellow dress, lipstick, and carrying a big purse on a thin string.

_&Homicidal maybe?&_ In the bushes nearby Vector crouched with a black mask on his face, ready to "steal" the chameleon's purse, an act which would prompt the "heroic" intervention of Shadow, who would apprehend the criminal. Once Charmy and Shadow had taken the "purse-snatcher" safely into Chaotix custody Espio, who would have taken the time to discard his disguise, would answer any and all questions on behalf of the Chaotix and its new member. Originally Vector had wanted to do this job, but it had been unanimously decided that if two so similar looking crocodiles appeared, people would doubt the authenticity of their little scheme; such as it was. Espio had argued that as the most maneuverable of the group, he should be the purse-snatcher, thus freeing Vector up to do interviews. Again it had been unanimously decided that a more obviously threatening opponent was preferable to one with hidden dangers. Charmy had wanted a bigger job in the plan, maybe as Shadow's sidekick, or even Vector's, but it was unanimously agreed that the less Charmy had to distract him, the easier the plan would be to execute. At this point, Shadow had voiced his desire to leave this den of insanity. As he stood on the tree branch wearing his cape, the Ultimate Lifeform reflected sourly on the shortcomings of democracy.

Ultra-sensitive ears twitched slightly as Shadow heard the distinctive sound of Espio moving towards him, trying to be as conspicuous as possible as he did so. This was a novelty for the chameleon, who found that he actually had to concentrate to become noticeable and unstealthy the way normal people had to concentrate on being quiet. Watching for his cue, Shadow crouched on his branch, ready to leap down and tackle his new boss.

_&If only this were Sandoval instead,&_ Shadow thought maliciously.

It should have been an easy plan to pull off. Vector snatches the purse, Shadow snatches Vector, and the detective agency gets a load of free publicity showcasing its new member. As far as plans went, it was simple yet devious enough to make Eggman proud. As it turned out, that should have been the first clue to the black hedgehog that something was going to go wrong.

As Espio came into view, a figure did emerge from the bushes, though not the bushes Vector had been concealing himself in. A brown tabby cat wearing domino face mask and checkered cap leapt from the bushes and charged at Espio. Since the chameleon was expecting it, he made no move to prevent the cat from snatching his purse. What he wasn't expecting, however, was for his attacker to strike him hard enough to send him flailing to the ground. Thinking Vector had decided to improvise, Espio reacted without thinking, grabbing the nearest rock in hand and hurling it full force at where he knew the crocodile's head would be. Unfortunately, the cat turned out to be much shorter than the crocodile. Sent by ninja strength and accuracy, the rock sailed through the air directly towards the tree Shadow was currently hiding him. Not expecting to be attacked (Shadow was really only devoting about five percent of his attention to this inane plan), Shadow was knocked off his balance when the rock struck him in the head, and fell from his perch. Under normal circumstances, this would not have presented a problem to the super-powered hedgehog, since he could have easily righted himself in the air to grab a branch, land of his feet, or even use Chaos Control to teleport to safety. Circumstances for today, however, were anything but normal.

As Shadow fell, the cape he'd been made to wear quickly wrapped itself around his arms, effectively preventing him from using his hands and arms to grab at branches, or even his chaos emerald. Strangely enough, despite now being coated in at least two layers of fairly sturdy fabric, his poor posterior still managed to feel each and every single branch he landed on and broke on his way down. Soon, the black and red hedgehog landed, not on the nice soft ground, but on the hard green crocodile that had been hiding in the bushes below. While this might not have actually hurt Vector, it did sufficiently startle him enough to set him charging forward. Unfortunately, the rock which had only moments ago ricocheted off of Shadow's head proved to be still present, specifically at the tip of Vector's foot. Soon, both Crocodile and hedgehog were found themselves rolling head over heels a high speeds; directly at Espio. Only now just becoming aware of the trouble being caused, the chameleon had no time to avoid as he was suddenly picked up in the spiky clump of bodies and rolling right along with it.

Silently, Shadow made a pledge to kill every single cat he ever came across from then on.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"Ah, come on Shadow, don't go," Vector said a little over an hour later as Shadow attempted to storm out of the headquarters of the Chaotix Detective Agency. "This may have been a bust, but I promise, my next plan will go off without a hitch."

"Next plan? NEXT plan? There shouldn't even have been a FIRST plan," Shadow yelled back as Charmy giggled nearby. The young bee had plenty to find funny as he stared at the bandaged forms of his teammates, the end result of their little tumbling adventure being stopped by a particularly prickly patch of thorn bushes.

"Oh come on Shadow, as far as plans go that wasn't one of the worst I've had."

"He's right," Espio said. "Of all the harebrained plans he's had, that one wasn't the worst."

"Thanks Espio," the croc said, taking a few minutes to realize just what Espio had said before striking the chameleon on the head. "Look Shadow you can't just leave."

"I think you gravely underestimate my limitations Vector, particularly for someone who was only a few days ago planning on making me his meal ticket."

"But where will you go Shadow, you kinda blew up your last job," Charmy pointed out. "And I really don't think you can get it back."

"Kid's gotta point there Shadow," Vector said, seizing on an opportunity to keep the Ultimate Lifeform with them. "At least here, ya got a roof over your head and three; well two I guess now, square meals a day."

"Not interested crocodile," Shadow said with great finality as he grabbed the doorknob. Before he could turn it, however, the door swung open as a light pink female rabbit wearing an impeccably kept bluish pink dress with a bow around her neck rushed into the office.

"Vanilla?" Vector said, recognizing the harried creature.

"Vector, I need your help," the female said, panting as though she'd been running a great distance. "Cream's been kidnapped."

Don't you just hate it when they say "TO BE CONTINUED…"

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**Emperor Jaden: **Thought I forgot about you, didn't you? See this is what happens when you make threats to authors like me; we do nasty, horrible things like make CLIFFHANGERS!! Mwah-haha, Mwah-haha-hahaha!

Something I noticed as I wrote this story and searched for suitable ways to refer to the Chaotix without constantly using their names, either individual or as a group. What do you call them? I mean, Sonic, Shadow, Amy, Tails, Knuckles, Big, Sally, Rotor Antoine, and all the other anthropomorphic animals featured can be collectively or individually referred to as furries, but that doesn't really apply to a bee, a crocodile, or a chameleon. So what do you call them, scalies?

See ya next chapter for the conclusion of Shadow's Chaotix Adventure.


	7. Cream the Rabbit, Uh Hare

Relocation: Chaotix: part 2

By Asher Tye

**Maverick 1812:** If you thought the schtick with Amy was good, wait'll you see how Shadow deals with the somewhat chaotic nature of the Chaotix.

**Dokami-San:** Truthfully it tends to be Amy Rose who gets kidnapped, but she was already used, and I needed someone with a possible connection to the villain I wanna use. Enjoy the chapter.

**kj:** Don't worry, Tails is coming, I'm saving him for close to the end so I can think up some things to rub Shadow the wrong way… This is actually surprisingly hard to do.

**EmperorJaden: **::Smashes a computer monitor, activating bubble shield:: Do… your… worst…

**Ri2:** Yeah, I see Shadow getting stuffed on cookies and milk if he lives with Cream and her mother… And I see Gerald doing the twist in his grave at the pudgy pincushion his ultimate creation would become.

**JudasFm:** Is it just me, or do Espio and Shadow seem pretty close personality-wise? Oh well, hopefully I can keep them in character during this chapter too.

**AGodofIrony**: You know you're absolutely no help with this naming thing. -- Still, glad you liked the chapter. Hopefully this one will not disappoint.

**VoldemortsLemming:** Here you go 

**JaydiTheLaydi: **Well it's time for him to stop taking and start dishing it out, mwha-ha-ha ha.

**TC chan: **Glad you like it. As to his next place of residence well… you'll have to make it to the end of this chapter to find out.

AN: Sorry this took so long. Discovered the combination of Final Fantasy XII, Marvel Ultimate Alliance, Christmas, and New Years parties is really not conducive to the whole creative writing process. Hopefully now that two of these have passed, the next chapter will be quicker. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: See the first chapter.

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When Shadow had first come to live with the Chaotix, he had thought nothing could compare to the dinginess of the detective agency's headquarters. As he stood now in the interior presence of the Rat's Tail saloon, he was discovering just how wrong he was. The dirty little dive was located in what might have once been one of the more glamorous parts of Station Square. All around it, Shadow noticed empty buildings and other marks that looked as though they had once been beautiful to look at, though years of disrepair had obviously taken their toll.

The Rat's Tail appeared as if it were an attempt to recreate one of the charmingly dank dives that had sprung up when the city was still new and under construction, an attempt that had apparently failed abysmally. Ironically, the effect the bar had failed to achieve at its conception it had apparently excelled at simply by aging. Grime covered everything even, if Shadow's eyes were not being deceived by the lack of any adequate lighting, the glasses the rodent bartender was using to serve patrons. As far as the lights went, there certainly seemed to be enough sockets, but bulbs seemed to be at a premium here. And the acrid smoke that almost out did the air in terms of volume held traces of ingredients more intoxicating than nicotine. All in all, the black hedgehog was impressed with how this place had managed to stay open in clear defiance of every known health statute he could think of. Vector gripped his shoulder, whispering in his ear.

"Don't look to long at anyone, Shadow, or you're liable to start a fight," he said. Shadow quickly got the point of the statement. It wasn't to protect him from being hurt; it was to keep Vector from getting banned from this place as a source of information for starting fights. The crocodile quickly moved over to one of the few booths that had an actual light on it, albeit not a bright one. Shadow made like his namesake and followed. In the booth a scrawny looking leopard sat with a pair of sunglasses on his face, a trench-coat on his back, and a deck of cards near him as he played, and cheated at, solitaire. Vector took a seat opposite the cat while Shadow chose to remain standing, arms crossed.

"Espio, you've changed," the leopard said, not even bothering to look up from his game. Recognizing the sarcasm in his voice, Shadow chose not to dignify the quip with a response.

"This is Shadow, Chester, he's a new associate of ours," Vector clarified for the cat.

"Really? I'd heard you were working for Rouge, Mr. Shadow. Did she bump you down to the minors or something?"

"Is there a problem with me being here?" Shadow asked, getting tired of being the butt of this furry's jokes.

"Nah, I just don't like it when my info turns out to be stale. Not good for business you know." Chester then turned to Vector. "So what do the Chaotix need from me, Vec, and more importantly can you pay?"

"I need information on a kidnapping." The leopard looked at the crocodile directly, lowering his sunglasses to do so. Shadow noticed that one of Chester's eyes was a milky white, denoting it was blind.

"A kidnapping? Someone actually came to you hoping you could get someone back for them? I must say, you're moving up in the world croc-boy."

"Yeah yeah, you got any information?"

"I got lots of information, but the question still on the table is can you pay me?"

"Ches, you know me, you know I'm good for it."

"I know no such thing. But I suppose I do owe you for helping me out with all that… unpleasantness with Boss Carby. We'll call this one a freebie, what do you need to know?"

"I'm looking for a girl."

"A girl? A girl as in 'Look mister, isn't my dolly just so cute' or a girl as in… well," at this point Chester's hands made the shape of an hourglass in thin air.

"Uh, the first one, though if you have anything on the second one, I might not say no." Vector pulled out a picture of Cream. "Her name's Cream, Cream Rabbit. Seven years old, disappeared from her home about three days ago."

"And her folks are just now looking for her?"

"No, her mother came to us the same day, but we've been running outta leads." It was true, the Chaotix had exhausted every possible lead they could think of trying to figure out who Cream's kidnapper was, but with no success. All they'd been able to deduce was that it wasn't a simple snatch and grab; someone had planned to take Cream.

"Where's the ransom note? Maybe I can tell who did it by the handwriting."

"That's the thing; there wasn't a ransom note, no contact, no nothing. I'm kinda worried whoever did this has plans to keep the girl permanently."

"Bet that sucks… Her father or mother have any enemies?"

"Actually, it's just the mother," Shadow piped in. "I think the father's been out of the picture for a while." Vector cast Shadow an inquisitive glance, obviously wondering where he'd learned that little tidbit. "Vanilla seemed so upset, I asked if maybe we could talk to her husband instead, and she glared at me like I'd just dumped salt into an open wound on her. I get the feeling the two parted on… less than amicable terms." Chester looked at his crocodilian friend.

"Vector, have you considered that maybe, just maybe, this was the father's little way of getting back at his wife." Chester looked back at Shadow. "Any idea of the father's name?"

"Vanilla wasn't real forthcoming with details. I think she called him 'the lowest scum of the Earth,' but beyond that I don't think I got anything."

"Well, if you can figure out who Daddy-dearest is, maybe I can ask a few choice questions and let you know if anything turns up. But this squares us croc, got it?"

"Yeah, yeah, no problem Chester, catch you on the flip side," Vector said as he turned and left, Shadow once more following him.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Back at the Rabbit house, or rather manor (Cream and Vanilla as it turned out were quite wealthy, a fact that served to very much get Espio on the missing girl's side) Espio continued his inspection of the grounds, a hovering figure following him. What made this interesting was the fact that the figure was, for once, not Charmy the bee, but instead a light blue Chao named Cheese.

_&Cream and Cheese… Chaos how I hate puns,&_ the chameleon thought as his acute eyes went over the whole living room for clues. Suddenly, the door opened as it walked Vector and Shadow.

"Any luck with Chester?"

"Not really, he hasn't heard anything on any kidnappings," Vector answered.

"Hate to say I told you so…"

"Then don't. Where's Mrs. Rabbit?"

"She was getting in the way more than this thing," Espio pointed to indicate Cheese, "So I asked if there was anyone she could stay with until the case got solved." Vector hit Espio on the head at that point.

"Idiot! We need her to tell us about the girl's father. He might be the kidnapper." Espio responded by striking Vector back.

"Well there's no need to get testy about it, it's not like she's in hiding she gave me a number to reach her at!" The two scalies started glaring at each other, growling. Shadow could almost swear he saw lighting filling the air where their two gazes met. The situation was unexpectedly resolved, however, when Charmy can bounce/flying down the stairs.

"Boy, you should see Cream's room, it's full of all sorts a neat toys and junk," the bee said as his wings beat the air to keep him aloft. Then he noticed Vector and Espio. "Vector you're back! You gotta see all the cool pictures and stuff up there, it's so neat."

"Not now Charmy," Vector growled, unwilling to lose the staring contest to Espio. Instead of taking the hint, Charmy began to wave a piece of paper in the crocodile's face. Vector snatched the paper, fully intending to tear it to shreds, when he noticed just what it was. It was a picture of a much younger Cream, Vanilla, and a black and white colored male hare Vector had never seen before, dressed in a wide brimmed hat and a pinstripe suit. Vanilla looked less than thrilled by the presence of the male, while he seemed to be trying to get his arm around her shoulders and look rakish at the same time. "This is it, this is the guy," Vector declared. Espio snatched the picture away from his "leader" to see it for himself.

"I think you may be jumping to conclusions Vector, for all we know this is just some no name she dated."

"Can you seriously see Vanilla dating this guy after having a kid AND going through a divorce," Vector asked? "No, I'm telling you, this is the dude. And if we find him, I'd lay odds we'll find Cream, we just gotta figure out who he is."

"He could be anybody," Charmy surmised. "I've never seen him before."

"He seems a bit familiar," Espio countered, "Maybe we ran into him on one of our cases." It was then that curiosity got the better of Shadow as he moved over to take a look at the picture. His eyes widened with recognition as he realized that HE had seen this character before.

"I know this clown," he stated, drawing the attention of the quarreling Chaotix. "He was on my station a few months ago, trying to take it over. I 'suggested' that he seek somewhere else to call home."

"So you know his name?" Espio asked. Shadow closed his eyes as he tried to remember the information he'd thought so insignificant at the time.

"It was something real corny… Midway… Midtown… DOWNTOWN!" Shadow's eyes shot open as he remembered the gangster's moniker. "Downtown Ebony Hare."

"I thought that creep looked familiar," Espio said. "He claims he's some sort of criminal genius, likes to pull off elaborate plans for massive profit."

"Okay," Vector said as he folded the picture and put it in a pocket. "With this I can get some more info outta Chester. Shadow, come along."

"Wait, why Shadow, why not me?" Espio asked, sensing where this was going.

"Cause Charmy needs a babysitter and I don't trust Shadow not to blow up half the block if he's forced to stay with Charmy."

"So then you stay, I'll go with Chester!" the chameleon called after them.

"Sorry Espy, can't hear you," Vector called back as the door closed behind him, signifying the croc and hedgehog had left. Flying over his friend's shoulder, Charmy smiled what he heartily believed to be his friendliest smile.

"Oh shut up," Espio countered as he sat on the couch.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

The name and picture did indeed help Chester to provide more information as to where the Chaotix would be likely to find young Cream. Much as Shadow had surmised from his first encounter with the mobster, Downtown Ebony Hare really did model himself after old movie gangster, even if he did show an often surprising knack for planning many complicated crimes. To that end, it came to no surprise to Shadow to learn that, after losing any chance of taking over Ark, Downtown Ebony Hare had taken up residence in an abandoned warehouse that had managed to survive the Black Arm's attack on Westopolis. Apparently he was involved in some sort of scam to rebuild the damaged sections of Station Square, but why was a mystery.

"Okay, according Chester, this is the bar Hare's goons like to hang out at during their down time," Vector said as the Chaotix looked at the box shaped building that looked as though it had been hastily thrown up from the surrounding rubble. "It's also the place most of the construction crew hangs out when they're not busy putting the city back together. Guess Ebony likes his dudes to keep tabs on the employees."

"Remind me again why we're here if we already know where this loser hangs out," Shadow asked? "It's not like anything could stop me if we just try busting our way in."

"Even the best ninja don't recklessly rush in without any knowledge of where they are," Espio stated. "Besides, this isn't just a snatch and grab. Our top priority is to get Cream safely out of there without her being hurt. Ebony might be her father, but his status as a criminal and the fact that he kidnapped her doesn't exactly put him at the top of the list of people she's safest with."

"So the plan is to 'ask' one of Downtown's flunkies about what he's got in the way of defenses," Vector said, slamming a fist into his palm. Quietly the Chaotix waited in the rubble, watching the bar for some sign of a gangster. They didn't have long to wait as a tall, muscular bulldog wearing a pinstripe suit stepped out of the gloom, a fat cigar in his mouth as he puffed into the cool night air.

"He's one of Hare's goons," Shadow stated, remembering the canine criminal from Ark.

"It's Blackjack, Ebony Hare's enforcer and bodyguard," Espio said, cluing in hi friends. "He's supposed to be real strong and real tough. Kinda surprised Ebony's willing to forgo his protection."

"Maybe he just likes to get away from his boss," Charmy chimed in, turning to the chameleon. "Like how you get away from Vector by going to that club with the neon sign that says 'Girls, Girls...' mmph." Espio's hand clamped down on the kid's mouth as a vein started to appear on his forehead.

"Well let's go pick his brain," Shadow said as he got up to advance on the dog. Suddenly, the black hedgehog's eyes widened as he quickly flipped backwards, narrowly avoiding a rather large rock that had been flying for him. Vector and Charmy, however, were not as lucky as the rock smashed them into a piece of wall that had not quite crumbled to rubble.

"You guys okay," Espio asked, concern in his voice?

"Kid got the wind knocked outta him, and I'm probably gonna have one fantastic bruise, but we're good," Vector replied as he shoved the rock off of himself.

"Thought I heard something," Blackjack said as he stood before the crumbled building the Chaotix had been hiding in, slipping on a pair of brass knuckles. "And I'm guessin' you guys aren't here lookin' for a job."

"Sorry, we're already at WORK," Espio said as he leapt from the rubble, spinning horizontally in mid-air as he sent one of his kunai flying towards to dog. Much to everyone's surprise, instead of moving out of the way or sacrificing an arm, the bruiser allowed the ninja blade to strike him square in the chest. Without even flinching Blackjack pulled the still clean blade from his chest.

"When you been in this business as long as I have, you learn it really pays to wear body armor," he stated as he snapped the knife in half. Shadow decided it was his turn to go on the attack, connecting with Blackjack's forearm with a flying kick. Pain shot all the way up the hedgehog's leg as he struck rock hard muscle and whatever it was his body armor was made of. "You again? Don't expect me to be as impressed with a little super speed as Mr. Hare, hedgehog," Blackjack said as he grabbed Shadow's leg. Unwilling to allow himself to be thrown, Shadow set off a Chaos Blast, blowing himself away from the bulldog enforcer as well as incinerating the mobster's pinstripe suit. Once the smoke cleared, the Chaotix gaped to see Blackjack still standing, the rags of his suit now hanging off jet black metal covering him from neck to toe.

"Chaos he's a robot," Charmy cried as he got a look at the sight.

"Not a robot," Shadow stated, stepping gingerly on the foot that had struck the bulldog. "Just armor-plated."

"Armor-plated," Blackjack said, stamping his foot on the ground to kick up a manhole cover, "and VERY STRONG!" With a twirl, the oversized enforcer hurled the cover like a discus, sending it straight at Shadow. Quickly, Shadow ducked out of the way of the projectile as a long pink tongue wrapped itself around the cover. Espio took control of the metal cover, twisting himself around as his tongue pulled it through the air.

"Nack at you," he said as he released cover. Blackjack moved out of the way just in time.

"Dogpile," Vector screamed as he charged, not with his fists, but with his open mouth. Realizing his peril, Blackjack moved his arm to intercept the attacking croc, whincing visibly as the armor on his arm bent inward thanks to the force applied by Vector's jaws. Too distracted by his green opponent, Blackjack failed to notice it as Charmy circled around his head, striking with his stinger at the bulldog's exposed neck.

"AH!" Fed up now, Blackjack wrenched his arm out of the crocodile's mouth, taking one of his teeth with it. Before he could get a grip on Vector, however, the strongman of Team Chaotix was already on all fours, swinging his powerful tail right at Blackjack's knees. Charmy and Espio leapt at his face, knocking the big mobster too his back. As Blackjack opened his eyes, a black silhouette came into view as Shadow's fist connected to his temple.

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Downtown Ebony Hare felt good as he sat behind his custom made, one of a kind mahogany desk, great even. In fact, he felt better than he had since he'd been forcibly evicted from Ark. Heck, pretty soon he'd have the money to just out and out buy Space Station Ark and boot that snotty little hedgehog into the sun. And the best part was he'd finally prove to both his daughter and his "estranged" wife that he was no loser.

"I wanna go home," a soft voice whined from over in a corner of the office where Cream stood, grasping a doll she'd had when Ebony's men had "picked her up" for him.

"I don't blame ya, Creamy, dis is no place for a girl like you ta be," Ebony said in a voice he whole-heartedly believed to be conciliatory. "But ya gotta be patient for Daddy, 'kay?"

"Why can't I go home to Mommy," the girl asked, upset tears coming out of her eyes. Ebony smiled slightly as he tried to think of something to say to his daughter. In the back of his mind he knew exactly why Vanilla could NEVER know he had Cream until he was ready to impress the older rabbit. If Vanilla found any evidence her former husband was behind their daughter's disappearance, the mass of the planet itself would not be enough to keep him safe from her wrath.

"Uh, Mommy just needs some time to get used to us being a family again. I know, why don't you go to your new room and play with some of those neat toys Daddy 'bought' for you?" Unable to convince her father to return her home, Cream complied with Ebony's smiling request.

Contented now that he believed his daughter to be happily playing in another room, the gangster furry kicked his feet up onto his oversized desk as he puffed on a large cigar (he never smoked in Cream's presence.) Casually he glanced at the documents that helped to outline his latest get rich plan to gain Top Spot in the criminal underworld, and what a doozey it was.

The Black Arms invasion had been a godsend to a mind like Downtown Ebony Hare's. With Westopolis in ruins, the government was handing out contracts left and right to rebuild the city, and lucrative ones at that. While Ebony was quite sure he would have been able to be like the rest and try to embezzle money in some sort of phony construction shtick, the hare was concentrating on a much bigger and glitzier picture. The government was so focused on keeping everything under budget that they weren't really paying too much attention to how the buildings were being put together. When all those new banks, businesses and other high-profit ventures moved into all those new buildings E.H. Construction Unlimited was building, they'd be totally unaware of the secret back entrances to all their best stuff. Ebony smiled as he envisioned the crime wave he'd be able to unleash upon the city; then he heard a knock on his door as an armadillo walked in.

"I'm in a good mood today, Quincy, don't spoil it with any bad news," the hare jokingly threatened his associate, the public face of this little enterprise.

"Nothing but good news boss man," the 'dillo said as he dropped a small stack of contracts on his boss's desk. "You, uh, might wanna take a looksee at that document on top." Cigar still in his mouth, Ebony complied, an eyebrow rising as he looked over the contract.

"We're gonna be rebuilding the docks at the Marina?"

"Yeah, you remember. That's the place the government likes to ship off valuable cargo when they think they're being too clever to send it from their military base," Quincy explained, getting an evil grin from Downtown Ebony Hare as the furry grabbed his underling around the shoulder, his ears cocking up and twisting as though he were listening for something.

"You know what that sound is, Quince, do ya? It's the sound of our ship coming in, an' it's fully loaded!" Loudly D.E.H. slammed his free hand onto the desk. "Nothin's gonna stop us now!" Suddenly, the room shook as an explosion rocked the warehouse Ebony had chosen for his criminal headquarters. "What the frell was that!?"

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As it turned out, the explosion was the result of the Chaotix's attempt to rescue Cream the Rabbit. After he had been subdued, Blackjack had been only too willing spill everything he knew about his boss's fortifications, more loyal to the hare's money that to the actual Mobian himself. So it was that Charmy had come up with a plan to infiltrate the warehouse. Once that was sufficiently shot down, Vector pronounced he had a better plan. Espio bluntly refused to be a part of any plan where he had to dress up in a dress, a statement that was quickly mimicked by Shadow with regards to anything having to do with a cape or glitter. After referring to the two as ungrateful little primas, Vector asked if they had any better ideas. One hour was spent as the Chaotix brainstormed out a viable plan to get them into the warehouse.

Espio utilized his cloaking ability to sneak up to the front door carrying a large potted flower and summoning a guard. The plan was to use Charmy's abilities to teleport through flowers to transport the entire Chaotix into the building. Unfortunately, when he had been going over the defenses Downtown Ebony Hare had put up, Blackjack had apparently "forgotten" to mention that the building was outfitted with an anti-chameleon sensor. So it was that, as he turned around to return to his friends, Espio noticed they were yelling at him to run. He felt the pressure of the barrel of the laser rifle on the back of his head, telling him of just how much danger he was in. Ninja skills reacting quickly, Espio tucked himself into a ball just as the laser bolt fired, missing him by inches.

"Chaos Spark," Shadow said as he leapt forward, snapping his fingers to release a smaller and more controlled version of his Chaos Blast attack! The intense spark of energy was released inside the laser rifle itself, igniting the stored charges that armed the weapon and blowing the gun to pieces in its owner's hands.

"Okay, Plan B," Vector yelled as he grabbed Charmy and charged forward! "Shadow, Espio, take the windows. Charmy, you and me are frontal assault."

"Right," Espio and Shadow replied as both began to scale the front of the building, heading for their targets. Meanwhile, Vector put his hard head to good use and crashed through door, letting go of his bee companion as they entered. Charmy, free now, took to the air to provide an eye in the sky of the action. Immediately, several armed gunmen appeared, both on the walkways and on the ground, to stop the Chaotix. Espio's hands were blurs as he started throwing kunai all over the place, using his natural abilities to stick to the walls so he could avoid direct battle and defeat his opponents at his leisure. Shadow, however, opted to barrel his way through his oppositions. His fingers snapped again and again as he generated sparks of chaos energy that effectively disabled his opponents before he pummeled them.

"What's going on here?!" came a scream as Downtown Ebony Hare appeared out of the back offices. His curiosity was immediately cut off however, as he noticed the rather large percentage of his guards lying on the floor, with more joining them by the minute.

"Just the mug we were looking for," Vector said as he casually cracked two pigs' heads together and tossed them aside. Faced with a physical threat to his person, Ebony did what he always did in such situations.

"BLACKJACK!!"

"We already took care of your big attack dog," Charmy said as he flew down to be beside Vector, who was also joined by both Shadow and Espio once they'd finished mopping up the rest of the gangster's forces. Ebony began to look somewhat less than calm as he stared at the Chaotix arrayed against him.

"O… Okay, this is not a problem," the hare said as he raised his fists, some of his bravado returning as he punched the air before him. "Yeah, yeah I can take you all on. You're all gonna wish you'd never come here. Boom, boom, BOOM!" On the last "boom," D.E.H. suddenly grabbed the cufflinks from his wrists and threw them at the four Mobians. Upon impact with the ground, both exploded, kicking up a massive amount of dust and smoke.

"What kind of cough moron straps explosives to his wrists?!" Vector asked.

"The same kind that beating his big feet outta here," Espio said, his ninja reflexes having propelled him up and out of the way of the cloud of smoke. Immediately the Chaotix gave chase, suddenly finding themselves in another empty section of the factory.

"Where did he go," Vector asked as he looked around? Suddenly, the floor began to rumble and shake as something pushed its way through the floor. Before the Chaotix could react, they were presented with a very familiar looking robot.

"It's Eggman," Charmy cried out first.

"With bunny ears," Shadow asked? Standing before the four was an giant egg-shaped robot that did indeed look like Dr. Eggman painted black and white and sporting sunglasses and a pair of black and white rabbit ears… or to be more precise, hare ears. (For those who wish more clarification, it's that giant robot from the very end of Sonic 3 & Knuckles, I just can't remember its name.)

"Not quite, losers, but he did build this for me, just so I could put uppity little busy-bodies in their places," Ebony's voice came over the loudspeakers of the robot. "Now face the power of the all new, all powerful DOWNTOWN DELUXE EBONY CRUSHER!!" At the sound of the title given to the battle-bot, Charmy fell on his back laughing, and was soon followed by Vector. Even Espio and Shadow had to work to suppress a giggle or two.

"I hate to tell you this Hare," Espio said, "but Eggman just gave you one of his old failed creations with a new paint job."

"Who cares, even if this thing wasn't up to taking on Sonic, I'm betting it's more than a match for you four." So saying, the Crusher began to flex its metallic muscles as in a show of intimidation before it point an accusing finger at them. There's just one thing I gotta know before I crush you jokers. How'd you figure out what I was up to? What tipped my hand? Some jerk who wanted more money?" At the hare's words, the three main Chaotix suddenly grabbed the backs of their heads as they tried to come up with an answer that didn't make them sound like third-rate detectives. Shadow, who wasn't embarrassed and didn't much care what Ebony Hare thought, chose to speak up first.

"Can it. We're couldn't care less about whatever hare-brained scheme you've come up with to make a quick buck. We're here for the girl you kidnapped."

"Cream?!" Ebony asked, truly astonished that this was the reason these four had broken into his headquarters.

"That's right. Her Mudder's payin' us to bring her daughter home safe and sound." At the mention of Vanilla, the entire Downtown Deluxe Ebony Crusher recoiled in quaking fear.

"V…Vanilla? She's not… h-here is she?" The robot's head swiveled a full three hundred sixty degrees as it searched for the rabbit in question.

"No, your Ex isn't here, Ebony. But she did send us, and that's all she needs," Espio said as he leapt into the air and released four kunai at the machine. Though normally the knives would have bounced harmlessly off the steel armor of the machine; guided by Espio's aim, the blades entered through the slim gaps in the armor plating on the arm. Obviously causing some damage when they hit, the arm began to spark and wobble shakily before going dead.

"What?!" Before Ebony could react to this new attack, Vector leapt onto one the legs and used his powerful jaws to tear a hole into the robot's hip.

"You're up kid!"

"Here I come," Charmy said as he charged into the opening. Seconds later more explosions could be heard as the leg's armor began flying off, Charmy following suit to escape the explosions.

"No, fight fair you little..." Ebony's tirade was cut short as he realized Shadow was exposed. Swiveling on his weakened leg, the Crusher turned to face the black hedgehog, his chest opening to reveal a green laser cannon. "Try this on for size; Bunny Blaster!" A ball of green energy was shot out of the cannon an traveled a spiral path towards Shadow, just as it had to Sonic so many years ago. Unlike his blue counterpart, however, Shadow did not jump to avoid the blast, but instead held up his hand and caught the offending energy attack in his hand before dissipating it.

"That's the second time you've made the mistake of attacking me," Shadow said, a light growl in his voice as he began to channel the chaotic energies of his emerald. "There will NOT be a third!"

"Uh Shadow, remember we need Cream alive," Vector said, realizing what was about to happen.

"CHAOS BLAST!!" Red energy surged from the hedgehog's hand with a thunderous roar that engulfed most of the robot's upper body. The Chaotix, knowing full well what Shadow was capable of, took cover as metal and silicon were quite literally peeled away from the robot's frame by the attack. Inside his cockpit, Ebony screamed in fright as he watched what he was sure was certain death engulf his protective robot. Then, just as quickly as the storm of energy began, it stopped, leaving the robot still standing on its legs, its head missing and Ebony, his suit shredded almost to rags, exposed in its chest section.

"I didn't want to bring the building down around us, so I restrained myself," Shadow explained. From his seat, still not believing he had survived, Ebony looked around at the shattered control console. Some of the lights were still flashing and the controls still moved, indicating that, though damaged, the robot was still working. A sinister smile, showing off his two buck teeth, spread across his face as he began using what controls remained.

"You're gonna regret doing that Shadow, oh yeah." The arm that was still working rose into the air as its hand fell off, allowing what appeared to be a giant blade to spring forth from the wrist. "Let this be a lesson to you! Never mess with Downtown Ebony HARE!" As the gangster made the remains of his robot step towards his target, the leg that had been previously damaged by Charmy finally gave way under the weight, causing Crusher to begin falling forward uncontrollably. "Ah frell this," Ebony stated, finally deciding to abandon his obviously scraped machine. Using his fist, the monochromatic hare shattered the glass panel that protected the button which activated his rocket powered ejector chair, igniting its thrusters to propel him to safety. This proved to be something of an error in judgment on his part, as the roof of the building they were in was still very much present. This, combined with the fact that Eggman had used a couple of cheap rockets for the chair, meant that the mob boss soon found himself bouncing headfirst off the aforementioned ceiling and being sent unceremoniously crashing to the ground.

Even Shadow could not suppress a giggle at the sight of the "fearsome" criminal genius lying in a dazed and crumpled heap.

"Is… Is everything all right," asked a timid voice as a familiar looking girl rabbit holding a doll carefully picked her way through the rubble.

"I guess that would make you Cream, wouldn't it little lady," Vector said as he walked casually up to the girl, trying his best to smile reassuringly, and apparently failing at it.

"My Mommy told me not to talk to strangers," Cream intoned as she took a quick step backwards away from the crocodile, only to find that Shadow was standing behind her now.

"Good advice," he said. "But it was your mother who sent us to come get you."

"I imagine she'll be very relieved to see you little girl," Espio said. Fortunately, the rather fearsome image of the three bigger Chaotix members was negated as a smiling bee flew right up to the young kitten.

"Don't worry, we're the good guys," Charmy exclaimed with his biggest, widest smile! Cream looked around at the rubble that had once been her father's building.

"Riiiight."

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"Cream," Vanilla exclaimed as she held her arms open!

"Mommy," Cream exclaimed in a similar voice as she ran into those same arms to receive a nice big hug!

"Oh Creamy I was so worried." Vanilla looked to the detectives. "Thank you so much for finding her."

"Not a problem ma'am, it's our job," Vector said as he bowed towards the rabbit.

"I was with Daddy Mommy. He kept saying he wanted to show me… Why is that vein popping out on your forehead Mommy?" Sure enough, at the mention of her ex-husband's involvement, Vanilla's face had undergone a somewhat startling transformation. Vector could almost hear it as the female rabbit's teeth began to grind against each other. Very gently, she released her daughter.

"Cream, Mommy has to talk to these nice gentlemen. Why don't you go upstairs and play with Cheese for a while," Vanilla said in a voice that was eerily calm. For a brief moment, Cream looked somewhat depressed that she was about to be left out of a potentially important conversation. Her face lit up, however, as she remembered the presence of Charmy.

"Charmy, do you wanna go play?" Thrilled to finally have someone closer to his own age top hang with, the young bee readily accepted. Vector watched the two children take off up the stairs, a glint in his eyes.

"Ah they make a cute couple don't they? Maybe we should let Charmy come over again sometime…" Vector's words were cut off and the collective attention of the remaining Chaotix was gained by the sound of glass shattering. The three males looked to see that Vanilla's hand crushed a vase that had been standing on small table near her, a look that spoke of pure fury on her face.

"So, let me get this straight. My precious, precious daughter was kidnapped by my no good, pea-brained, shiftless, spineless, underhanded, uncouth, undisciplined, loud-mouthed, idiot of an ex-husband?" Each word uttered by Vanilla had caused the matriarchal bunny to take a hard step towards the group. Shadow, who had been sitting in a plush chair closest to her, had decided now was the time to get up, even beginning to draw in some chaos energy just in case he needed to do a chaos control.

"Yeah we found that out today. We went and got Cream back, like you wanted us to," Espio said. Sensing this might be the wrong route to take, the chameleon quickly continued. "When we found out about it, there was no time to contact you…"

"I see," Vanilla said through gritted teeth as her right eye twitched. "And would you happen to know just… where 'dearest' Ebony is right now?"

"After we kinda decked him, the cops showed up. Seems he was running some sorta scam so they hauled him off to jail. I assume he's waiting trial."

"Oh. Oh yes that's just was that little creep would hope for, isn't it? He thinks he's safe in G.U.N.'s arms."

"Uh, Vanilla?"

"I'm gonna hire a lawyer, a good one. Ebony will get off scott-free. And then… then I'm going to kill him. I'm going to crush his spineless body until whatever it is that makes him do such stupid things oozes out and then I'm going to beat him to death with it."

"Oookay, I think we can let ourselves out. We'll send you our bill," Vector said as he started making his way towards the door, hoping to escape the escalating wrath of Vanilla, followed closely by his two partners. Once they were safely outside, Vector turned to Espio. "Go stealth and climb up to Cream's room for Charmy."

"What? Why didn't you just call for him?"

"I don't think it's a good idea to remind her right now that we were ever here." Espio, sensing this was an unwinable fight, went invisible to go collect said bee. Once he was alone with Vector, Shadow decided it was time to ask the obvious question.

"So when do we get paid?"

"Uh…"

"We're not getting paid, are we?"

"You really wanna go back in there and try to get her to pay up right now?" Shadow looked at the front door that was all that separated him from the angry bunny inside.

"Not really, but you're supposed to be our fearless leader. Shouldn't you, I don't know, act brave and bite the bullet for the sake of your team."

"Bah, a little pro bono work doesn't hurt anybody."

"It does when that's all you do," Espio said as he returned with Charmy. "Please tell me you're not thinking of dropping this one."

"Wait a minute, you mean to say this is a pattern of behavior with him," Shadow said, less than happy to hear this.

"I'm not dropping this one; I'm going to send her a bill."

"Like you sent Kensington a bill, or Finnish."

"What happened with them," Shadow asked, already seeing any chance of getting his own room sprouting wings and flying off?

"Vanilla is nothing like Kensington. She's not going to just disappear into thin air. And as to Finnish… that couldn't be helped. The Black Arms invasion kinda took priority over collecting a few hundred dollars."

"It was $1,600! I'm good at budget living but any more stretching and we'll need rubber bills to get by," Espio mocked.

"Wait a minute," Shadow interrupted rather loudly, attracting the two's attention! "When was the last time you actually got a paycheck?!" At this all three members of Chaotix began to think hard.

"Uhhh," they said in unison.

"I think it was a little less than four months ago."

"No, because we were counting on Eggman's paycheck and that never showed up."

"You think it was that Sally woman who asked us to find her missing brother?"

"Charmy that was two years ago, no way…" As the trio continued to debate this rather important issue, Shadow looked on, a feeling appearing in the pit of his gut of irritation and annoyance.

"That's it, I'm out of here," Shadow stated as he turned his back to his "teammates" and began stomping away!

"Ah Shades don't leave," Vector intoned. "It's not like we never see any money."

"Forget it croc. I'm not trading one hair-net in for another just so you can make ends meet," Shadow said, turning his head so he could see the Chaotix. "Still, this was fun. If you nutjobs ever figure out a way to afford me, maybe I'll help out if you make it worth my wile. But if you think I'm gonna sleep on some ratty old couch and be denied my Ramen, then I got two words for you…" Once more, totally ignoring it as Espio suddenly started twitching and screaming at repressed memories, Shadow pulled forth his Chaos Emerald, tossing it into the air. "CHAOS CONTROL!!" As his hand touched the falling jewel, Shadow disappeared.

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_So, as it turns out I'm not cut out for the Nine-to-Five or the Freelance Self-Employed job. Makes me wonder just how Dr. Gerald expected me to survive when I eventually came to Earth…_

_Enough wondering. Now I'm back to square one again. I need to figure out where to go next. _

_Grrr… this is all that blasted woman's fault! What was her name?_

_If she hadn't forced me to leave Ark, none of this would be happening! I just want to SCREAM I'm so mad! Maybe that's what I need. To be around someone a little more like me. Eggman's always ranting and raving about he hates this and he hates that…_

_TBC…_


	8. The Big Fall of Which They Spoke

Relocation: Eggman

By Asher Tye

**Ri2:** With Shadow you never know, he and Eggy might just hit it off. I'm glad you liked the chapter, I was afraid it was getting a bit to drug out there towards the end. As to Vanilla and Ebony… make it to the bottom of this chapter.

**JudasFm:** Thanks for the catch. I've made the correction to the story. Please let me know if you spot any other errors, I'm not always fully awake when I'm typing 

**VoldemortsLemming:** Take it from someone who did own a bunny, those critters can get hopping mad (bad pun I know).

**JaydiTheLaydi: **Eggman's one of you favorites? Well, I guess that makes sense. He's been getting a lot of character development in the games lately, so it makes sense he'd be getting a fanbase. Hope you like his part in this chappie.

Disclaimer: See the first chapter.

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Darkness surrounded the Shadow as he looked up the winding road that led to Dr. Eggman's latest "secret" lair. All in all, Shadow had to admit to himself, the whole place screamed "evil, mad doctor seeking world domination in residence."

Jutting into the sky, sitting at the top of the rocky, bridge covered pass that lead through the canyon was what at first glance looked like a run down castle that was some two or three hundred years old. As Shadow's eyes adjusted to the dimness, however, he could make out small lights racing around the towers of the castle, lights that moved in somewhat predictably patterns. Obviously the "good" doctor had teams of robots working round the clock trying to assist the obviously crumbling building in its ongoing attempts to defy gravity and remain a vertical structure.

_&Who is Eggman's real estate agent and where does he find these rotting piles of bricks? And more importantly, WHY does Eggman keep buying them,&_ Shadow asked himself. Taking his time, Shadow began to walk up the narrow passage to the castle. He knew from experience that Eggman was justifiably paranoid and, with so many recent invasions to his bases, he was more likely to shoot at Shadow than listen if the black hedgehog simply Chaos Controlled into the man's living room. Plus the walk gave him more time to observe Eggman's activities and try to determine what he was up too. Just living under Eggman's roof didn't mean Shadow wanted anything to do with his take-over-the world schemes.

_&"Gee Eggman, what are we going to do tonight?"_

_"The same thing we do every night Shady; try to take over the World!"_

_No thank you Dr. Eggman.&_ Shadow gave a silent smirk at his own joke. Of course, being the "thoughtful" and "obliging" roommate he was, Shadow would have to think of something to offer the good doctor other than his own cooperation to get to stay.

Shadow's pace came to an abrupt stop as his eyes looked around. Off to the sides of the road, camouflaged almost perfectly against the dark almost barren canyon rocks, Shadow could make out targeting sensors. What they were targeting for, the hedgehog had yet to determine, but that didn't make them any less dangerous. All that mattered is that they were targeting him.

For the briefest of moments, Shadow's legs tensed. His senses became somewhat more acute as he tried to feel any sort of incoming attack. When none presented itself, the created furry relaxed a little, but only a little, and began to walk again. Logically, Shadow by far outclassed any sort of automated security even Dr. Eggman could dream up. To attack him with such weapons was insane to say the least, suicidal to say the most. No one in their right mind would attempt it. Sadly, as Shadow soon confirmed for himself, Dr. Eggman was clearly not in his right mind. It started with a clicking sound, like two flat metal surfaces being slammed together quickly. The surfaces turned out to be parts of a mouth, a mouth that was attached to a round head with eight eyes which itself was attached to a body with an identical number of legs. As the spider climbed up onto the road, Shadow couldn't help but wonder why it was so small, relatively of course.

In truth the mechanical spider was half again as tall as its hedgehog quarry, but that still registered as pretty small considered some of the behemoths Eggman had come up with in his career. The reason the spider was so puny soon became apparent, however, as from the ledges and cliff sides came five more spiders, all taking advantage of the narrow vertical surfaces to surround Shadow. How Eggman was able to make such obviously heavy machines stick to surfaces eluded the hedgehog, but then so did how helicopters flew… or that fox kid for that matter.

Shadow leapt out of the way as the first spider decided he'd had enough time for musing and fired. The projectile turned out to be an opaque and viscous liquid that left a trail leading back to the spider's mouth when it smashed into the ground. More of the spiders attacked in a similar fashion, attempting to entrap Shadow in the substance the hedgehog could only assume was Eggman's attempt to mimic spider silk. Finally deciding he'd had enough, Shadow stopped cold, allowing one of the spiders to hit him with its web.

"If I were Sonic, I'd use my super-speed right now to wrap you all up in your own web before dumping you off the cliff." A second gob of webbing landed on his left shoulder. "That fox kid would probably have hacked one of you by now and be running roughshod through Eggman's castle." His right arm was covered in the same goop as his left. "Knuckles would have grabbed the webs and used one of you as a cudgel to bash in the others like there was no tomorrow." An icky feeling on his back told the hedgehog he'd been gooped there now. "The Chaotix would have come up with some really ridiculous plan to stop you before sheer dumb luck and determination let their powers outmatch yours." Now his head quills were sticky with the spider's webbing. "And as to Rouge, I doubt you tinker-toys would have even found out she was here if she was trying to break in." The final spider got Shadow's legs with its webbing. "But… I'm Shadow," the Ultimate Lifeform finally said, his eyes blazing as his hands balled into fists. "CHAOS BLAST!!" At his howl, red energy exploded from his body, consuming everything around him, including the annoying sentry spiders.

The sphere of energy continued to expand more and more, causing the rock face of canyon walls to begin to collapse under the onslaught. Ahead of him, the castle, already old and creaking and none too stable; began to shake and shudder. Klaxons sounded as the robots that had formerly been trying rebuild the structure began to work even harder to keep it from toppling down around their master's ears, with little luck. Suddenly, in the air above the castle, a form appeared as an Egg Carrier decloaked above the crumbling Keep. A beam of white light shot out from the underside of the craft and Shadow's keen eyes could see the bloated form of Dr. Eggman as he was beamed to safety from his crumbing base. A feeling of revulsion and the need to wash his eyes out with acid many times accompanied the realization that the good Doctor was only half dressed and still very wet. Apparently the megalomaniacal human had been in the middle of cleaning himself when Shadow's outburst had occurred.

"You STUPID hedgehog! I didn't even get to do anything this time! This is harassment I tell you, harassment," Eggman screamed as he was lifted into his carrier which left immediately rather than tangle with hedgehog!! Idly, Shadow wondered if the doctor had been able to identify Shadow or was under the delusion that Sonic had been the one to blast his home to rubble.

The castle, or rather the crumbling ruins that had once been a castle, looked especially old as the sun broke through the now obviously artificial cloud cover Eggman had used to create atmosphere. Shadow scratched his head as he surveyed the calamity he had unwittingly wrought, realizing too late that his attack had not quite incinerated all of the webbing that had formerly covered his body.

"Great. Now I'm homeless AND sticky," Shadow said to himself.

"Guess you need to watch yourself the next place we go to, huh big guy," came a voice that was right next to the hedgehog. Calmly, coolly, or at least as much as a person with a hand glued to their head could be, Shadow turned to face an army of about a hundred and fifty ghosts, all looking at him expectantly. The lead ghost smiled a toothy grin at the black and red Mobian, one of his ethereal hands rising as he sheepishly waved. Of course, the significance of this was not lost on Shadow.

"That's it, I'm outta here," Shadow said as he used his free hand to roughly yank out his chaos emerald, which had become stuck to him thanks to the spiders' webs. The aforementioned jewel managed to take a few quills with it when it came out. "Yeowch… argh… Chaos CONTROL!!" In an instant, Shadow was gone, leaving the spectral former population of Eggman's base to find a new haunting ground by themselves.

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_Feel kinda bad about leaving all those ghosts homeless, but it's hard enough trying to find a place to live on my own. The last handicap I need is to include a hundred plus ghosts into the bargain. Besides, they'll be fine. It's not like they'll die…_

_But what do I do? Obviously Eggman's not gonna be in any mood or condition to help me and not expect anything significant in return… I need another calm place to relax and think of what to d… That fox cub, what was his name… TAILS!! He's supposed to live in the Mystic Ruins! There's nothing out their but a train to get back to the city in. Bet nobody bothers him…_

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"ARGH!!!!"

**BONUSBONUSBONUSBONUSBONUSBONUSBONUSBONUSBONUSBONUSBONUS**

I'm sorry I just couldn't leave this alone so I decided to use it as something of a bonus story as an apology for this chapter being so short.

**SBONUSBONUSBONUSBONUSBONUSBONUSBONUSBONUSBONUSBONUS**

Downtown Ebony Hare felt good, real good. Maybe not as good when he had been poised to begin in the crime wave of the century back in Westopolis, but he felt good nonetheless. And why shouldn't he? Having just spent the past few days staring down the face of what could have potentially been a very lengthy, very inconvenient prison sentence, the hare had beaten the odds and was now a free man.

"I tell you Blackjack, there ain't nothin' in the world that can keep me down," D.E.H. said from one of the two beds in the motel room they were currently staying in. Blackjack simply grunted from the bathroom where he was busy shaving. Ebony had decided to leave Westopolis in a hurry before anyone came asking any annoying questions, and it was for that reason the pair now found themselves staying at a simple motel in Yzmopolis, at least until the black-furred hare could find them more suitable lodgings.

Somewhat deflated by Blackjack's less than enthusiastic response, Ebony grabbed the complimentary paper sitting on the nightstand and began to read. Just as he was getting into one of the articles, a knock came to the door.

"Blackjack," Ebony called, completely oblivious to the grumbling of the bulldog that had to stop what he was doing to get the door. He was not, however, oblivious to what happened when Blackjack opened the door.

"Ah Sh…" The bulldog's words were cut off as the rather familiar sound of a skull meeting something made of cast-iron came to Ebony's ears. The hare gangster turned his head just in time to see his bodyguard go down, and the rather angry looking cream colored rabbit glaring at him from the doorway, a skillet no doubt pilfered from the motel's kitchen in her hand. Correction, a severely dented skillet.

"Va… Va… Vanilla," Ebony stammered out as his ex-wife stepped into the room, closing the door and locking it behind her, a fact that did not bode well for the hare.

"Yes, Ebony. I'd like to talk to you about something," the doe said, though the way she held the skillet said she was significantly less interested in talking and more interested in making a few more dents.

"Now… Now baby, I can explain…"

"Oh I'm sure you can," Vanilla cried as she leapt at her former husband, weapon over her head. All through the building patrons were awakened to the sounds of screaming and begging as the two Mobians worked to "resolve" their problem.

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Okay, so up next is Tails, who make take a while because now I have to think of some reason for Shadow to either voluntarily leave or be forced away from he who is my favorite character. Remember to read and review. I like reviews. Catch ya later.


	9. The Boy Genius

Relocation: Tails

By Asher Tye

**Ri2: **I imagine he found Eggy the same way everyone else always does. Can't really see the "good" doctor as the type able to be inconspicuous, can you? As to the whole ghosts and haunted castle thing… Personally if it were "living" with an egg shaped nut job who's only friends were robots, ghost or not I'd be more afraid of him than he could ever be of me. :)

**JudasFm:** It's true, isn't it? Course for most people someone coming when you're indisposed doesn't wind up turning your shower to rubble when you fail to turn off your giant mechanical guard-spiders of death… Well, except for that one time up in Virginia but that door-to-door salesman was REALLY pushy.

**VoldemortsLemming:** Unfortunately, you are right… Bad Asher, bad boy for not checking. Glad you liked the chapter though, even the bonus. I just wanted to put some cracks in Vanilla's prim and proper armor.

**JaydiTheLaydi: **Tell me about it, I have like six of his plushies I can't get enough of him.

**Forgotten Muse:** Don't we all though, don't we all.

**Dark Dragon Kyra:** I really can't say why you haven't reviewed more… (whiny voice) Why do I get all the hard questions?! (normal) Believe me though; Shadow wasn't the only one who had to brave a half naked Eggy. I had to scrub my mind's eye with soap and HCl when I wrote that. I liked the bonus too. Vanilla always seems too soft-spoken and polite when she appears on TV. Obviously she spends all her rage on "poor, misunderstood" Ebony.

**Question Man**: "Yzmopolis, My Metropolis, my favorite place to be, Yzmopolis, My Metropolis, Where its all for one and that one is me!" Corny, yes, I know, but you try coming up with good –opolis names that don't have a direction in them.

Disclaimer: See the first chapter.

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_The sun shone bright down upon a little house/workshop situated on a low flat ledge in the Mystic Ruins overlooking the train depot that was Station Square's only real connection to the ancient forest. It was such a nice day, in fact, that the cottage's sole permanent occupant, a familiar two-tailed fox, had decided to clear his head in the fresh air. In back of the workshop a small garden stood, a recent addition created due to Tails's sudden and seemingly inexplicable interest in plants and flowers. To protect the garden from any of the local feral animal life, Tails had also planted a hedge of prickle bushes. With a deep breath, the fox inhaled the aromas coming from his makeshift garden._

_"ARGH!!!"_

_The muffled scream came to Tails's ears along with the sound of rustling leaves. This was immediately followed by a litany of words even Tails knew he was too young to hear. Quickly Tails moved over to where the leaves had rustled, his gloved hand carefully grabbing a branch to pull the painful leaves aside. Inside the bush, he was quite surprised to see a familiar spiky figure that WASN'T his best friend Sonic._

_"Shadow?" The hedgehog did look a sight, with one of his hands stuck to the back of his head and the other seemingly trapped in the crook of a branch because he wouldn't, or was it couldn't, let go of his emerald. Noticing the fox's presence, Shadow looked up at Tails and said something young Prower never thought he would hear._

_"Help…"_

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Shadow's eyes opened as the sun began to creep through his window, ending his dream. That had been almost two weeks ago, when he had made a less than spectacular entrance to Tails's Workshop. In the end Sonic's sidekick had been gracious enough not to laugh for more than a few minutes at the spectacle the Ultimate Lifeform had made of himself when he'd teleported into what he had thought was a completely open area. Apparently Tails had done some remodeling. And, once Shadow had explained his situation, Tails had been more than happy to let the black hedgehog stay with him, at least for a while.

As it turned out, Tails's home had several bedrooms, including one specially made to hold a certain blue hedgehog if he ever decided to visit, which was also the room Shadow currently occupied. The bed had come equipped with special sheets that were supposed to be cut and rip proof, a precaution against Sonic's less than cloth friendly quills. This wasn't really a problem for Shadow, however, as his quills weren't actually as tough as Sonic's mutated ones. He simply used Chaos energy to increase his quills density and sharpness, unintentionally mimicking the blue hedgehog in the process. A medium sized TV sat in one corner of the room, an unopened PlayBox Yipii video game system near it, obviously a gift for the teenaged hero he had failed to learn about. With a yawn, Shadow got out of bed and left the room, heading for the bathroom that sat only two doors away.

When Tails had moved out here to what was ostensibly the middle of nowhere, there had been some concern as to what he would do for electricity and water. Fortunately, a donated generator had solved the first problem, while Mystic Ruins's ancient aqueduct system had created a rather large underground reservoir to solve the second. All the little fox had had to do was get rid of his garbage and keep himself stocked with food and he was actually pretty well off.

Inside the shower, Shadow turned on the water to hot, allowing the fiery liquid to soak into his fur. He waited for a few minutes as the water got hotter and hotter, steam blasting out of the shower curtain and coating the mirror. Finally, when he could stand no more of cooking himself, the reddening hedgehog switched the water to cold, the abrupt drop in temperature being more than enough to wake the Ultimate Lifeform's Ultimate Brain Cells up as he began to lather and clean himself with soap. Suddenly, an explosion outside the house rocked the entire structure, simultaneously causing the water to stop running. Covered in soap, Shadow stood there for a few precious seconds, wondering what had happened to the water. Carefully he tapped on the showerhead. This proved to be a mistake, however, as the slow gurgling Shadow heard from the pipes should have warned him. Suddenly, he was be assaulted by some form of black sludge as it began to cascade out of the pipes and cover his formerly clean quills. Desiring to turn off the deluge, Shadow gripped the valves of the shower and gave them a twist, accidentally pulling both off. Desperate now, the quickly-getting-blacker hedgehog grabbed the showerhead, roughly squeezing the pipe in order to block off the flow of sludge.

"TAILS!!!"

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Meanwhile, outside, Tails looked almost as black as his houseguest, though for him the color change was the result of singed soot that now covered his normally bright orange fur as he lay where the explosion had knocked him on his back.

"Okay, obviously that was the wrong wire," Tails said to himself, simultaneously expelling some smoke that had gotten into his lungs.

"TAILS!!!" The kit-in-question's eyes shot wide as he heard his name bellowed loudly.

"Uh-oh." Quickly Tails scrambled to his feet just in time to be met face to face with an irate and still very moist Shadow dripping black sludge everywhere. For a brief moment Tails fought to keep from throwing up as the smell coming from Shadow assaulted his sensitive nose. "You didn't drip that junk all in the house did you?"

"What do you think?!" Shadow shouted. "This is the third time since I got here you've managed to cause an explosion. It was safer living with Black Arms around than with you."

"Oh come on its not that bad," Tails said, smiling sheepishly. "At least this time there was no fire."

"Tell me that after you check your right tail," Shadow said. Tails did so and noticed a small flame at the tip of the aforementioned appendage. With a goofy grin on his face, Tails nonchalantly licked his fingers and snuffed out the fledgling flame.

"See, no problem."

"Tails I'm covered in… in… What is this stuff anyway, it smells terrible?"

"Well it's uh…" Off in the distance, a flock of birds took the air in fright as Shadow screamed.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

A half hour later found Shadow using the nearby pond in Mystic Ruins to busily scrub the sludge out of his fur and quills, an severely irritated look on his face as he tried not to think about just what he was trying to remove. He'd left Tails to repair the plumbing at the house, more because he didn't have the faintest idea how to fix it than out of any sort of malice on his part. Shadow had come to discover it was almost impossible to stay angry at the fox kit once he went into his eternally innocent boy routine, even for the black hedgehog.

"Ribbit," said a frog that was sitting on a lily-pad near Shadow.

"What do you want," Shadow asked the frog, not really expecting a reply.

"Froggy's curious. We don't see too many hedgehogs around here, 'cept for Sonic, and he's with Tails." Shadow quickly turned towards the voice, a Chaos Spear on his lips as he saw one of the biggest cats he'd ever seen in all his life standing at the edge of the pond, a fishing pole in his hand. "Hello."

"Uh… Hi?" The last thing Shadow figured Tails needed was to have to explain to the cops why this seemingly harmless, albeit very BIG, cat had been blown to pieces by his houseguest. When no other response was forthcoming, Shadow went back to washing himself, listening as the cat's footfalls indicated he was entering the water. For a brief moment, Shadow considered asking just what made this creature feel he was allowed to intrude on him, when he suddenly heard the sound of air rushing to fill a confined space like a balloon. Behind him the cat, his "Froggy" perched on his shoulder, was swimming in the pond and staying afloat thanks to what appeared to be a belt that filled itself with air. Deftly he dropped a fishing line into the water and fished. Since this had nothing to do with Shadow, and was a decidedly quieter activity than any other creature had performed in his presence, the black and red hedgehog decided not to voice any opinion. Sadly, the quiet was not to last.

"Shadow," Tails yelled at the top of his lungs as he came wondering up the path to the pond! "Shadow!"

"I'm here Tails."

"Oh. I wanted to let you know I fixed the plumbing. The damage was actually rather minor and… Hey Big, long time no see." The purple cat turned from his fishing, albeit somewhat awkwardly given his position, and looked at Tails.

"Hello Tails. What are you doing here?"

"Checking on my new houseguest here," Tails said, indicating Shadow.

"Uh… I thought Mr. Sonic was blue…"

"Oh for Chaos's sake, I can't possibly be that unknown," Shadow bellowed!

"Actually you can. Big here doesn't really get all that much news from the outside world, so he didn't hear about the whole Ark incident… or Metal Overlord… or Black Arms for that matter." Tails turned to the cat. "How did you wind up involved in dealing with Chaos again?"

"So the plumbing's fixed?" Shadow interrupted the young fox.

"Yeah, it should be safe to go back now."

"'Should' being the operative word there." Tails looked at him quizzically for a few seconds. "Okay then, let's go back." The Ultimate Lifeform got out of the water.

"Well, at least you're not as difficult as Sonic. When the pipes blew up on him, he refused to go near water for days. I had to bait him into a water balloon fight before I was overpowered by the smell."

"That won't be necessary, or advisable, with me," Shadow said with some finality, already noticing the somewhat playful look on the kit's face as he recalled the event with Sonic. Tails waved good-bye to Big as he and Shadow made there way back to the workshop. As they arrived, Shadow was the first to notice that Tails had new company in the form of a skinny little man with a large white mustache wearing a safari outfit and a pit helmet. The man was flanked by two very burly looking gentleman wearing similar outfits and carrying backpacks that looked twice the size of both Shadow and Tails combined.

"Professor Ganz," Tails called as he walked up to the little man.

"Ah, Mr. Prower I was wondering where you'd gotten to," the little man said. "I was a bit afraid we might be waiting hours for you to come home." Shadow looked at the two men flanking the professor, neither of whom looked particularly pleased Tails had not been present.

"And what's it to you if Tails isn't here," Shadow said, making sure to put enough attitude in his tone to let them know it wasn't a good idea to start trouble in his presence. If Ganz noticed this, he gave no sign, but apparently Tails did.

"Chill Shadow. The Professor is a friend," the fox said light-heartedly. Then he turned to the little human who stood only about a head taller than himself. "I wasn't aware you were going down into the ruins today Professor. If you'd sent me some warning, I would have been waiting."

"Oh yes yes, I know lad, but I'm afraid this was a rushed expedition. You see I think I've found the secret location of the fifth chamber. I was in such a rush…"

"The government knows this is happening, right?" Tails asked; a suspicious look on his face.

"Huh? Oh, of course, of course. I simply used my connections to… expedite the process of getting permission. In all the excitement I guess I forgot to have word sent to you to expect us… I hope that is not a problem."

"Nah, come inside and we'll get everything all set up for you, okay?"

"Splendid, you are a credit to both yourself and Vulpes vulpes everywhere." So saying the pit helmet wearing human and his two cronies followed Tails and Shadow inside. The moment he was able to, Shadow began to whisper into the young fox's ear.

"Mind telling me what's going on?"

"Oh, that's right, you wouldn't know," Tails suddenly realized. Soon the group came to one of the few doors Tails had specifically asked Shadow not to mess with. "Uh, I assume in all this rushing around you didn't neglect to bring along the form I need to see, did you?"

"Of course not my good lad," Ganz said with a smile as he reached into one of his many pockets and pulled forth a piece of paper that had been folded neatly into an eighth of its true size. Quickly Tails unfolded and looked at the paper.

"Okay, if you gentlemen will wait right here, I'll be back in a few minutes." So saying, the kit opened the aforementioned forbidden door and entered, pulling Shadow in after himself. Inside the room was a large computer monitor that showed a blank screen, while sitting on the wall were several small black plastic boxes with small antenna sticking out of them.

"So what is all this?"

"Well, as you may have guessed, it's not exactly easy for a little kid to live on his own out here in the 'wilds' of station square, and it's also not like the government can really justify the expense of getting mail and garbage removal out here to me."

"They seem to manage well with Knuckles."

"Knuckles is a special case. If something happens to him the Master Emerald is up for grabs and then where would the planet be? If I can't live out here, I just can't invent things as freely." Shadow thought back to the sudden rerouting of the workshop's internal plumbing earlier. It was quite obvious most neighbors the little kitsune would be likely to encounter if he lived in Station Square proper would be less than understanding if such things routinely happened to them.

"So what is it you do?"

"Well, archeologists are always trying to explore more and more of the Mystic Ruins, but it can be a little dangerous. So every team that goes into the ruins carries a special tracking device I designed. I monitor them and, if necessary, get help if they need it. I also provide a last stop for any last ditch mail they need to send."

"And for this the government keeps you out here?"

"Well… they can't exactly say I'm an employee. Since I'm technically underage, it would be somewhat illegal to actually hire me. But if I'm out here and happen to be able to help by being out here, then they're a little more willing to extend some of the more extravagant necessities to me."

"In other words, this is a 'you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours' deal."

"In so many words… yes. 'Course once I'm older and can actually patent some of my better inventions, I'll be able to afford much better conditions. You'd be amazed how little people are interested in revolutionary new engines when they find out they came from a ten year old."

"Maybe Sonic could…"

"Sonic's nice and all, but do you really think he could get through explaining how the chaos drive on the Tornado works, or the friction dampeners I use on the wings. Nah, for now I'll just work on refining this stuff, then it can get marketed when I can get taken seriously." Tails jammed one of the boxes into the computer console.

"Nice to know you're thinking about your future," Shadow said as the computer screen began to display its progress in registering what was now obviously to Shadow a tracking device. Once it was done, Tails removed the device and left the room, the hedgehog on his heels.

"Okay Professor, here's your tracer."

"Thank you kindly lad," Ganz said with a smile as he took the device from the fox.

"Remember, it can also function as an emergency transmitter in case you need help." With a smile and a wave, the Professor and his party exited Tails's home. "Wow he really must be in a hurry, he didn't even offer to stay for a 'spot of tea' like he normally does."

"So now what, we just wait for him to get in trouble and then go rescue him?"

"Well, I'll monitor the tracker to make sure he doesn't get into trouble, but I really don't think he's gonna need any help from us. This is actually pretty much a cakewalk, but it keeps me from being abandoned out here." Tails began walking back towards the actual workshop potion of his house. "If you need me, I'm gonna be working on the plasma engine… Unless you wanna help."

"No thanks. My fur is black enough already without being caught in another explosion," Shadow replied as he turned to walk away from his host, not even bothering to notice it as Tails blew him a raspberry behind his back.

A few moments later found Shadow sitting at one of the many computers that graced the Prower home, his eyes typing furiously as he read the screen.

&_Tails may have a few screws loose but he actually had a pretty good idea,&_ Shadow thought to himself. &_The government needed a reason to provide for him out here and he's given them one. Maybe that's what I should do so they'll keep Ark running.&_

These thoughts had led to Shadow's current brainstorming session on the computer as he attempted to figure out what he, and more importantly an active Ark, could do that would allow him to stay there and live in relative solitude. Tails was nice, but Shadow had already decided this was a temporary arrangement, particularly given the somewhat disastrous results of him spending time with everyone else.

&_Of course, the government has pretty ample reason to be nice to this kid if half of the things I've seen around here work. Tails is a veritable fountain of new toys to play with. Half surprised no one's tried to kidnap him to pick his brain.&_

Suddenly what Shadow was looking at disappeared as the screen went black. Just as suddenly, the word "ALERT" began flashing on the screen in very big, very bright red letters. At the same time, a klaxon began to sound loudly, so loudly in fact that Shadow reflexively covered his sensitive ears before willing them to become less so. He turned just in time to see the door open as a worried looking fox covered in motor oil stains entered the room. Quickly Shadow left his seat, allowing the kitsune to enter in a few keys that turned off the siren, though the message remained.

"I don't know what happened," Shadow said somewhat defensively. He hadn't been looking at anything that would have set off any alarms; at least he didn't think so.

"It wasn't you, its Professor Ganz, he's in trouble."

"That's some alarm you have attached to those boxes."

"Well, I have to be able to hear it pretty much anywhere and over any… uh… background noises that may be too close to me."

"Such as a plane's engine you might be working on?"

"Among other things..." Once Tails entered more commands into the computer, the message disappeared and a flood of ones and zeroes overtook the screen. This lasted for only a minute before clearly defined words began to appear.

""Device damage… Prime sensor off-line… Automatic distress signal engaged… Attempting to initiate GPS tracking function… Estimated power reserve; one hour."

"Okay, I take it something went wrong."

"Thank you Captain Obvious. Remind me to call you if I ever need to solve a picture puzzle," Tails said as he grabbed a backpack that had been sitting in the corner of the room. "Okay, I'll be back in a couple hours or so depending how far they got into the ruins. Just wait here and I'll be back," Tails said, trying to sound like the voice of authority.

"I'm sorry, you must have confused me with… actually, who do you know that would obey that kind of command?" Tails's authority took something of a hit as he actually had to think of an answer for that question.

"Cream would… and Rouge… maybe, if I told her there weren't any gems." Shadow grabbed the little fox by his backpack and together they left for the Mystic Ruins proper.

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Inside the ruins, a single flashlight provided illumination for the two Mobians as they made their way through the maze-like structures. Every few feet or so Tails would check the small tracking device he held in his hand that was (supposedly) leading them to Ganz and his party.

"Any idea how much further," Shadow asked?

"All this thing does is tell me the direction; the signal is too weak for any sort of distance. But I imagine it's about fifteen feet closer than the last time you asked me," answered Tails.

"Touchy," Shadow replied. Stopping in his tracks, the black hedgehog touched the side of the tunnel they were currently in, closed his eyes and concentrated. Sensing that he was now walking alone, Tails turned back to see what his companion was doing.

"What are you doing?"

"Something new I've been trying to perfect. If I concentrate and try to feel the chaos energy around me, I can lock onto large enough disturbances in it if it's within a mile or two. It's useless in the city with large concentrations of people, but here I might be able to figure out how much further we are from the Professor."

"You couldn't have told me this earlier?"

"It's nothing I'd trust with my life yet, but I figure I might as well get in some practice."

"So, you're a Jedi now?"

"Don't confuse fantasy with reality Prower. I'm not reaching out and sensing them through some mystical mumbo-jumbo, I'm just feeling where chaos energy is knotted thickest. It truthfully could be anything I pick up on, but I'm betting there aren't too many dense concentrations of Chaos energy around here," Shadow said as he continued concentrating. "If this is them, then we're pretty close."

"Any idea how many feet 'pretty close' translates into," Tails asked as he looked at his tracker?

"Maybe forty feet, you snot-nosed little brat. Of course that doesn't take into account any walls or sudden drops we might encounter."

"I'd like keep the ruins as in tact as possible, especially since I have no idea what the structural integrity of this place is, but on the other hand, Ganz or someone on his party might be hurt. Think you might be able to, ah…"

"Create a safe shortcut?" Tails nodded at Shadow's words. "Control has never been my strongest suite, but is suppose I might be able to add some new doorways here without collapsing the whole thing on our heads." Shadow walked over to the wall that Tails's tracker was indicating they had to go through to reach their quarry, pointing a finger as it as chaos energy began to crackle around his hand. "And besides, if this place does start collapsing on us, I can always just teleport myself to safety," he said as he fired, a rye smirk on his face as he say the startled the expression the fox now wore on his.

Using his powers like a cutting torch, the black hedgehog slowly cut a triangular hole in the wall, reasoning that the stable shape would be the best choice to keep the wall from collapsing. Even so, he was quite prepared to teleport himself and Tails to safety if too much stone started falling. It took twenty minutes of walking, and two more triangular cuts, but the duo soon found themselves in a small antechamber of the ruins.

"PROFESSOR," Tails called into the open room!

"Miles," asked a weakened voice. Shadow's sensitive eyes quickly focused on one of the back corners of the room to see the crumpled body of Professor Ganz. The poor human did not look his best as the growing red spot on his side seemed to indicate.

"Professor! What happened," Tails asked as he raced over to the fallen explorer? Ganz's hand was held over his side as he groaned and tried to sit up with his back propped against the wall.

"Bit of bad luck… bit of bad judgment… and a bit of divine intervention I might say," Ganz said between sharp breaths as Tails pulled open his jacket to try to inspect the wound. Though he had no real medical training to speak of, living with Sonic and battling Eggman had given the kit something of a crash course in the application of first aid.

"You've been shot," Shadow observed.

"Yes, yes I quite suspected," the Professor said as Tails tried to clean his wound as best he could. He wasn't about to try removing the bullet, fearing his limited knowledge would do more harm than good. And heaven knew he could afford the spike in his insurance if that happened. "I'm afraid my two 'associates' were less trustworthy than I'd hoped. They stole my map to the fifth chamber, and my notes to the various traps protecting it."

"Which way did they go," Shadow asked, fully intending to go after the two men?

"Not now Shadow," Tails said as he applied some bandages to the human. "Wounded professor first; criminals later."

"Tails, they're going to rob the chamber if we don't stop them…"

"I'm afraid he's… right my friend… Without a copy of my notes, you could very well end up getting blindsided by one of the more dangerous traps."

"I'd like to see the ancient trap that can take me out," Shadow said, suddenly pausing. Had he just channeled Sonic?

&&&&&&&&

Far far away in Southopolis, Sonic, who had been enjoying a chili-dog in the park, had suddenly gotten dizzy as his eyes had gone unfocused and his vision had gone blurry.

"Woah… what a rush. Who's Professor Ganz?"

&&&&&&&&

"More importantly, these ruins aren't stable enough for you to have a fight in them. We need to get the Professor out of here so he can be treated for his injuries." Shadow looked from the wounded human to the fox and back again.

"Fine. Then we should get him out of here without moving him. Hold onto my hands," the black hedgehog said as he gripped both vulpine and human. With a jerk of his hips his chaos emerald flew into the air and with a quick hop, Shadow struck the jewel with his head. "CHAOS CONTROL!!"

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Shadow and Tails watched as Ganz was placed on the stretcher and taken into the hospital's helicopter to be taken for treatment. The same signal that had triggered the alarms in Tails's home had also alerted the closest hospital to the situation, causing them to send one of their helicopters over. Needless to say, the EMTs were somewhat surprised at the trio's very sudden appearance out of thin air and, fortunately, this time Shadow managed to avoid the hedge. With their patient aboard, the helicopter took off with Shadow and Tails watching.

"So, when are you going to leave," Tails asked as the wind from the blades began to die down? Shadow looked at the kit with a small surprise in his face.

"I don't remember ever discussing that with you, and you can't think you're that bad of a host, so what makes you think I'm leaving."

"Come on Shadow, I'm not a dummy," Tails said. "That… and I saw the cookies you created when I cleaned out the buffers on my computer. You're trying to figure a way to go back to Ark."

"It's mine. I should live there."

"Well, technically it would belong to Eggman since he's technically the only blood relative left alive," Tails stated, eliciting a somewhat annoyed growl from Shadow. "Not that there's a court in the world that would rule for him against you of course," Tails continued sheepishly then tried to change the subject. "So, any ideas?"

"I was going to ask… a friend if he had some ideas."

"What am I, chopped liver?"

"Well, with the right seasonings… Dang it Sonic get outta my head!"

&&&&&&&&&

In the distant Casino Night Zone, Sonic, who is holding onto a pair of dice at a Craps table, suddenly drops his arms as his eyes once more go unfocused as he falls on his back and start to squeak.

"Meef… meef… meef…"

&&&&&&&&&

"What you have here is a good deal kid, but I somehow doubt GUN's gonna wanna keep a whole space station active just on the off chance a space mission gets in trouble."

"Well, no they wouldn't. But you don't really need to perform some service for the government like I do; you just need to be able to pay the bills they send you."

"Any idea how brainiac," Shadow asked?

"Well, you'd probably be a real good delivery boy…"

"You have absolutely no idea how money works do you?"

"My power and water are free, I trade services for sanitation and mail, Sonic's the one who pays for food and cable, I build my own hardware, and lastly, I'm eight… What do you think?"

"Apparently you're also a snotty brat," Shadow said nonchalantly. "But, to answer your original question, I'm probably not gonna leave for a few more days."

"Any particular reason why?"

"Two as it happens," Shadow said as he held up two fingers. "First, I need to set up an appointment to see someone, and that could take time I'm unwilling to spend camping outside. And two… I don't feel comfortable leaving you alone if those two goons who shot your friend come back deciding they'd prefer not to have any witnesses." Quite apparently that thought had not even occurred to Tails, who immediately began looking over his shoulder at his darkened house.

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_Okay, so now I'm trapped here for about a week… or at least until Sonic comes to visit me. Why did I have to open my big mouth and scare him like that? Oh well, its not like I had any place I had to urgently be. I imagine the GUN Commander isn't someone you can just drop in on and expect to get a meeting with._

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Well, it sounds like Shadow's come up with a plan to reclaim Ark… This is very nice for him because so far I'm stumped as to how to do it. Will Shadow get his station back? Will Tails be safe from the two goons if they decide to come back for him? Will Rouge find a new lipstick now that hers has been discontinued?

Rouge: HEY!

We'll answer at least one of these questions in the next and final chapter of RELOCATION. See ya next update.

::Suddenly, Downtown Ebony Hare runs by, the seat of his pants on fire.::

Ebony: HEEELLLLP MEEEEEE!!

::Vanilla charges after him, a flame-thrower in her hands.::

Vanilla: GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE TWERP!!


	10. The Check is in the Mail

Relocation: Ark

By Asher Tye

Author's Note::Walks out before velvet curtain wearing tuxedo and slicked back hair:: I regret to inform you that I have decided to discontinue this story in favor of other stories I will probably not finish as well. I beg your humblest apologies in this and hope you will find it in your hearts to forgive… ::Dodges five flaming arrows as they strike curtain igniting it:: Okay then. Roll the final chapter Clyde.

**A God of Irony:** I guess that's where we have to disagree. From the end of Shadow the Hedgehog, I took it that he forgave Shadow when he found out the guy just got caught up in everyone being afraid of him.

**Ri2: **My, you have a lot of questions. Answering in order, Shadow accidentally Chaos Controlled into the bush. Since he didn't know it was there, he thought he was going to appear in open space. No, his fur isn't magic, but I think the effects of Chaos energy are variable enough to allow him to alter his quills' ability to cut and smash. Actually you're right, Big was in Heroes and they did meet. My bad. As to who would obey Tails, Sonic maybe if he knew Tails knew what he was doing, Cream definitely because who doesn't she take orders from. Yeah, Shadow would definitely be a Sith. For the purposes of this story, I think it would be more psychic vampirism than a bond, or maybe parasitism since Shadow didn't want Sonic at the time. As to why he didn't go after the crooks, my guess is it just didn't occur to him, especially since he didn't know exactly where they were… Phew, not that's one long reply 

**JudasFm:** Sadly yes, this story must come to an end, though maybe I'll do a spin-off if I can think of one. The prickle bush gag was actually the only thing in this story that was fully planned from the beginning. I kept wondering how much actual control Shadow had over Chaos Control. Would it warn him if he was about to teleport into space already occupied by something? I guess not 

**Lallyzippo:** Actually someone told me it was the other way around, that it was supposed to be "," then "?" for questions. A well, live and learn. And no, I really didn't catch that Vector was in love with Vanilla… they actually seem like polar opposites to me. But I gotta admit, that makes for a cute couple. Maybe I should have worked that more into their chapter. ::Looks thoughtful::

**KandyHouse: **Well thank you for the compliments, I love hearing from new reviewers.

**Mist Hero:** I try to keep the typos down, but sometimes I get so excited to post a new chapter I forget to read over my work. Sadly that's what happened in this chapter's case. Hopefully, I'll be able to repost it when I find the time. Oh yes, and as to Shadow saving the world three times, I'm counting Sonic Heroes as well. True he only helped, but in this situation, wouldn't you embellish too?

**VoldemortsLemming:** Don't feel dumb, the truth is Shadow didn't have a plan up until about five seconds before I started writing it. You wouldn't think having something as cool as your own space station would be such a problem…

**JaydiTheLaydi: **When I wrote those parts for Shadow, I realized he was sounding too much like Sonic at that point, so I decided to make it seem like he actually was drawing on Sonic. Sadly the inspiration for this joke was anything but original as I saw it on an episode of the Simpsons. But seriously, how many gags haven't they done?

**Stella the Sniper:** Yeah, all I need is an actual plan… You'd be amazed how useless a giant working space station is for any practical plan, especially for a guy who doesn't like sharing space…

**YumeTakato:** Thank you, we aim to please.

**Dokami-San:** What can I say? Sonic has an infectious personality and Shadow temporarily caught it.

Disclaimer: See the first chapter.

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Shadow slurped loudly as he drew the delicious ramen into his mouth, much to the chagrin of his dining companion, the illustrious Commander of G.U.N.

"Must you slurp your food so loudly," Commander Braxton asked as he watched the black hedgehog devour his bowl of soup? Had the Commander realized just what Shadow was hungry for, he would not have taken so repulsive an eater to such a high class restaurant. Though the human commander was not normally one to worry about appearances, he could almost imagine how the tabloids would take his less than refined companion.

"If people have such a problem with the way I eat then they're welcome to leave," Shadow said reflexively.

"This plan of yours to become the most obnoxious individual on Earth just so we'll keep up Ark so you can stay away from us won't work Shadow. Too many politicians have beaten you to it."

"Humph. Well that wasn't my plan anyway but you can see how things would be easier if I weren't planet side all the time."

"Yes, well, be that as it may," Braxton began as he cut into his own meal, a medium steak "the costs in this case do not justify the benefits. At least that's what one Ms. Brown at the O.E.B. stated when I inquired for you. And she does have a point you realize."

"Yeah, on her head," Shadow said, in no mood to listen to defenses for the female human's behavior. Even though he and Braxton were no longer enemies, they weren't exactly friends. The only reason he'd been able to convince the human commander to see him was because of their shared link to Maria. Since they weren't actually friends, Shadow felt it most likely that he wouldn't try to sugar coat any critiques he might have on Shadow's attempts to retake Ark. Since they weren't enemies, or at least since Braxton had agreed to help in memory of Maria, the black hedgehog hoped the human wouldn't steer him down the wrong path.

"Be that as it may, this is definitely not the time for the government to take on the cost of maintaining a space station as costly as Ark."

"So you're saying the government can't help me?"

"No, I'm saying they can't completely foot the bill. Since that's the case, maybe you need to find someone else who's willing to share in the expense."

"I'm not real interested in selling off the station piecemeal, particularly if I have to put up with any sort of nuisances they're likely to send up." Braxton gave a short chortle at the black hedgehog's response.

"It is something of a problem," the human said. "What exactly does one do with a fully functional space station when its primary occupant wants to be a hermit?"

"You make it sound like I'm the problem."

"Well you must admit, there is very little you can actually do with a space station that does not necessitate having people on board."

"People are over-rated," Shadow said as he ate some more of his noodles. Suddenly, an idea occurred to him. "All though…"

"Slave labor is severely frowned upon Shadow," Braxton said warningly, only to receive a fairly nasty look from the black hedgehog.

"I wasn't thinking along THOSE lines, human. Besides from what I've learned of human beings, you don't take captivity well."

"So then, what idea is it you're nursing there?"

"I'm thinking, what good DOES having a space station provide? Obviously it must be useful, otherwise no one would want it. And I think I may have just come up with a way to use it. All I gotta do is round up some help to pull it off."

"Will you be requiring my assistance?"

"Yes, I'll contact you when I need your help."

"So long as it remains legal, or at least doesn't involve hurting Station Square, I will help you," Braxton said after a pause.

"Excellent."

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Seven weeks, five days, thirteen hours, twenty-seven minutes, and fifty-two seconds later found Shadow once more standing aboard his beloved Space Colony Ark. Specifically, the Ultimate Lifeform was standing in one of the VERY spacious storage centers that had formerly housed the station's large and heavy equipment and spare parts. When G.U.N. had abandoned the station, the large rooms had been stripped of all the components the current leadership had found to be valuable, so now, predictably, all this storage space was quite empty… or at least it had been up until about fifteen minutes ago when Shadow had used his mastery of Chaos Control to warp in a mountain of crates and boxes all marked "Property of G.U.N."

"Make sure that stuff is handled gently, Braxton says a lot of it is fragile," Shadow said to his team of "workers." In point of fact, they were a group of the exact same ghosts that had once been "living" in Eggman's former most current lair. Unencumbered both by physical frailty and the full force of gravity, the ghosts proved quite capable of moving pretty much anything Shadow needed moved. And of course the ghosts were quite thrilled to finally have a haunt that wasn't going to crumble down around their nonexistent ears any time soon.

"These crates will need to be opened to verify their contents, sir," the ghostly foreman, whom Shadow had designated Curly due to a wisp of phantasmal energy popping out of his forehead, said as he held a clipboard before him. "Team B is still sorting through the items Eggman sent us. Obviously this has to be inspected very carefully to insure there are no, uh, 'surprises.' But Team C is finished with Soleanna's stuff, so if you want I can get them to help and make this all go quicker."

"Good, I'd like to get this done quickly before any new arrivals have to come," Shadow said, just as another ghost wearing what looked like a sun-visor can "running" up to him.

"Mr. Shadow, Mr. Shadow," the ghost called.

"For the last time Kenny, it's just Shadow, no Mr. attached," Shadow said holding the bridge of his nose. Two weeks of having to correct the same ghost over and over again was giving him a migraine.

"I'm sorry, it won't happen again Mr. Shadow," Lenny said, not even realizing he'd broken his own promise in record time. Deciding it was better to simply move on at this point, the black hedgehog asked a question that seemed rather important to him.

"There was a reason you were looking for me, wasn't there?" For the briefest of moments, Shadow could almost swear he saw a look of utter confusion on the ghost's transparent face. Finally though, he answered.

"Oh yeah, that call you've been waiting on is happening," Kenny said, giving a conspiratorial wink, or at least as much of an approximation of one as he could perform given he had not eyelids or eyebrows to speak of.

"Excellent, I'll be in the communications room." And with that, Shadow left the ghosts to their business.

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Inside the communications room, five more ghosts were present, each wearing earpieces as they used the various communication equipment to complete what appear to be several incoming calls to the station. As Shadow enters the room, he looks to find one of the terminals is open, a flashing red light indicating that someone was on hold. Quickly Shadow took the seat in front of the terminal and put on the earpiece, taking only a moment to compose himself and smooth out his short body fur.

"You have reached the Space Station Ark, business headquarters for Shadow's Safety Storage Maximum Security Holding Company where our motto is 'You miss a payment, we'll gladly hurl your crud into the sun.' How may we help you?" Not surprisingly the face of Matilda Brown appeared on the screen before him looking more than a little perturbed.

"Mr. Shadow, you may help me by please explaining to me why you are using a government built satellite as a floating storage facility, and a rather expensive one at that."

"I would think it obvious, Ms. Brown. You handed me a bill and told me in order to live up here, I needed to pay it. So naturally I'm trying to generate enough money to pay," Shadow said as he placed his elbows on the console before him and hid the lower part of his face with his hands to hide his smirk. "As a friend of mine said, you've gotta roll with the punches life throws at you."

"You do realize that Ark is a TOP SECRET instillation. Allowing unauthorized personal on board is tantamount to treason against Station Square."

"The Station Square government only holds claim to half the station, and much of that is in the material used to build it over the actual designs. Those, if I'm not mistaken, were the intellectual property of my own creator, Professor Gerald Robotnik."

"Be that as it may, I don't think…"

"And as to the government owning the rest," Shadow continued, not even caring if he interrupted the human bureaucrat, "correct me if I'm wrong but didn't the government abandon this station more than fifty years ago?"

"That may be, but if that is the case Professor Robotnik also gave up any claim to the station when he left."

"Yes, I remember that quite well," Shadow said through gritted teeth. "The flaw in that is that he was forced to leave by your people. Basically run off of his own property as it were."

"Regrettable though it was, that was a government sanctioned operation to neutralize a perceived threat."

"A threat that, as it turned out, was actually coming from somewhere else. In fact, once it was revealed that Gerald had had no subversive plans against the planet, wasn't he post-humorously cleared of all charges?"

"Yes but…" Suddenly, from seemingly out of nowhere, Shadow pulled forth a massive book that landed on the console with an audible thump. This turned out to be a book dealing with various laws governing inheritance. Quickly the black hedgehog opened the book, flipping through its pages until he found the one he was looking for.

"Then I think the law states that, lacking a formalized Last Will, the Professor's belongings, including this station, fall to his descendants."

"You may be his creation, but that hardly qualifies you as a descendant. That would make the legal heir to the Professor's property Eggman wouldn't it?" Now it was Matilda's turn to smile as she believed she'd caught the Ultimate Lifeform in a loophole. "And since Eggman IS a known criminal, and I'm quite sure there's no way to deny that fact, wouldn't that render the station the rightfully seized property of the government once more."

"Not necessarily," Shadow said, his sly smile never wavering from his face as he pulled out another book, a decidedly thinner one titled "Project Shadow." "I must admit, I am surprised that you're willing to use that argument, especially since it was originally one of your suggestions that I claim the remainder of Professor Gerald's fortune to pay the bill. I suspect that was something of a thinly veiled attempt to get the rest of the Robotnik fortune away from Eggman."

"That is neither here nor there," Matilda said.

"Meh huh," Shadow responded, clearly not believing the woman. "In any event, you are correct. Between us, Eggman does possess the stronger claim to this station, himself being a direct descendant of the Professor's. But you have to remember, I was not originally created as a weapon, no matter how good I am at being one. I was created to help fabricate a cure for his granddaughter, Maria."

"And the point would be?"

"In addition to Black Doom's genetic patterns and those of an unnamed hedgehog, Gerald utilized Maria's blood and genes in order to 'allow for easier compatibility with regards to a cure' as it says right here in his notebook." Shadow held up the thin book to the camera projecting his image back to Earth, displaying the quote for Matilda to see. "So you see, while I may not be one of his offspring in the conventional sense, I am a Robotnik by blood and can lay claim to the Professor's estate." Shadow put the book back down, being very certain to close it as well. "Oh I don't doubt Eggman could probably take the station away from me legally, but let's be honest. If he was dumb enough to think he could walk into a courtroom and walk out with the deed to a high-tech space station complete with armaments and not be arrested for all his past crimes, would he really be the threat to you he is?"

"I see," Ms. Brown said in something of a defeated tone.

"As another friend of mine told me 'never let anyone use you as a stepping stone.' Now if we're done here."

"There is one problem. As near as I can tell, you're the only one who has been given official permission to live on that station. How exactly are you planning to run this little enterprise of yours without help?"

"You have my personal guarantee that there are no other people living up here," Shadow said before pulling two ghosts into view of the camera. "Isn't that right boys?"

"Yep."

"You got it boss."

"You're using ghosts as your labor force?" Matilda said in a disbelieving voice.

"And some refurbished robots that were still up here, though if you want them back I can understand, though I think the egg-robo's parts belong to me," Shadow said. "Actually, it's a very nice trade off. I get a work force that's efficient and will stay outta my way; they get a haunt that isn't two seconds from falling down around their proverbial ears." Of course the black hedgehog neglected to mention that he was the cause for the last haunt of this particular group of ghosts to come crumbling down. "Win, win I think."

"That has to violate some sort of labor law somewhere…"

"Not really. The problem has never been that ghosts would be abused by a potential employer, it's the fact that most people won't work with them. If you can get past their overall 'ickiness,' they're actually pretty easy to get along with." As Shadow said this, a new ghost appeared behind him and ran its large tongue up the back of his neck and head. "Excuse me please…" With a hard shove, the Ultimate Lifeform sent the interloper flying out of the room. "So, now that I have a workforce and the space, I've decided to run the world's most secure vault. And I'm pleased to say I've already signed quite a few clients up on very lucrative contracts."

"Yes I've noticed. In addition to Station Square you have Eggman as well, along with a plethora of other questionable entities and known rogues such as Hex Industries."

"I don't play politics. So long as I get the money and they abide by the rules, it's not my place to judge."

"Uh huh, and how is it you expect to enforce these rules of yours?"

"I'm glad you ask. May I present my Chief of Security." Shadow pushed himself away from the camera to reveal Omega walking into the room with a golden badge magnetically pinned to his chest. The broad robot looked at Ms. Brown and saluted.

"I am the law," Omega said in a monotone voice that made Shadow smile. The perpetually pinched face of the bureaucrat turned back to the fully relaxed hedgehog.

"And you honestly believe you can support this station using this cockamamie enterprise?"

"I'm the only one up here that has a preference for food and water, I'm already making plans to supplement power consumption, and the mechanical entities I have up here are very fuel efficient thanks to being designed by some of the world's foremost experts on the subject. I don't believe I'll just break even, I fully expect to start turning a profit up here," the hedgehog said his voice full of confidence. "And once I do, who knows, maybe I'll be a nice guy and start a charity college fund… the Maria Foundation has a nice ring to it."

"All the way up until something goes wrong and explodes and you're begging the government to help you claw your way out of debt," Matilda Brown said in an annoyed voice. Clearly the woman did not like the fact that Space Station Ark was going to remain active and was now going to be out of Station Square's control.

"That almost sounds like a threat Ms. Brown," Shadow said with a contented smile on his face. "I would hate to think Station Square still thinks of Ark as a threat, particularly after all the trouble that was caused last time that happened."

"Very well. It appears this is all a legitimate, if highly suspect, operation. I see no reason to dissuade you pursuing this. That is, as long as you can keep from becoming a burden to the country." Shadow backed away from the camera.

"I was created to be the Ultimate Lifeform, Gerald's most perfect and unstoppable creation. If I must move from the lab to the battlefield to survive, so be it. And if I must move again from the battlefield to the boardroom, I'll do that too," the black hedgehog said. "Now, in light of the relationship we've had over these past few months, it gives me great pleasure to suggest the following… Get off my line!" So saying, Shadow shut off the communication just as Matilda Brown gave an indignant squawk, a fact that gave him immense satisfaction.

"Well boys," he said to the ghosts still running the communications room, "after a performance like that, I think I deserve a snack." Right after leaving the room, Shadow once more stuck his head in as he remembered something. "Oh yes, before I forget, send a thank you message to Braxton for all the help he was getting the contract with Station Square's military."

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Shadow soon found himself in what served as the pantry for the massive Space Station. Given that Ark had originally been designed to house several hundred human scientists, and their families as needed, the food storage facility was a predictably huge space. Now that only one biological organism was in residence upon the station, Shadow had basically taken control of the whole area, using the first of his new capital to stock the pantry with his most favorite of foods. A grin on his face, the Ultimate Lifeform reached up to grab the pantry door handle just as a ghost suddenly left through the closed door. What got the hedgehog's attention about the ghost was the fact that it looked awfully plump. Come to think of it, a lot of the ghosts he'd passed on his way to the pantry had been looking bigger than normal. A sudden sinking feeling appeared in the pit of his stomach. Like him, ghosts did not have to eat, but did that mean they didn't enjoy it? Fearfully the Ultimate Lifeform threw open the door, only to be greeted by a sight nearly as horrific as any he'd seen over the course of his life.

"MY RAMEN!!!" was the wail that was heard throughout the station, as the anguished hedgehog stared at the pantry which was now filled only with busted wrappers.

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And that's the end, decided to go out on a joke. Shadow's love of ramen noodles was my series' running gag after all. Now I know he was a little OOC for this chapter, but given what he was able to accomplish, I can actually see Shadow being a little snot over finally outdoing someone without having to resort to blowing them up. Hope you all enjoyed this, and don't forget to review please. Roll the credits Bob!

::Start off the Credits with the names of all those who worked to create Shadow, Sonic, and everyone else as the tune "All Hail Shadow" plays in the back ground. As the music stops and the credits end, the camera fades in on a picture of Radical Highway at sunset, with Shadow walking down the road. His back is to the camera and the sun is in front of him as he moves. Suddenly he stops and turns his head back ever so slightly to look at the audience.::

**Shadow:** It's over now… Go outside, play in traffic.

::So saying, Shadow continues his journey as the camera fades to black.::

THE END…


End file.
